Just by this response I can see you have the frame of mind (and writing ability) to do very well. You’re definitely on the right path. Reddit and people in general often miss that life is much more shades of gray than black and white. Good luck.

I think you should seek out real human professional mentors to help guide you. Social media will never be a substitute for that. I’m from a blue collar family and didn’t have those invisible skills either so I created a “personal board of directors” to help me learn them.

Apply to a local leadership program or look through your network on LinkedIn asking one or two people for informational interviews.

Also want to note that I find reddit financial advice to be mostly geared toward the lowest common denominator. For example 90% of car posts will have “do not finance, only buy what you can afford with cash” as the most upvoted. This isn’t necessarily bad advice, it’s just the safest advice that’s geared towards those who tend to purchase beyond their means. If you have a good stable income/credit to where the interest rate on a new car is lower what you get from HYS or CDs, then buying in cash may not be the best option for you. Simply put, there’s a lot of stuff on Reddit that should not be blanket applied to real life scenarios, and only you can judge what makes sense for you. Lesson learned and best of luck to you.

> So when the HR person was pushing me, of course I instinctively wanted to just answer and move it along.

When she said "she couldn't move forward with the interview until she had realistic answers to those questions" I would have responded with "realistic answers to those questions are" and then made up the numbers I wanted them to be. So if for example you would have been happy with $80K, name $80-$100K your expected salary range (since they WILL offer you the floor of your expected range). Basically they are asking you to pick a number that's in their salary band range, and if it's in the upper end of that range you need to qualify it in some way with your skills and experience justifying being above average.

If their salary range is $50-$70K for example, then by naming such a high price you are pricing yourself out of that job and that's probably a good thing.

What kind of position are you looking for? I interview people a lot, I'd conduct a mock interview with you if its in my area of expertise.

Hi - just giving my perspective here from someone at a high level in my company, HR background (no longer in HR).

You did the right thing! The ONLY reason they want your current pay is to make you the candidate the lowest offer possible. In most professional companies, they have a hiring range ($40-80k for example). If they find out you are at $30k, they well may offer you $40k and you feel like you have moved up. In reality, your market research would leave you to believe you are worth $50k. They know you are in a bad spot turning down a $40k offer when you are at $30k and may hold firm. Don’t work for these kinds of companies.

You might benefit from Toastmasters. It's a great resource for speaking in public and trying stuff like mock interviews, etc. It's all about practice and becoming comfortable in a situation because you've been there - done that.

You should check out the free HireClub group on Facebook.

I spent almost a year on the free group before paying for a salary negotiation session and a resume review.

The people in the group are often in tech companies and recruiting - and the whole point of the group is to help you get a job with a significant pay rise. Honestly being in the group and quietly reading the posts, especially by Ketan (the founder) redefined my entire mindset around money (salary) and interviews. You are the product of the people you spend time with - and i think you can see that from the Reddit subs that you spend time with. There’s also the question about the interview and HR where they have suggestions on what to say if the recruiter pushes for a range and you could try that. Don’t knock a HireClub coach as well - a coach can help you find jobs within their own network if they think you’re a suitable candidate.

Please don’t be embarrassed that you didn’t read the room. You are feeling self-conscious that it’s because you came from a blue collar family. But what if I told you that everyone makes mistakes when interviewing, including the exact same mistake you did?

Would you then make more excuses and insist it’s because you’re from a blue collar family? Even so-called middle or upper class kids have no idea how to manage interviews or read the room - it’s something that comes with practice and experience for sure.

Brush it off - you’ve been very mature about it, don’t be discouraged!

Also I paid $300 to HireClub to learn that the first thing you should know is that in majority of cases it’s better to hop jobs for a huge raise, and that your company will likely only consider a raise if you come to them with a competitor’s offer IN HAND, and even then it’s unlikely that they will match the competitor’s offer. Plus you’re also setting yourself up for being the next person to be laid off anyway - so…. never ever ger super attached to your company. Know your value and treat your job as a job and try to take away emotions when you’re making a career decision. Your company and bosses are nice to you because they want you to stay for their own benefit.

Also remember - “don’t negotiate against yourself.” and tell yourself you can’t do it before you tried. but i’m sure you know that!

And don’t knock mock interviews - if there are people willing to do mock interviews for free (I saw it in the comments), please take them. Always good to learn and practice (but take people’s comments with a pinch of salt and research it if it’s not common advice).

I man the future, I would look up the expected salary ranges on the web and provide an “expectation range” based on the results. I agree that you shouldn’t have to share your current salary, but it’s also helpful for both sides to see if expectations are similar on both sides.

The situation sounds like total bullshit. Normally if you are in this situation, they should just give you a wide range based on their own comp research.

To be frank, most wording and advice I see on this sub is terrible or disconnected from human interaction. There are great broad takeaways, but sometimes this sub needs to be treated with a grain of salt. You said this was a job you really wanted and in that case, you should've been more lenient especially if you thought there would be a bigger income involved. The type of advice here is typically for a specific type of person and not a broad blanket of most people. If I took this subreddit's advice, I wouldn't have my current job which I really enjoy. Lowkey, this subreddit sometimes feels like WSB without the comedy. It reads like 20 something financier or tech bros simply trying to get the next big check and are playing at professionalism when in reality, there are certain employers who'd flatout reject you by parroting some word choices here. Your poverty background is a survival background and it would've done you favors this time rather than the hardballers some of these folks larp being.

One thing to remember is that it is easy for someone on the other side of the screen to tell you perfect advise if things work perfectly and to be song and not give in all the whole failing to live up to that or never actually haven taken their own advise.

>when

I've never known a company where HR are the ones nixing the interview. If you had an onsite interview, I can't imagine HR being able to fail you unless you started spouting racist nonsense.

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Maybe you already were not gonna get the job and the HR rep was just going through the motions? Don't feel bad, this place probably wouldn't be a good fit if you have to worry about office politics from the first day.

> Personal problem, I take full responsibility, and I'll try to do better next time.

Just a note - taking this approach will take you so far in life. Rather than stubbornly adhering to your preconceived ideas, being able to listen to new information, immediately accept a correction and learn from mistakes will pay dividends.

I've interviewed a lot of people. In general, there are virtually no black-and-white situations that require only one type of response. Always read the room and make sure you're processing what is happening in front of you. Note that this doesn't always mean to change your behavior if you've decided on a course of action - but you should still be aware of what's happening.

In a scenario where an HR person is making blunt demands for information and is appearing annoyed, I would probably at least consider that refusing to provide the information will result in my not getting the job. Basically anything you do to piss people off in the interview process can result in not getting the job.

That doesn't mean, "don't ever piss people off." It just means that you should know it's happening and know the potential outcome. Adjust accordingly.