Submitted by TricksterWolf t3_yk98xf in nottheonion
Comments
yax51 t1_ius3ypy wrote
Cat: knows who the perpetrator is Also cat: Not going to tell because cats are assholes.
HailTheCatOverlords t1_iuucuf5 wrote
Cats wouldnt talk to the cops even if they could simply because snitching goes against the cat code.
sanjsrik t1_ius09l8 wrote
Problem is, they're a bunch of assholes and won't.
DrewidN t1_iurzclt wrote
But they won't, because they can't be arsed.
NoWayNotThisAgain t1_iutncd1 wrote
Sure… they can… but do they want to?
TricksterWolf OP t1_iuu5qzc wrote
Follow-up article: "Apparently Cats Always Could Have Helped but Chose to Watch in Knowing Silence"
Venkman_P t1_iuuzixb wrote
cat: The can opener murder weapon is in that drawer.
Cocoyabee t1_ius5i2j wrote
Snowball would like a word https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Shirley_Duguay
Deathisnear24 t1_iuu1xxq wrote
I'm really confused about this story. It says they used compared the DNA of the fur on the jacket and it matched the cat the two had. How does that prove that Beamish killed her? I'd always have 1 or 2 cat hairs on my clothes when I had them.
edit: NVM, saw they were estranged, so presumably not living together, which would mean he transfered the cat fur to her clothes when he murdered her.
probably_just_a_bot t1_ius5ox6 wrote
Cats are snitches
No_Carpet7125 t1_iusgxx1 wrote
Cats give stitches tho
HailTheCatOverlords t1_iuud4q9 wrote
No cat has ever snitched. Not even that Tony The Tiger fool. All he ever tells the cops is that his flakes "They're great".
HailTheCatOverlords t1_iuucfks wrote
LilG1984 t1_iuw0mva wrote
So Turner & Hooch but with a cat instead ?
TricksterWolf OP t1_iv4dzsq wrote
when Tom Hanks recently said he's only made about four good movies I'm sure that one made the cut
mlyster67 t1_ius3f0p wrote
[deleted] t1_ius7itu wrote
[removed]
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AttractivestDuckwing t1_iusy5jf wrote
This has to be one of the worst, overinflated articles I've ever read.
TricksterWolf OP t1_iuu55m3 wrote
Wait, you read the articles here?
AttractivestDuckwing t1_iuvsaof wrote
Every once in a while I make a valiant attempt. At least it tried to relate real world information and wasn't an editorial.
TricksterWolf OP t1_iurx87k wrote
Before you think, "aww, that's cute", it's because they're hiding criminal evidence in their fur.
I think we all knew this would be the case.