Submitted by ConsistentUpstairs99 t3_11enqjv in relationship_advice
I have involuntary intrusive thoughts sometimes of often horrible things, and normally I just ignore them. I know they’re involuntary and (according to a study) experienced by 94% of the population. Some of these have been of a sexual/violent nature of things I would NEVER do. For example, thinking of jumping from a high place, crashing your car on purpose, or when holding a baby I can experience a thought of harming the baby although I obviously never would. An example of a sexual one is very briefly having a thought of a sexual scene with a random person that I immediately just push out of my head.
But recently it came up in conversation with my fiancé, who I guess has never experienced this. She’s very disturbed, and despite my explaining it and how it’s very common to experience, she’s insisting it’s not normal. I don’t know how to approach this with her because she’s refusing to listen to me.
With the direction the conversation took, I mentioned that a time when i think I didn’t have intrusive sexual thoughts was when we just started dating and in the honeymoon phase, similar to how people are when they have a crush. At that point I think I wasn’t having any such thoughts.
She’s insisting the sexual thoughts must not be the same as the other intrusive thoughts since they stopped during the honeymoon phase (while the other types of thoughts did not), and she’s arguing that if you truly love a person you won’t be imagining anything with anybody else (again for me these are involuntary and I get rid of them asap).
Because of this, she’s worried about the future and if someday I might start to indulge in these thoughts, or if the thoughts somehow indicate I’m not interested in her anymore.
For context: we both don’t watch porn and she is pregnant, which plays into her worrying I might not find her as attractive anymore.
Help please!
Update: Now she found out about the intrusive thoughts about possibly harming babies (again, I would never do this and this is actually common https://bjgp.org/content/67/661/376) and she is getting very upset. And calling me “sick” for having them and that she’s not going to trust me with my baby.
AutoModerator t1_jaf1ula wrote
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.