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“Are you going to attend the funeral, Kate?”

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I would hear this question asked a lot, but answering honestly every time made me too sad so I rarely did. My coworker and best friend Evelyn killed herself and nobody saw it coming. She was bubbly and ditzy, running around doing everything and anything she wanted with the warmest smile you’ve ever seen. Being the only other girl who worked with her we became quick friends and I used to think I knew her pretty well. I guess not.

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I wasn’t going to attend her funeral, I felt too betrayed and heartbroken to take it. She was so sweet and seemed so happy all the time. The days leading up to her death she began looking tired and would jump at every little noise, I tried asking her what was going on but she always dismissed my worries with that glowing smile of hers. She didn’t deserve this. I didn’t deserve this.

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The night after her death I had a horrible nightmare. I was inside my room, looking down on myself sleeping. The air smelled horrible, so bad it made my eyes water. I couldn’t move or scream, it felt like I was paralyzed in empty space. I choked on every breath and before I woke up, I saw a glimpse of some figure in my bedroom corner. I only saw its feet at first, pure white bony feet with sharp claws digging into my carpet. Then, in my last moment in the dream, I saw its eyes glowing through the shade. It was looking right at me, the real me in the bed.

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I jolted awake in a cold sweat. In a panic I threw my covers up to my neck and stared at the corner where the figure was, but there was nothing, just an empty shadow casted by moonlight. I rolled over, threw the blanket over my head and tried to calm myself down. I pulled out my phone and looked at the time. It was 3:50am. I didn’t sleep a wink the whole rest of the night. I tried so hard, tossing and turning every few minutes, the night dragged on forever and nothing I tried worked. I stayed up until sunrise.

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I was so groggy. Half awake but unable to sleep. I know that I should have stayed home but I went into work like everything was normal, it was all I could think of to do with myself. I just felt like I had to get away from being home alone with my thoughts, but looking back on it now I wish I didn’t. I spent most of the day trying to keep myself together between crying sessions in the bathroom. Evelyn’s funeral was scheduled for next week and all anyone talked about was what I was doing and how I was feeling. I couldn’t stand it, so I went home.

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I walked home from work. I live decently close to my job but it’s still a long walk so I usually car pool with some coworkers, obviously they were working so I was left walking. On my way back I smelled that horrid stench again. I quickly covered my mouth and nose and looked around. Where was that disgusting smell coming from? Just then a shape jumped behind a tree near the road, I stopped in my tracks and kept my eyes trained in its direction. Glowing eyes stared back at me from the shade of the tree. A fleshless leg, made purely of twisted bone peaked around the base of the tree, along with a bone arm wrapped around the trunk. A waft of hot air and pure stench blasted into me as I made eye contact. I heard a screaming voice rip into my head, straight into my mind.

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“RUN TO DIE, FLEE TO FALL, YOU CAN NOT RUN, YOU CAN NOT HIDE!” It said

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I fell backwards, the screaming in my head just kept repeating over and over, so loud I couldn’t even hear my own screams, I balled up onto the sidewalk and hid in my hands, I couldn’t get away. That’s when someone grabbed my arm and spun me around. I swung around panicked arms to flail helplessly at whoever grabbed me until I realized it was my boss. He found my phone at my locker, ran after me to give it back and just found me rolling on the sidewalk. I cried in his arms, the screams had stopped but the feelings in my head were still there.

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I stuttered over the words I tried to get out as an explanation for why I was crying on the sidewalk in the fetal position. I couldn’t even believe my own story so how was he supposed to? Panic attack is all I managed to say to him at first, and given his reaction I'm assuming that would have been the explanation he would have come up with himself if I hadn't said anything. He walked me the rest of the way home, the whole time I insisted I was ok and I’ll be fine. He told me that I should take the next few days off to collect myself and instead of telling him I was fine for the 10th time, I thanked him as he left. I even started to believe my own story. The last time I saw that bony monster was in a nightmare so I guess it made sense. It just felt so real it tortured me the rest of the day.

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When night fell I crawled into bed, I was definitely looking forward to a long nights rest. I left every light on in the house and closed my bedroom door. That bony nightmare was ingrained in my head so this was the only way I could feel safe. I spent hours awake in that bed, I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open but I just wouldn’t sleep. I spent the whole night just begging to be unconscious for at least five minutes, I’d do anything, but it never came. After what felt like an eternity the sun rose and I gave up.

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I could hardly move I was so tired. I spent the last night and a half without so much as a wink of sleep. Everything ached, my eyes and head hurt, I barely even had enough energy to get dressed. I just slumped onto the floor in the kitchen with a bowl of cereal. I ate a few spoonful's and flipped through my phone. I read a few texts asking if I was doing alright but I didn’t respond, I didn’t have the energy to. I saw a few posts about Evelyn’s funeral and what to wear/bring. Everything on that damn phone was depressing.

