I like how the meal is the newsworthy event in this title

And that his breaking into the school during a massive blizzard is more newsworthy than the burglary he was caught committing.

Read the article. This needs to be a movie.

It already is. He's acting like any character in a post apocalyptic America where few people survived the thing.

Everyone let’s get your pitchforks and get him

The whole story is such dense, it couldn't be really fit into one short title. Therefore I have to appreciate the inclusion of the chicken tenders

The tender chicken man who ate Christmas didn't back his truck into a store in the movie though. He already had all the camping gear in his truck and ran away to the woods and made friends with a bear.

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Yeah he’s just looking for a Twinkie.

Dig up stanley kubrick to get the right level of crazy.

Too bad there's only snowballs.

Taquito? is that you?

Peter Griffin approves.

>The tender chicken man

I couldn't get past this

I bet he could find a Ding-Dong if he really wanted

”What about the Twinkie?”

You must. You have responsibilities and food to eat before it goes bad. Some day it won't even be a memory. Till then life goes on.

This should start “American with the audacity
to seek readily available shelter…”

I'm lost, if they could tow his car I'm guessing he was within range to call for help ? Or are some details left out

a kubrick - tarantino production starring Randy & Dennis Quaid

I'm thinking IQ had something to do with it ...

It reads like the plot to a Family Guy episode.