Submitted by asteriskspace t3_103773s in nottheonion
Comments
NetDork t1_j2xfkxj wrote
That would honestly have been the perfect time for a robbery.
Llenette1 t1_j2y69kp wrote
Great... now I have to write this movie.
NetDork t1_j2yedjo wrote
Send me the GoFundMe link when it's time to start production.
internetlad t1_j2z22kq wrote
Freethecrafts t1_j2zzum9 wrote
Add zombies as the distraction.
Llenette1 t1_j2zzyeq wrote
(Takes notes)
MasonP2002 t1_j30ewa3 wrote
This happened with lifeguards and drowning: https://apnews.com/article/9ed21d08e67a531621b4b6821cfadf85
jamiexx89 t1_j32x6nr wrote
Isn't rule number 1 to not mention having a quiet evening as a paramedic? I think it could be extended to lifeguards not talking about lack of drownings.
cgknight1 t1_j316jst wrote
Nothing to rob - only about 2% of the banks have cash in them anymore.
HypnoSmoke t1_j2zp8nx wrote
Yeah, I bet it won't be too long now lol
Cannaewulnaewidnae t1_j2y2c6u wrote
Even criminals don't use their local bank branch anymore
Bind_Moggled t1_j2ywzsr wrote
Yep. It’s all online these days.
LittleKitty235 t1_j2z3met wrote
The real robbers work for the banks.
no_gold_here t1_j2zzefb wrote
Always have been
UCFknight2016 t1_j308qxv wrote
*own the banks. Best way to rob a bank is to run one.
BobbyLeeBob t1_j30z83t wrote
Especially Danske Bank which loves white washing Russian money, blaming teenagers, getting lots of welfare from the government etc. You know if a bank has a country name in it like Deutsche bank, bank of America or danske bank. MOVE ON OR GET OUT!
BobbyLeeBob t1_j30zb1p wrote
In eu we have union back banks which are much better and not straight up evil
Bind_Moggled t1_j35079j wrote
In Capitalist America, bank robs you!
mnij2015 t1_j302mul wrote
Less risk for sure
SilasX t1_j32mec6 wrote
"Gimme all the cash in the vault!"
'What's cash?'
vjx99 t1_j2y9rof wrote
No wonder, no Danish people would still enter a bank physically.
vrenak t1_j2yksuq wrote
Good luck even finding one, let alone one that has cash.
ThatITguy2015 t1_j2z1svx wrote
Because they’ve all been robbed?
vrenak t1_j2z2zdr wrote
Nah, because they just close them down to save money, gotta have those annual profits stay in the billions....
NotBettyGrable t1_j2zk95k wrote
Canada has joined the conversation. It's pretty unfortunate for remote communities here. It can be very far to the next town. All these branch closure decision coming to you from people in Toronto who have never been anywhere else in Canada.
MatthewBakke t1_j2zmh2h wrote
This is surprising to me. In the southern US I sometimes feel the only thing being built is an army of banks.
thcidiot t1_j2zv4vi wrote
Back in 2006-2007 it seemed like a new one was popping up on every corner. Wonder what happened to cause them to start closing?
FanClubof5 t1_j2zzcaq wrote
A big financial crisis that caused a number of banks to go under and new regulations for those that didn't.
thcidiot t1_j2zzh4y wrote
I was trying to be tongue in cheek, but it clearly didn't come across that way
cgknight1 t1_j316ozu wrote
Americans seems highly resistant to the cashless society and also the country lacks the types of banking regulations you see elsewhere that have enabled the transition (for example - card fees are capped at 0.5% in the EU for businesses) so that does not surprise me. Another example is that in most places in europe, cashapps are not a thing because transfers between banks are free, instant and safe.
jamar030303 t1_j32uzni wrote
>Another example is that in most places in europe, cashapps are not a thing because transfers between banks are free, instant and safe.
Two other factors:
-
In the US, having someone's bank routing and account number is enough to initiate a withdrawal from their account. You can't do that with just an IBAN in SEPA countries.
-
SEPA bank transfers still require you to know someone's legal name. One thing some people like about "cashapps" is that you don't need to give the sender your legal name.
MatthewBakke t1_j37trbt wrote
I’m familiar with this difference from friends overseas. They think it’s weird to use a third party non-bank, I think it’s weird people have their identity and the bank can see all transactions.
Ncsu_Wolfpack86 t1_j3e6z9w wrote
This is true but Denmark also has a very common cash transfer app. You can also pay in a decent percentage of stores with it, too.
