Submitted by Canis_Familiaris t3_znmpf0 in nottheonion
Comments
bilateralrope t1_j0k74xh wrote
But there is no question about how safe his situation is.
jackinsomniac t1_j0lv5ww wrote
Lol, reminds me of a courtroom transcript of a mortician:
Lawyer: "And you were the one who performed the autopsy?"
Mortician: "Correct."
Lawyer: "And you confirmed he was dead at the time of the procedure?"
Mortician: "Well he was certainly dead by the time I finished with him."
Khaldara t1_j0ilir9 wrote
Artisanal Jerky preparation
Llenette1 t1_j0j9t5s wrote
Salt throught heart! But who's to blame?
penelopiecruise t1_j0k49u9 wrote
Mr. PLOW?
Strik3rd t1_j0ikes2 wrote
Ahh so that’s where I left it.
My bad guys hisar pop it in some ice and I’ll come round and pick it up
bilateralrope t1_j0k78og wrote
>We are working very diligently to find or not find anything else at this location
Not the best way to phrase that.
CosineDanger t1_j0p4cmp wrote
Ever hate someone so much that you wanted to cut out their heart and preserve it in salt, but you didn't want to buy your own salt, so you used someone else's?
Salt has some occult symbolism. You may be looking for a witch.
You may also be looking for an incredibly stupid police officer who thinks he can tell the difference between a dried human heart, a dried pig heart, and a random lump of meat.
big_juice01 t1_j0u004d wrote
“Additional DNA testing will be performed to try to determine its origin.” … me thinking the origin is obv the human chest it came out of.
[deleted] t1_j0w83ge wrote
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Iersend t1_j0jrc92 wrote
HEY MARSHA WE FOUND IT!
TSAOutreachTeam t1_j0jdw6g wrote
“At this time we don’t feel that anybody’s safety is in question,” said Sheriff Davis.
"the guy whose heart this is, probably isn't in great condition."