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europahasicenotmice t1_jbw387k wrote

I've struggled to get a mental health diagnosis for years. My therapist confidently assured me that due to this and that criteria, I was not bipolar. My psychiatrist said that it's possible that I am.

I'm gonna keep trying different treatments until I find one that works, and theres something oddly reassuring about the concept that no one really knows, and the whole system is figuring out how to deal with each individual case by case.

I thought that I was just so fucked up that I was confusing to mental health professionals.

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yehhey t1_jbx7c2t wrote

Isn’t it stressful in your body and mind to keep on trying new medications over and over? You have to ween off the old ones before trying the news ones without knowing if you spent enough time on them before stopping.

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europahasicenotmice t1_jbxez6p wrote

Absolutely. But it's a lot harder on my body to deal with where I am without medication -- random bouts of insomnia, constant anxiety, bouts of depression where I don't exercise or eat right, and self-destructive patterns of drug use.

I do feel that I've spent enough time on each different med before stopping. The side effects in the first two weeks were enough to know that some weren't right for me.

And what I'm on now worked great on the lowest dose for a few months, then seemed less effective, so the dose was increased, and now it helps again. So I've been on the same medication for several months now.

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cherrybombsnpopcorn t1_jbxdxw8 wrote

Adhd in women is commonly misdiagnosed as bpd. Maybe read about inattentive type adhd.

A lot of women dont find the correct treatment until they treat their undiagnosed adhd.

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europahasicenotmice t1_jbxgwyd wrote

Yep, that's another potential diagnosis that's been considered for me. And it's not clear which symptoms are PTSD and which ones are different illnesses.

And then you throw in the confusion of hormonal birth control.

Buproprion has worked really well for me for a while, which seems like a good indication that it's an adhd/depression combination.

My mother was abusive. She is also a doctor, and when teenage me started fighting back, she had me put on mood stabilizers for bipolar. I didn't take them for long, but when I left home that question always lingered for me - am I dealing with trauma or mental illness? Both? Which illness? My ups and downs are extreme and self-destructive.

I did talk therapy for a long time and despite improvements, it wasn't fixing things in a significant way. I was resistant to medication for lots of reasons. Having a hard time trusting doctors, worrying about the effects of trying different medications, seeing my sister use adhd meds to support her anorexia. And also, being worried about the label.

But antidepressants have turned my life around. I can think straight again. I get up in the morning and I want to do things. I can focus and prioritize. Some days I wake up happy just because.

This was a very long-winded response that you did not ask for, but it's all to say: at this point, I don't care what they say I have. I'm just happy that the treatment works.

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cherrybombsnpopcorn t1_jbxilin wrote

I’m on cymbalta and vyvanse now, and I’m doing pretty well. I found an amazing doctor on circle medical. Getting actual therapy is my next step. I’m pretty sure i have cptsd from my mom too.

Congrats on getting out. It takes a lot to take care of yourself and advocate for yourself the way you are.

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europahasicenotmice t1_jbxzce3 wrote

It's funny, PTSD is the one diagnosis that every mental health professional I've seen has agreed on, and it's the one that I still feel like an imposter when I say it. Some of my coworkers are veterans and the shit they've been through...it's really hard to see myself in the same category.

But from the time I was born til the time I left home, I got up every day not knowing if I would be safe. I didn't know what stability felt like til I made it for myself as an adult. And I'm still training myself to accept that I deserve it, that I'm allowed to set boundaries with people who disrupt it, and that it's perfectly OK to not make everyone around me happy. If you think your childhood was traumatic, then it probably was. Part of the abuse is being conditioned to believe that it's not abuse.

I didn't expect this, but the antidepressants cleared my head in a way that made the things I was learning in therapy click. Like I understood them rationally beforehand, but I had a really hard time practicing them or feeling them. Now I'm able to catch things in the moment, rather than hours or days later.

I'm glad you're doing well!

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W4TC t1_jbxkddl wrote

bpd is borderline personality disorder ... bipolar affective disorder is BPAD

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Dionysus_2720 t1_jbwzjf1 wrote

I see “mental health” as more of a religion, or a cult, than a true scientific or medical field. There’s a distinct lack of falsifiable claims for it to meet a certain threshold of objectivity.

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puradus t1_jbx9v19 wrote

More specifically, religion with some degree of double blind randomized control trial.

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Dionysus_2720 t1_jbxgep2 wrote

No such thing as a true control sample when it comes to human beings, at least for the conditions wrapped up under the “mental health” umbrella.

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puradus t1_jbxse2z wrote

Well I didn’t mean in diagnosis, but randomized control trial in psychiatric drugs/indications.

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