Together for 2 years and all we do is hang out every other night between 9PM and 1AM. Within that timeframe, we either watch tv, I watch him play video games, and we eat dinner/have snacks and then I head back home for the night around 1AM.

It bothers me because I don’t feel like we DATE date each other. We don’t do romantic or stimulating things together. When we hang out, we don’t even get sexual. We might hold hands or exchange a kiss every often but it’s usually a peck and then move on. We don’t do anything stimulating together. We just eat and watch tv. I don’t know why we have to associate the TV with our hangouts all the time, let alone when we eat dinner. It doesn’t feel intimate.

Months ago I had this problem with him where we used to only see each other everyday but only after 10PM and hang out until about 1:30AM. It bothered me because that was too late for me and too little time for any actual quality time. I had to argue and beg him to see him earlier than 10 which initially he declined and told me 10 was the best he could do. After compromising some more, we came to an agreement to do 9PM every other day. But I learned that it’s not just that.

He has hobbies he partakes in, and in the beginning, I suppose our honeymoon phase, he was really romantic with me. Ordering food takeout, eating by water, going along with him during his hobbies, doing hobbies together, he used to write me love letters and all around we used to spend more time together and more quality time together.

No more of any of that. 99% when I see him, we’re watching tv or he’s playing video games, we’re in our pajamas and we eat dinner. When 1AM hits we call it a night and I leave. On his social media he is consistent with posting his art online which includes photography and videography, so pretty much when he’s not working or with me, he still makes time to go out and be creative. Just not romantic.

I’ve talked to him about me needing more stimulation together, I have tried initiating sexual pleasure, I have asked for more time together and begged and nothing has made things seem better in this relationship.

Should I stop trying here? Can someone tell me what his thinking process might be. Has he gotten comfortable and doesn’t think he needs to try anymore because he has me?

Comments

AutoModerator t1_jadg71i wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:21 PM

#2,113,371

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[deleted] t1_jadgjsv wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:24 PM

#2,113,459

[removed]

UsuallyWrite2 t1_jadgmdc wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:24 PM

#2,113,482

Do you plan an actual date or activity?

You’re not a passenger in this relationship. If it’s not working for you, do something different or end it.

Flashleyredneck t1_jadgx2z wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:26 PM

#2,113,565

Then YOU plan a date. YOU take him on a date. You plan the fun events and lead by example. Then you can ask he do the same. If you are just sitting around too you are equally responsible for the boring relationship.

maricopa888 t1_jadgy31 wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:26 PM

#2,113,570

>Can someone tell me what his thinking process might be?

I doubt it, but the one thing you didn't mention in all this is whether you've talked to him about it. If so, what did he say?

I'd think most of us would find this unfulfilling, but I also know that by now, I would have addressed it. In one sense, 2 years is a pretty long time, but in a larger sense, it's still part of the honeymoon phase. This reads like 2 people in their 60s!

[deleted] t1_jadhcyp wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:29 PM

#2,113,711

[removed]

Turbulent_Cicada_516 OP t1_jadhkj5 wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:30 PM

#2,113,790

Replying to maricopa888 (#2,113,570)

I have talked to him about this, I offered to join him in skateboarding and he agreed to that and we agreed to plan one day out of the week to do something different. We never lived up to either of those things

Turbulent_Cicada_516 OP t1_jadi5j7 wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:33 PM

#2,113,962

Replying to Flashleyredneck (#2,113,565)

I’ve offered to join him in skateboarding and we agreed to that as well as to plan something different for at least 1day out of the week but neither of those things happen. I’ve tried initiating sexual intimacy but it doesn’t last long and he doesn’t reciprocate it the next time we hang out or the days following

herdingcats2020 t1_jadi6o1 wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:34 PM

#2,113,969

What's his reasoning for no contact before 9pm? Was it just randomly he stopped inviting you to things or did something initiate it? Do you ever plan dates?

Turbulent_Cicada_516 OP t1_jadiik4 wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:36 PM

#2,114,089

Replying to UsuallyWrite2 (#2,113,482)

We tried. I offered to join him in skateboarding to which he agreed cuz he goes often and before 9pm but we’ve never followed up on that and I don’t want to pester him any further about taking me

Turbulent_Cicada_516 OP t1_jaditjz wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:38 PM

#2,114,208

Replying to herdingcats2020 (#2,113,969)

He gets off work around like 5 and then either goes skating or like picture taking. He’ll still text me but made it clear that 9 is the earliest he can do. I’ve offered to join him in skating and he agreed but that’s never happened and I fear of pestering him to take me

Turbulent_Cicada_516 OP t1_jadizur wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:39 PM

#2,114,277

Replying to herdingcats2020 (#2,113,969)

And yeah he just randomly stopped inviting me. We tried to plan doing something special 1 day out of the week but we never followed up with that

[deleted] t1_jadlcrx wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:54 PM

#2,115,048

[removed]

ZharethZhen t1_jaea3p6 wrote on February 28, 2023 at 8:30 PM

#2,123,225

Replying to Turbulent_Cicada_516 (#2,113,962)

Don't offer to join him. Say, I have a table booked on Thursday, see you there. I have tickets for a movie at 8. I booked us seats at the outdoor theatre. Etc.

But yes, he is comfortable and doesn't feel the need to try.

Just be upfront with him. Tell him you are bored of the routine and don't want to continue like this.