At your income level things become discretionary, to a certain point. I wouldn't say there is a target, you just need to figure out if your cash flows cover it. (And if there is a downturn in your careers, are you able to continue to commit to this path?) Our income levels were similar, in a what I would consider a MCOL area. (It can be VHCOL, but that's not our lifestyle.) We made it work.

We spent a lot on our children's education, why? Because it is something that my wife and I firmly believe is among the most important investments. It didn't slow down our savings rate, didn't require debt; at most it cost us by deciding to not upgrade a house, buy a vacation home, etc.

I will say this, prep your child for some extreme differences in wealth especially if you are looking at old money schools. Your kiddo will be poverty line and potentially "cultural/social poverty line" if you don't have a family connection or some type of legacy (2nd, 3rd, 5th generation), they will likely experience some type of bully at some point. (Some insecure, obnoxious kid trying to fix his/her own ego.) Some kids thrive, some don't.

My son's best friend (for more than 15 years now) had a Bentley and a driver at home, and flew home on an owned private jet for holidays. Absolutely awesome kid & family, but we've met his parents twice. (8th grade and 12th grade graduations.) He spends a couple of weeks over the summer with them and they had a person who texted/set up logistics vs the normal mom to mom communication when he was younger.