[deleted] t1_j3g1u2l wrote
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NotBettyGrable t1_j3244gr wrote
We only have a few banks in Canada and they are billion dollar a quarter behemoths with no real competition, much like our media companies. They have gala dinners with all the important political people so I don't think that is going to change anytime soon. There are credit unions as an alternative but there are trade offs to using them, for the average person it probably has more to do with the marketing reach of the big banks, to be honest.
The crazy thing is, they want to close branches but still want you to come in for high touch service so they can try to sell you stuff. Like I was trying to transfer money in from another bank and they wanted me to come in to discuss. They have two different agendas that conflict at the moment.
geeneepeegs t1_j2zsb3f wrote
Ah, same problems in Australia; we’ve had plenty of closures in my town which only means I have to drive an extra ten minutes, but it’s very devastating for those living out in the bush.
NotBettyGrable t1_j32491o wrote
Yep I grew up in the Canadian bush, the bank I opened an account with 30 years or more ago was moved to a city bank.
Edit: 40 minutes away.
vrenak t1_j315w9v wrote
When our post offices began closing years ago, they started, especially in smaller villages to have the local grocery store have a limited hours service desk for postal services, maybe they should look into that kind of deal, especially for a country like Canada, the more remote areas could be hours away, or completely inaccessible for the elderly, even just a few hours a couple of days could mean the world.
NotBettyGrable t1_j32665a wrote
Postal banking would be great for the average Canadian but it costs a lot of money to run a political party and the fancy people who own everything and the ones who run for office go to the same gala dinners.
That may sound like conspiracy but it's just the gross way major companies operate in Canada. We pay crazy high phone bills and bank fees and internet. We have a few major companies selling each of those and their markets are protected.
We have a few major grocery stores. They apparently fixed the price of bread for 14-16 years. So far the biggest consequence has been a $25 gift certificate from one of the companies involved. I think you have to give up your right to sue, though.
Anyways, in my opinion we support these totally not capitalist entities with protection legislation and we don't really help smaller companies trying to innovate in actual competitive environments. It is perverse.
vrenak t1_j32acf3 wrote
Maybe smaller canadian communities should look into banding together to set up some form of service company, not to make a profit, just owned by hundreds of little towns and villages, pay into it by the head, own it by the head, and then just let them provide internet, tv, phone, banking services, etc. At just enough above cost to save up for future investments, and just price the competition out of the market they don't want to serve anyways. And locals can vote on how much they want to subsidise themselves to get better service.
NotBettyGrable t1_j32bbwe wrote
Well we have credit unions which fit the bill. I'm not sure why they aren't more popular. Advertising spaces in Canada, of all sorts, are just plastered with the big banks. Free iPad if you open an account type of things. I suspect it works, but am not sure.
jamar030303 t1_j32u3g3 wrote
The other thing the big banks have going for them is Visa/MasterCard on debit. Credit unions generally don't offer that; your debit card will typically be Interac only, which means it's only good for shopping at physical stores in Canada and the US.
NotBettyGrable t1_j32ykhv wrote
Is there a Reddit way of expressing "sad horn"?
[deleted] t1_j2zphve wrote
What? This isn’t true
I visited a remote village in the arctic circle in the Yukon and they had 4 businesses… two of them were banks
NotBettyGrable t1_j30qrsx wrote
[It had been happening continuously for years] (https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/nova-scotia/scotiabank-to-close-rural-branches-1.6315342).
No one said they were all gone. Just they continuously close rural branches. It's not hard to guess why, but it is dreadful for some.
[deleted] t1_j31zw72 wrote
You linked an article where one of the many banks in Canada closed 3 branches…
Oh the humanity
NotBettyGrable t1_j322x5y wrote
You mentioned one remote village.
Oh look the only bank on an island closing.
Do you work for a bank?
[deleted] t1_j3243re wrote
No I just don’t think it’s that big of a deal that one or two branches close in each province when you have 6 chartered banks and dozens of credit unions and nobody banks in person anyways
NotBettyGrable t1_j3269th wrote
All the seniors I know bank almost exclusively in person.
Also your "one or two branches" in each province assertion is demonstrably false. If you aren't from rural Canada you might not be aware that you don't have 6 different banks and a credit union in town. Many towns have one bank. Despite totally capturing the banking for that area, the customer loyalty is zero.
jamar030303 t1_j32v3j3 wrote
>and nobody banks in person anyways
Until ATMs start dispensing and accepting coins, I'll still have to.
