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Thisfuckingwebsite t1_j1fctni wrote

The very existence of gift-expectation neutralizes the meaning of gift giving. A gift should be given under the explicit understanding that you wont get anything back, because your gift itself would be a surprise.

Gifts should only be for very special reasons and should be either private or anonymous. Otherwise its not really about the illustration of caring, its about self-reward at the recipients expense (granted, that recipient may "make out" on the deal from a materialistic standpoint,though)

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mcr1974 t1_j1fmqul wrote

This is interesting and resonates loud with what I've learnt to perceive. But if it's to be unexpected then it shouldn't be given for a special reason, as it would be expected.

But perhaps I've misunderstood what you mean by special reason.

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Thisfuckingwebsite t1_j1fvoms wrote

Yeah its an ambiguous area because no two definitions of what qualifies as special would be the same but im imagining a world where to give a gift would actually be a humbling and gracious act thatd youd only feel comfortable doing in very specific circumstances, and to expect a gift from anyone would be considered pompous

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mcr1974 t1_j1fwb1b wrote

I like that.

I also follow the "karma" theory. e. g. daughter talks a lot about stranger things, I see a stranger things christmas jumper, I buy it as a gift for her.

girlfriend talks about getting into a shop to buy a new phone for her son. I have a spare new one that I bought online and it's 2x as good and half as expensive as the one she'd get in the shop - off it goes to her son. etcetc

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Thisfuckingwebsite t1_j1fyjrn wrote

Yup, agreed. I like to give a modest gift that I know happens to align with their priorities/challenges/passions/pain points. Not on the life changing level but on the "ohh fuckin sweet man thank you haha" type level. The best gift a person can give is convenience

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mcr1974 t1_j1fyxfv wrote

i tend not to give presents for Christmas and birthdays to my kids (they already get too much "anything they want" throughout the year). but have been coaxed into putting something (even symbolic says my 12-year-old) under the tree this year. For tradition reasons she says.

I can't for the life of God enjoy receiving presents. and almost dread them.

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strattele1 t1_j1gevml wrote

I used to be like that. Reading senecas essay on benefits was useful for me, not just in how to give but especially in how to receive and show gratitude. I always felt grateful but so awkward and indebted.

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