There's also an option to "not play" and walk away, which is often the only viable strategy when dealing with someone strong in narcissistic tendencies/behaviors. (Depending on the power structure involved. If someone has power over another, it means they may not have the agency to walk away. Power-to, power-with, power-within also exist and can change how much agency the "players" have.)

With human interactions, I find choosing trustworthy, re-humanizing behaviors that build secure attachment, actually build secure attachment over time (shocker!). Whereas, untrustworthy, dehumanizing, behaviors are disconnecting and destroy secure attachment (aka devolve into normalized abuse, neglect, and dehumanization - for example, emotional neglect is normalized and widespread across the globe). I continue to interact with others that choose trustworthy re-humanizing behaviors and I stop interacting with people that choose untrustworthy, dehumanizing behaviors as the patterns emerge.

These are the trust metrics I use:

The Trust Triangle - authenticity, empathy, logic (what we say and how we say it)

The Anatomy of Trust - marble jar concept and BRAVING acronym

10 definitions of objectifying/dehumanizing behaviors - these erode trust

I take each trust metric and ask myself:

Am I allowing others to be authentic? Are they allowing me to be authentic? (aka no racism, sexism, homophobia, etc)

Am I being empathetic towards myself and others? Are they reciprocating empathy or are they being abusive, neglectful, and dehumanizing?

Are they using logic, science, data, etc, or are they lying, being coercive, manipulative, etc? (No verbal abuse, emotional abuse, no coercive control, etc)

Am I setting and respecting reasonable boundaries? Does the other person respect boundaries or do they need to be protected from bc they ignore boundaries?

Etc, down the line through all twenty trust metrics.

I had to escape an abusive family and culture of origin. My perspectives on trust are heavily biased by my experiences in the world, having endured child abuse. I needed guidelines for which behaviors actuality build trust bc I had terrible examples to compare to. And most people say they're trustworthy, and choose untrustworthy behaviors on the regular. Often it's unsafe to be authentic bc of the implication of "or else!" The toxic system feigns "niceness" as long as you conform. As soon as you do something they don't like (aka don't take the abuse like a good little prisoner) the implied threat of "or else!" kicks in, sometimes literally. The toxic person/group will then abuse, neglect, and dehumanize the target to coerce them back into the toxic rules of the system. In many cases, the safest option is to stay quiet, fly under the radar, and plot an exit strategy. Abusers aren't gonna change, and they most definitely don't play fair or act in good faith. The only thing we can do is separate ourselves from them. It's like war games. When it comes to abusers, the only way to win is not to play. If the people with positional power are the abusers, well leave that group, plot an escape, go undercover and underground. It's a waste of time, energy, and effort to engage an abuser.

Books on attachment theory - what helps us thrive as human mammals, and communication skills/strategies:

"Becoming Attached - first relationships and how they shape our capacity to love" by Robert Karen. This is a deep dive on attachment theory.

"Hold Me Tight" by Sue Johnson. Communication strategies based on adult attachment theory research.

"NonViolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg. This is a compassionate communication framework based on: observations vs. evaluations, needs, feelings, and requests to have needs met. Revolutionary coming from a dysfunctional family and culture of origin.

"Emotional Agility" by Susan David and books by Stephen Porges and Deb Dana on polyvagal theory, regulation skills, and window of tolerance. Often abuse occurs when people are outside their window of tolerance and lash out.