[deleted] t1_j330rum wrote
Okay well not everyone goes to a laundromat
jamar030303 t1_j36s9ya wrote
And you said "nobody" in your earlier comment, which is pretty absolute. Also there are other places that deal in coins- arcades, for starters. Anywhere that deals in cash and doesn't price things in exact multiples of 5 dollars, for another.
KmartQuality t1_j2zvwb0 wrote
Heaven forbid a Dane actually interacts with a strange person.
Warpzit t1_j2y5uyx wrote
Because the real robbers is sitting inside the bank.
Remove_Live t1_j2yq4hp wrote
Indeed. Danske Bank is infamous for their 200 billion € money laundry scheme.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Danske_Bank_money_laundering_scandal
ordinary_kittens t1_j2yvln2 wrote
Sounds like something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
darkest_irish_lass t1_j2zeivc wrote
Wow. Is there a subreddit for that? Maybe r/unexpectedBard
mglitcher t1_j303pl8 wrote
well that’s what it is now
BGM1524 t1_j2z6bb5 wrote
Yeah corruption is running rampant in Denmark but no one cares because we're too wealthy for it to have a noticable effect.
PaddiM8 t1_j2z6wxq wrote
People from all countries say this about their countries. Still haven't seen evidence showing Denmark is bad with this compared to other countries. Meh.
SpaceShrimp t1_j2zdzks wrote
It is not bad compared to other countries, but laundering 200 billion € is still really bad.
Jazzy76dk t1_j2zcus0 wrote
Don’t believe this cringelord. Everything is fine in Denmark and we have one of the world’s lowest rates of corruption.
herroebauss t1_j2zdxcq wrote
But this is reddit and we believe everything is rotten, governments are all fucked and le capitalism
dontoofme t1_j2zekc3 wrote
That’s not true. We may have the lowest rate of corruption compared to other countries, but we still have a lot of corruption. Politicians have been caught with their tax frauds in more than one instance.
RIcaz t1_j2zq4qa wrote
> We may have the lowest rate of corruption
So.. It is true?
dontoofme t1_j30xwrp wrote
I meant it’s not true that everything is fine in Denmark. Sorry. I should had specified
Confused_AF_Help t1_j2zqdzc wrote
I'm pretty sure those 'clean' nations are just better at covering up their corruption. When you have a team of first class lawyers, accountants and advisors, it's easy to hide your tracks. Meanwhile poorer countries' corruption crimes are just sloppy or too brazen
dontoofme t1_j30xv9x wrote
True, and like the guy said, we are too wealthy to notice or care about it.
[deleted] t1_j2zfpq3 wrote
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Inprobamur t1_j2zgcm8 wrote
It was still the largest money laundering scheme in the world, the Baltic branch head committed suicide over it (or was murdered, who knows).
jamar030303 t1_j32sn0z wrote
>Everything is fine in Denmark
Unless you ask a Swede, then they start pointing out lots of things.
[deleted] t1_j322e21 wrote
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EmweDK t1_j322q36 wrote
It's a famous line from Shakespeare - and as others have said, Denmarks probably one of the least corrupted countries in the world - though .. probably still fairly corrupt
BGM1524 t1_j32bok4 wrote
Finally someone not completely ignorant. Most danes will go "There's no corruption in Denmark". Which is exactly the reason corruption runs to unhindered and unnoticed.
[deleted] t1_j3190i6 wrote
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manwhorunlikebear t1_j31wfi3 wrote
The robbers all applied for jobs in the banks. Working smart, not hard.
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anonk1k12s3 t1_j2yip31 wrote
Next news article will be, staff if Danish bank distraught after losing their jobs due to irrelevancy
Fredzzzz t1_j2yp1b6 wrote
We'll... In 2015 the biggest danish bank accepted forged documents and payed this guy (the owner Sanjay at 6:41) €1.7 billion back in dividend taxes. A couple of months ago a book came out that revealed how they have not changed the control procedures for this. It's nice that that the employees are not endangered, but I'm sure they (and by extension the taxpayers) are getting robbed plenty.
nullenatr t1_j2z2nia wrote
>A couple of months ago a book came out that revealed how they have not changed the control procedures for this.
