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wanderingsong t1_j90ozdz wrote

Reply to comment by wXy_5GHz in I just wanted to ask a girl for directions on the subway, and she absolutely made my day by skyeyemx

you probably meant this as a funny comment, but honestly, shit like this drives me up a wall. I've felt like I had to get less friendly over time because people love to interpret it as an opening. NYC RBF is armour against dudes following you for a block trying to ask you more about yourself.

are people incapable of being friendly to others without wanting to get into their pants or some other transaction? why the compulsion to read romantic intent into everything?

if kindness were less conditional, maybe we'd be able to express it more freely.

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tiptoemicrobe t1_j914su2 wrote

>why the compulsion to read romantic intent into everything?

Sadly, a lot of people are lonely, and your being nice to them can seem unique and important as a result.

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quaid31 t1_j90x8gy wrote

You act like this is a common occurrence. Don’t let the few shitty people you have encountered alter your expressions.

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denardosbae t1_j910uky wrote

It is absolutely a common occurrence for young women.

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smoonyc t1_j912fqz wrote

This is normal for women.

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QuarterlyGentleman t1_j91ay0s wrote

Guy here, and even I know this is an extraordinarily normal occurrence for women. You could fill two Reddits with the social stuff men don’t realize women go through on a daily basis.

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quaid31 t1_j92rtav wrote

I’ve never seen a woman get followed by guys on the street unless they are homeless or mental disorders in which we all get followed

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smoonyc t1_j92xcxw wrote

Such a misogynistic male response: “If it didn’t happen to me or I didn’t see it happen then it must not be true!” 🖕🏻

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quaid31 t1_j92ziqy wrote

Typical response from someone who has different viewpoints. BTW. Don’t assume anyone’s gender here.

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smoonyc t1_j9330sf wrote

Even worse - internalized misogyny if you’re a woman.

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Magali_Lunel t1_j912n11 wrote

It's happened to me 3 times in the past month, and I'm not even young anymore

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quaid31 t1_j92ojw6 wrote

3 times in a month people followed you for a block to get more info? Doubt

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Magali_Lunel t1_j95fjup wrote

Have you ever actually met a woman or do you just read about them on Reddit?

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volkommm t1_j9110hu wrote

Boohoo people find you attractive and want to get to know you better. What a horrible predicament.

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Uiluj t1_j917edw wrote

I've had an guys ask me if I was in high school and where I go to school. If I tell them I'm an adult, they would keep insisting I look really young, where do I live, and where I was going.

It is a horrible predicament. Its never someone who's nice and friendly, its always some creepy aggressive pedophile. If it was a social setting like a bar, I might want to have a conversation if men knew how to handle rejection. But on the bus, please don't follow me home.

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iv2892 t1_j91coog wrote

Just out of curiosity do you feel is there an improvement in the education and social code to make sure more men realize this ? I think is okay to try to socialize with a woman I just met but si Also understand that if she doesn’t seem to do much of a conversation I just say bye and move along since I don’t want to make anybody feel uncomfortable because I hate it when it happens to me.

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Uiluj t1_j91hcgr wrote

I think it's the reality of living in a city with millions of people. Even if only a tiny fraction of that population are creepy misogynists, that loud and sexually aggressive minority will be overrepresented in public spaces.

I think it depends on the community, job sector, etc. I think the younger generation are more likely to be compassionate with the lived experience of women in nyc. But there's still a non-negligible amount of machismo and objectification going on.

I have no dating advice on how to navigate romance while be cognizant of the patriarchy. Just be friendly and nice, and people can usually read your intentions if you have no ulterior motive. If you're looking for a longterm romantic relationship, Just be yourself and honest. You save yourself from a lot of trouble and heartbreak.

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iv2892 t1_j91lngo wrote

For sure , maybe because even as a guy I remember I would get pressured from other guys telling to make moves with any moderately attractive woman I talk to or I’m friends with. In their mind you can’t possibly be just friends with women . I absolutely hate that type of machismo and even men can be victims of that .

What’s more frustrating about “macho guys” like this is they would screech and get violent if other guys do the same thing to their gf’s, mothers , sisters , etc. but yet they think it’s okay for they themselves to harass other women.

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