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CorvidConspirator OP t1_iy4ctwc wrote

Reply to comment by jjdubbs in Best part of my day - travelling from the homeless shelter to my day spot. by CorvidConspirator

Revel in the fact that I've somehow landed a rich friend's richer dad's empty affair penthouse, build model kits friends buy me, take lots of nudes, fuck my friends a lot, play with toys, read, watch shit, get stoned, stay stoned, write, work on getting my metal vocals voice back in shape, have panic attacks, existential crisises and paranoid delusions, and play dumb mobile games.

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jusbeans t1_iy4o96k wrote

Read anything good lately?

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CorvidConspirator OP t1_iy4osxq wrote

Just reread Rendezvous with Rama. I completely forgot about Simps and Simp Masters. Got an actual spit take out of me.

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jusbeans t1_iy5ohb6 wrote

Wow read the wikipedia article for it (yeah I’m one of those people) and it looks really good

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richtakacs t1_iy4te44 wrote

this is a pretty good daily to do list.

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CorvidConspirator OP t1_iy4xk2l wrote

It's pretty hollow tbh. I am on a fuck ton of meds, I dissociate a lot, and most days I'm just barely holding on. These are distractions at best.

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richtakacs t1_iy53g2a wrote

Is online school or a daytime online job an option? Having that kind of structure might help. You have a good setup during the day to get some things done too.

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CorvidConspirator OP t1_iy54bu6 wrote

Not really. I'm in appeals for SSI precisely because I can't work. I'm far too unreliable and reactively sensitive.

I'm also buried in student debt for an incomplete art degree from years ago before I was diagnosed and fully understood just how unwell I was. Dropped out like every third semester.

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Equal_Artichoke_4391 t1_iy5oar2 wrote

“I can’t work”

Haha… I’m sorry, but that’s the biggest load of Bs I’ve ever seen …just be honest with us ..you choose not to work.

Being unreliable and sensitive is not a disability and I truly hope you lose your appeal.

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CorvidConspirator OP t1_iy5ondx wrote

Ok bud. I mean those are the effective results of what I deal with but I mean, psychosis, mania, and wild and sometimes violent episodes are what I live with. But I mean you do you.

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T_ja t1_iy5fj4w wrote

Why do you go to the shelter if you have access to the penthouse?

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CorvidConspirator OP t1_iy5kdkm wrote

I'm not allowed to be here overnight more than a few times a month, owners rules. Besides, it just puts off a problem - I need to stay in the shelter to qualify for housing support, which I absolutely will need. This isn't a "I just need to get back on my feet" kind of situation. It will take me years of intensive therapy before I could hold any kind of real income unless I get very lucky and manage to write a book or three that sell ok. Which is hard when you're super mentally ill. And the truth of it is, I am a pretty severe case. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I may never get better. The frontline modality didn't work, and others I'm trying now are having limited success managing symptoms a little, but my outlook is pretty bleak.

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BenceBoys t1_iy4gupg wrote

I mean… i believe that’s the end-goal of most peoples lives… 😉

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CorvidConspirator OP t1_iy4ixr7 wrote

It's not so good when you have zero money, no permanent living situation, a shelter where your life is constantly in danger because of who and what you are, constant dissociative episodes where sometimes you wake up in someone's bed that you don't remember meeting, coming down from hard drugs you don't remember taking, and frequent flier status with the psych ward.

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ross-geller t1_iy4tpuy wrote

Sounds like you’re having the time of your life.

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CorvidConspirator OP t1_iy4xq4a wrote

Sure. If your idea of a good time is being raped and surviving a few murder attempts.

Also, I'm a lesbian. When you're manic, you're almost someone else, you do things you'd never do. It's literally psychosis. And when you wake up next to a man, and pretty sure you just did meth again, it feels so fucking vile.

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