That's not true. I have done something slightly related at work, which required me to contact the tax authorities to request something similar to what they did with the dividend taxes. The current wait time (12 months) has been postponed by 9 months twice because they're revising their systems and presumably doing everything manually now. When I obviously sounded dumbfounded on the phone, they explained it was because of that case.
parkin_lot_pimpin t1_j2zatvd wrote
Policies for the plebs. Youre not a billionaire lol
nullenatr t1_j319r35 wrote
No, that’s right, I’m not. But I did it for a multi-billion dollar insurance company.
Electronic_Permit300 t1_j2z9m4c wrote
In the Bronx I remember on the news they celebrated no murders for one whole day! But early the next day, the streak was broken.
RyuNoKami t1_j2zfdji wrote
Because it was a challenge and someone answered.
Electronic_Permit300 t1_j2zttjb wrote
They said no to gentrification.
KDamage t1_j2ydmp7 wrote
Suddenly Streisand effect
McDaddyos t1_j2ylugd wrote
Is that really a nottheonion title?
tastelessshark t1_j2zdi9o wrote
How common are bank robberies in general? It's such a stereotypical crime, but I don't often hear about actual modern bank robberies. I imagine the risk to reward is very low given how little cash banks typically have on hand.
plaid_piper34 t1_j2zorpp wrote
There are reports that adjusting for inflation, bank robbers make less from each robbery.
In the 1960’s in the US the average bank robbery got close to $38k, in 2019 dollars. Today, most bank robberies net around $4-$5k in 2019 dollars- or about two/four paychecks for most middle class jobs. Source: https://www.milwaukeeindependent.com/syndicated/crimes-no-longer-pay-trend-shows-bank-robberies-decline-shift-cashless-economy/
OwenProGolfer t1_j30w5zk wrote
Gotta rob a bank every other month just to make ends meet smh my head
EmilyU1F984 t1_j30tpd5 wrote
Yea exactly, bank robberies have massively dropped.
Don‘t think you’d even be able to walk out with 5 digit figures at a random German bank, unless you go for the major cash handling ones… which have the appropriate security anyway.
Also that cash is also not in the open. Deposits get dropped in a safe, the safe cannot just be accessed by the random clerks working.
So you either have to call in a withdrawal to make them have cash on hand, or rob them exactly when some business is depositing their weekly cash proceedings..
And that‘s in Germany, which is still massive on cash compared to virtually all our neighbours.
But really, bank robberies were hardly worth it when you could get away with 6 figures. They definetely aren’t worth it now.
You‘ll do better just robbing any random store used by the elderly and taking the 1k they‘ll have in their till in the late afternoon I reckon.
Plus much more crime is credit card/fraud based. Much lower risk, much lower punishments.
To just rob a random small town bank, you’d have to be extreeeeemely desperate and dumb.
Anonionion t1_j2zhsk8 wrote
Yeah, I'm surprised a small, rich, low crime country like Denmark has even had one in the last ten years.
ControlledSingular t1_j2zmtd9 wrote
I mean it is such an easy crime. Walk up to a teller,hand them a note: "all your cash, no trap bundles" get the money and walk away lol.
InjuredGingerAvenger t1_j2zy2lb wrote
Can you just request no trap bundles and expect it to work? What if I write "don't investigate this crime"? Where is the threshold?
Superomegla t1_j307w8i wrote
Shhhhhhhh the criminals could be listening
cgknight1 t1_j316sjf wrote
Well the problem is - In Denmark, you need to have walked into the small percentage of banks that actually still have cash in them…
Anonionion t1_j2znhp4 wrote
OK, I'll give it a try.
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Player_Piano_Studs t1_j2yuj2n wrote
A bank full of Danishes!
nmgonzo t1_j2zd7ov wrote
I want to rob it now
epil33 t1_j2y8sz5 wrote
Future is finally looking up eh?
Kind_Bullfrog_4073 t1_j2yg4xz wrote
Are they celebrating with danishes?
HoppityHooper t1_j2yvki6 wrote
They received a series of plaques to mark the occassion. And what did they do with them? Stick em' up!
ordinary_kittens t1_j2yvnvt wrote
For a minute I wondered if this was r/UpliftingNews
McAllisterFawkes t1_j2ze14g wrote
I knew there was something I forgot to do this year.
Viruzedd t1_j2xpezt wrote
In addition, the text could have said "one ship will dock in Denmark in 2022." How would they be able to raid the banks if there are no banks with deposits? Man cannot know what cannot be found.
Mrcoldghost t1_j2xuif1 wrote
Truly a landmark year!
lcl1qp1 t1_j2za391 wrote
It's a lot easier to have nice things when you don't have a raging gun epidemic.
