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Holy shit you were married over 17 years? How long were you dating before?

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Do you have any friends or family who could help? This is more than not ok.

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I don't know how common it is but it's definitely not ok.

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Wanting a relationship where boundaries are respected is not a mid life crisis.

You having sex out of coercion isn't consent. Sex in commited relationships should be about both partners and no is a complete sentence. You're not wrong for wanting out.

My heart is breaking for you, sis ❤️

Although it may be common, it is not ok. Your husband is coercing, if not forcing, you into sex and that is a form of assault. You deserve to have your boundaries respected.

In the immediate short term: do you have another bed in the house that you can sleep in? Could you stay with family or friends for a night or two? When you're feeling emotionally unwell, a lack of sleep will only make everything worse and if your bed is feeling unsafe you are going to struggle to look after yourself and see what path forward to take.

Lots of people in this subreddit will immediately tell you to leave him and not look back. Although I do think that you will be better off in life without this man, while you're feeling alone and unwell don't stress yourself out about making rash decisions. Do go ahead and seek therapy. Do speak to your friends and loved ones about how you're feeling. Do learn to recognise the love and respect that you deserve, and then address whether your partner will ever be able to give you that.

I really hope that you find a positive route forward, sending love to you xx

Sex is something you shouldn't be pushed into having. Either you want to do it in the moment, or you don't, but the second he started taking from you when you were clearly not into it, he crossed a line.

You are not having a midlife crisis. You are recognizing that you don't want what you have anymore. More, you don't have to be married to have a complete life.

Take some time and make a list of the pros and cons of staying married to him, and make your decision from there. You're not an idiot for staying in this marriage.

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You shouldn’t be in a relationship where the other person is violating your boundaries. It’d be best for both of you to get counseling. His sex drive is not going to decrease until he’s much older. You two are sexually incompatible.

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It sounds to me from your comments that there's a lot of other elements in your marriage that you'll find are actually not healthy for you once you start unpacking things in therapy.

Just because something was the best choice for you to escape one abusive situation as a teenager, it doesn't mean that it will always be the best life you can lead. In fact, it makes you more vulnerable to controlling behaviour and emotional abuse from your partner.

You deserve so much more, and I really hope that therapy can help you to believe that and build a better life for yourself.

Re: your friends all loving him, I'd like to think that they might pleasantly surprise you, but if it feels unsafe then trust your instincts.