Momofboog t1_iyb7spb wrote on November 30, 2022 at 2:35 AM

What is causing the inability to do these things? Is it dementia or some other medical issue?

bryceisafishstik OP t1_iyb964b wrote on November 30, 2022 at 2:45 AM

She has really bad mental health problems and also some kind of undiagnosed gastritis that has put her in and out of the hospital. Doctors haven’t been able to figure it out either. She doesn’t have cancer somehow considering she has abused alcohol and nicotine most of her life. She keeps vaping which I think is the main reason she keeps having her stomach issues. Also she has been admitted to mental health institutions a bunch of times and always says the right things to get out and get the psychiatrist to deem her not a risk.

She’s basically content to sit in her apartment and watch tv and order food (if she can even eat due to the stomach problems). She has difficulty even paying her bills on time because she just tells us “I’ll get to it later, I’m too tired today”. If my fiancé and I did not exist she would probably waste away in her apartment until she ran out of money. That’s why I’m trying to figure out somewhere she can go where someone can take care of her, which I know is not typical because she isn’t like old and demented. She is just totally dependent

Momofboog t1_iybcqbk wrote on November 30, 2022 at 3:13 AM

She sounds a lot like my mother. We moved her into an assisted living facility that doles out her medication. She suffers from EXTREME paranoia when her medication is not calibrated precisely so the assisted living has been a major stabilizing force. It is very expensive - around $4200 per month. She’s got some assets that she is burning through, but there will come a time where I will be in the position of having to pay for her or explore Medicaid.

Is your future MIL on Medicaid? (Not Medicare…)

Does she have a social worker?

Another resource is r/agingparents

Here’s a link to some of what Medicaid covers

bryceisafishstik OP t1_iybs70e wrote on November 30, 2022 at 5:32 AM

How would I get her a social worker? Also she’s not on Medicaid yet, we were going to get her to apply for that this week

Momofboog t1_iybu3up wrote on November 30, 2022 at 5:52 AM

I would reach out to the local chapter of the Florida’s department of elder affairs and see if they can connect you with a social worker. The trouble we had a lot of the time was that my mom would be appointed a social worker who was employed within the hospital ER and their job would be to ensure she got referred and moved to the psych hospital… and then at the psych hospital one that seemed to just give out pamphlets and let her know about intensive outpatient group therapy and try to get her out… I would be like JESUS IS THERE ANYONE WHO CAN JUST MAKE HER TAKE MEDS?

so the ones you encounter in crisis mode typically are employed by the institutions and have very short term purviews. So I think going to the council on aging may be able to help more broadly with housing and Medicaid applications.

27Believe t1_iybfxuo wrote on November 30, 2022 at 3:39 AM

that’s a hell of a mess. I hope for your sake she does not come to live with you.

Momofboog t1_iybuhcc wrote on November 30, 2022 at 5:56 AM

Yeah when my mom went to my brothers house one night and he woke up in the middle of the night to see her crouching in front of the door in a protective stance with a knife… I knew I had made the right (but difficult) choice not to allow my mom to stay at my home even in times of crisis. I have a 5 year old that I want to protect and I do not want to scare….