I was an alter boy all my teenage years at a small suburban Catholic church and let me describe what was drilled into me :

The "rules" were the church, if it was just like empty, was fine to walk in front of the altar. But when the Eucharist was present, you had to genuflect in front of the altar. A lot of people honestly did it all the time, because the ins and outs of the monotonous ceremony made it hard to remember when to do it, so better safe than sorry.

Anyway, we'd proceed in carrying a cross and candles in dramatic fashion. Stand, kneel, stand, kneel, stand.

And now a reading from the book of boring. And a 2nd reading. Now the priest will give a homily about how one of the boring stories reflects on modern life, as much as he can being a Catholic priest at least.

Then it's time to say an Our Father, and shake hands with everyone around you. Really gets a sense of community going.

And now, for our main act - take it away on the organ! Pass the collection basket around! OK now just to be sure we didn't miss anyone, pass it around a second time! Get all that guilt out folks, into the collection basket.

Now that you've given us our money, here comes the wafers and wine, some light refreshment. We carry it up with the priest and sprinkle some water on his hands to "wash" them (ew), and assume position on the bells.

"Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world. Have mercy on us." in as monotone as possible. Now come get your snacks!

OK a few announcements, we have a coffee klatch next Sunday so everyone bring your dozen donuts.

Finally : "You may go in peace". And with 300% more enthusiasm than any other part of the rhythmic chanting through the entire mass, everyone responds "Thanks be to God!". And then you wait for 20 aisles of old people slowly to file out - shaking the hands of the priest on the way out, who has just basically touched everyone's mouth.