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Syssareth t1_ivtgxct wrote

Thought she was caught pounding the meat, turns out she pounded someone with the meat.

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SanctimoniousApe t1_ivtoct8 wrote

That just paints a whole other picture in my head (hint: maybe she's trans)...

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Syssareth t1_ivtpglj wrote

Haha, the image in my head was of her literally hitting the meat like a punching bag (for reasons unknown), but I couldn't resist.

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P7BinSD t1_ivth0q6 wrote

Is there an award for incoherent titles?

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Syssareth t1_ivtj9j0 wrote

"Cops to" means "admits". It's coherent if you know what it means, but it's still awkward in a headline because it's slang.

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P7BinSD t1_ivtjeqj wrote

No one talks like that.

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Thisisnowmyname t1_ivtjqwv wrote

Just because you've never heard it doesn't mean people don't use it lol

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SanctimoniousApe t1_ivtnbi4 wrote

Because you're the authority on English-speakers the world over. 🙄

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P7BinSD t1_ivtnfro wrote

Name checks out.

−5

SanctimoniousApe t1_ivtnvnf wrote

Yep, never heard that one before. Now go read my profile to see what it's about. Maybe you'll learn something about yourself (admittedly unlikely).

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AdoggeWokePupper t1_ivzvpsf wrote

It’s similar to using “seldom” instead of “rarely”.

“I seldom use the word “seldom” to refer to doing things rarely.”

If you ask me, I think it sounds terribly lousy.

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atticdoor t1_iwhwfir wrote

Plus, in that particular sentence it ends up leading you down the garden path. You see "Woman cops to..." and you think it's about to be something that female police officers are about to do. "Woman cops to strike in Philadelphia after unequal pay dispute." The admits to meaning is used much less than the police officer meaning.

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weirdgroovynerd t1_ivtom79 wrote

The title was awesome.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that the story is even better.

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Ok-Row-6131 t1_ivxw4et wrote

Reading the title: "what the fuck"

Reading the article: "WHAT THE FUCK"

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ash_274 t1_ivvglqy wrote

You could rearrange the words, like magnetic poetry, and create so many other interesting titles

1

Gdjica t1_ivubale wrote

It was very hard figuring out what was a noun and what a verb in this title.

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RadicalPenguin t1_ivtkuap wrote

You could actually kill someone by striking them in the head with a frozen meat log.

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Guapo_Pollo t1_ivufd3o wrote

"Frozen Meat Log" sounds like a great band name.

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weirdgroovynerd t1_ivtoygv wrote

TLDR:

Final sentence in the story:

Jackson was not injured by the meat blows.

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SearchforHitchslaps t1_ivu3ry7 wrote

I had to read it, so I've reddit: "Jackson, who had lived downstairs from Garner in a University Heights duplex, had previously secured a protection order against her ex-neighbor.

Cops say that when Garner (seen at right) confronted Jackson in the Walmart potato chip aisle, she threatened to beat up Jackson and her daughter. Garner then allegedly pulled down Jackson's face mask and attempted to spit on her.

When the spit missed the target, Garner reached into Jackson’s cart and removed the $22 meat log. Cops described the tube of ground beef as a “blunt object” in an arrest report (a Walmart meat log is seen in the above police photo).

Garner, investigators charged, struck Jackson “a couple of times in the face with a ten pound log of prepackaged ground beef.” Garner was arrested at the scene and a relative subsequently took custody of her son.

Jackson was not injured by the meat blows."

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tennker t1_ivtpssr wrote

What a POS. I feel bad for the two kids that were there.

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cthulu0 t1_ivvxnmm wrote

r/titlegore

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DementedMK t1_iwf57q6 wrote

The victim’s name is literally Percy Jackson. Kind of cool?

I don’t fucking know, there’s no takeaways here.

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