CDalberg t1_j311wxm wrote
They don’t have cash in the Banks anymore. Denmark is almost totally cashless society.
jamar030303 t1_j32ry8q wrote
Almost. I was kind of caught by surprise one time when I bumped into a laundromat in suburban Copenhagen that was cash only.
[deleted] t1_j2xa7wc wrote
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Zachosrias t1_j2z6adv wrote
Which is why the robbers have also gone digital, take for example Britta Nielsen and Sanjay Shah
XxTheUnloadedRPGxX t1_j2zo8wo wrote
Hey Denmark, what's going on?
Mr_Potato__ t1_j32737a wrote
Not bank robberies apparently
Secret_Brush2556 t1_j2zzko2 wrote
Probably more money to be made by stealing catalytic converters than by robbing banks
norrinzelkarr t1_j3074rw wrote
no one's going viking these days
msmilah t1_j30lb7v wrote
Wait, it’s cause they went cashless… Why did they have so many robberies anyway? I thought their country was doing everything we’re doing wrong, right. Should we be having even more bank robberies then? This is getting confusing. No wonder we can’t fix America.
TiredFromTravel5280 t1_j31chwo wrote
I had no clue bank robberies are still such a big problem in the west. Or is it just a Danish thing?
Horace_The_Mute t1_j31eune wrote
Honestly, it’s surprising Denmark HAD bank robberies. Who robs banks anymore?
okiedog- t1_j31f9w9 wrote
They probably mean the first year without people robbing the banks.
Now let’s get a year without the banks robbing people.
THAT would be something to celebrate.
chuchofreeman t1_j31gd01 wrote
What's the penalty for bank robberies there? If all Danish prisons are how they're shown on the internet I guess it's a "good" deal to try to rob a bank there, isn't it?
Caraway417 t1_j31osip wrote
Guys, the thermal drill… go get it.
Vivid-Consequence-18 t1_j31yxvi wrote
Rubs hands like bird man…!!!
joj1205 t1_j2yxwd0 wrote
We really should be robbing the banks. They are the worst human invention since they added lead to gas
GetlostMaps t1_j2xjwn8 wrote
I thought bank robberies were finished. They basically don't happen here any more. Not for decades. What is different in their system?
Dark_Styx t1_j2xzeg5 wrote
Media barely reports on "small" bank robberies, because it's 1) not really interesting and 2) invites more bank robberies. Most bank robberies aren't armed and masked men breaking into the bank shooting wildly, it's someone telling the teller to give them money and the teller complies, because it's policy and they don't want to risk it coming to the first example with the guns and all.
port53 t1_j2ycx85 wrote
We had one like that here this past week. Guy walks in, hands a note that says give me money, they give him some money and he walks out. Cops picked him up later that day, nobody got hurt.
j4ckbauer t1_j2ycvbd wrote
Yes, and because this is the least-effective (amount stolen) and most-risky way to steal money from a bank, it doesn't severely impact the banks themselves.
I'm skeptical about your point #2 that the news media has a social conscience, but, maybe.... :)
Dark_Styx t1_j2ygzsz wrote
It isn't very risky as far as I'm aware, first time robbers generally aren't caught unless they try again. It also doesn't even impact the banks if a lot is stolen, because everything is insured anyway.
LittleKitty235 t1_j2z4h3l wrote
In the US anyway banks remain one of the riskiest places to rob. Not only are banks completely covered in cameras, but robbing them is a federal crime. A lot more resources will be diverted to finding you than a normal robbery that might only involve the local police.
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fefvrisketa t1_j2xtmmv wrote
https://www.fbi.gov/investigate/violent-crime/bank-robbery/bank-robbery-news Don't worry plenty of banks being robbed or at least attempts made
GetlostMaps t1_j30d25f wrote
No, that's Burgerstan. I'm talking about the Modern Developed World.
sometimes_interested t1_j2zh08i wrote
I'm not sure why you're getting downvoted so much. Maybe it depends on the country. In Australia, nearly all bank branches have the tellers behind either pop up metal screens or bulletproof glass, so it's basically impossible to rob them at gun point. If someone wants cash fast, they have to rob a bottle shop or petrol station to have a chance of getting a cash payout.
GetlostMaps t1_j30cyll wrote
This is my point. I didn't realise other countries still had bank robberies. I thought it was a TV trope.
fefvrisketa t1_j2xchbi wrote
So their guard is down