Submitted by Superbuddhapunk t3_y5naok in nottheonion
Superbuddhapunk OP t1_isnenas wrote
Lettuce-cast updates:
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(day 2) Saturday night the lettuce had dance music and a disco ball with strobe lights
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(day 3) Sunday morning it had a cup of coffee, around noon a mug of tea. The lettuce had cheese biscuits, cheddar and pork scratchings for dinner, and settled for the night with an eye mask, paracetamol and a tape of whale song. Late at night Lettuce acquired a teddy bear, a little blanket and put on a lofi groove soundtrack.
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(day 4) Monday morning the lettuce started the day with a bottle of IRN-BRU soft drink and a box of Pro-Plus caffeine/vitamins capsules. For lunch the lettuce had a mug of tea, pork scratchings, a block of cheddar and cheese crackers. Monday mid afternoon Letty the lettuce has lost the tea but gained a monopoly banknote, a pair of sunglasses and inexplicably a pair of feet. The frame with a portrait of Liz Truss is now facing the wall. Also during the day the channel showed several important political events, the policy speech of the new chancellor and part of the House of Commons proceedings. 5pm, Lettuce is under a desk along with the portrait of Liz Truss. 7:30 the Lettuce is enjoying a gin and tonic, still under the desk. 8:40 Letty switched from G&T to peppermint tea.
a4techkeyboard t1_isnggf8 wrote
The Lettuce sounds like a better public speaker. I've been to a Korean BBQ and I know Lettuce knows how to deliver pork and cheese better than Liz Truss can.
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