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Then I noticed my cereal started to taste really bad, like rancid. I spit out whatever was left in my mouth I looked down into the bowl but everything looked fine. The problem wasn’t the cereal, it was the air. The whole room reeked of that horrible rotten smell. I jumped up on my feet, I could feel panic run down my spine and sweat drip from my forehead. I didn’t move a single muscle, my heart raced in my chest. I felt a hot breath leave sticky droplets of humidity on the back of my neck. It was here.

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It wasn’t a panic attack, it was real, the voice in my head was actually real. I turned around slowly, barely keeping myself from vomiting both out of fear and the smell. When I fully turned around I came face to face with those glowing eyes from before. A massive skeletal creature stood in my kitchen, so tall it ducked under the ceiling. Twisted bones, jagged and sharp, stuck out everywhere like bent nails from its limbs and chest. Its head was made of a massive jaw bone with a jagged jigsaw of bone matter all around, its eyes were placed inside the pit of its throat. It let out an indescribably horrible stench from its mouth and I heard a scream in my head.

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“RUN TO DIE, FLEE TO FALL, YOU CAN NOT RUN, YOU CAN NOT HIDE!” It said again

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I passed out, be it from the stench or the fear, I just couldn’t take it. It was too much. Then I was outside of my body again. I looked down from the ceiling at me on the floor. The creature was still there, reaching out its hand, getting closer and closer to my unconscious body. I tried to scream and thrash with all my might but I was frozen. All I could do is watch as I get eaten or worse. The monsters hand touches my head and a stream of light comes out of me. The creature pulls on this light like a string and shoves it into his mouth. It just keeps pulling and pulling, grabbing fist fulls of this stream of light and devouring it.

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The next thing I remember is waking up on the floor of my kitchen, covered in cereal. My head throbbed like someone was drilling my skull from the inside. I didn’t have the energy to move even my fingers, I just lied there unsure if I want to even keep living. I was at my limit, I’d hoped I would just die here on the kitchen floor so I wouldn’t have to get up. At least that way, I would be able to sleep, even if it was forever.

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Somehow I pooled every last ounce of my strength to get up off the floor. I waddled over to the drawer in my kitchen with my knives in it. I pulled out the biggest kitchen knife I owned and then fell back to the floor. I sat up against a cabinet and placed the knife to my own wrist. This would be the end of this nightmare, I would bleed out here and die, I could finally get some rest. I pressed down, my hand wouldn’t stop shaking. I started crying and whimpering, trying to force my brain to just jab town into my wrist and this could all be over but I just couldn’t do it.

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Tears streamed down my cheeks, I pulled the knife up and away from me revealing that I did manage to cut myself a tiny bit, small drops of blood ran down the side of my wrist and fell to the floor. I raised the knife up, this time I wouldn’t give myself time to get psyched out. I clenched my teeth and brought the knife down hard towards my wrist, but suddenly I stopped, the knife only inches from my wrist. In that moment I thought of Evelyn. The realization hit me like a wave of calm. She was the nicest person who I’ve ever met, like a sister to me. She came to me with all her problems, whether it was her shitty dad or some boy she liked, she always came to me. That was, unless she didn’t think I’d believe her.

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This fucking bone monster killed her, the same way it almost killed me. It sucked every ounce of my joy and comfort, driving every last fiber of my being into suicide in a way that made me feel like no one could help. A rage pushed out all other feelings in my head. How fucking dare that thing torture my friend. I gripped the knife so hard my knuckles went white. I stood up, the fire of rage gifting me new found strength. I made my way back into my bedroom. Even though every joint in my body ached and my head split from the pain, in that moment nothing could stop me. I sat cross legged on my bed, knife in hand. All that was left to do was wait.

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I sat there for hours, shifting and leaning on blankets and pillows trying to find at least one position that alleviated the pain even for a second but never letting go of the knife. The day dragged on, I practically watched sun beams crawl across my floor, but it didn’t matter. The fire was still lit in me. I would end this nightmare or die trying.

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Night came, and just like before no matter how tired I got I wouldn’t sleep for a second, not even by accident. It was like I was being forced awake by something. My body desperately tries to fall asleep but it’s just not able to. I’m forced to watch the hours tick by on an endless cycle of crying and screaming at the monster to come out. I rested my head for a second on my pillow, I thought about what would happen if it never came back, if it hid in the shadows forever and starved me of sleep till I died. I was so weak now there’s no way I could search for it, I would just suffer to death. I pulled out my phone and looked at the time for the thousandth time. It was 3:50am

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The floor creaked a bit, I quickly turned my head. I sat up and scanned the room, nothing was out of place. I breathed deep in through my nose to try and catch its scent. A wave of heat rushed down from the ceiling and with it came that familiar stench. I propped myself up unto my knees, my hands shook so bad I could hardly feel them. My bedroom door creaked open slowly, bony fingers creeped around the edge of the door on all sides, scratching at the wood. The door opens fully, those glowing eyes stare at me out of a looming dark shape from the center of my doorway. It steps into my room with a thump, the floorboards sound like they might break. I started hyperventilating, my hand drenched with sweat as I gripped the knife. It steps into the room and with it an air of dread stagnates every inch of space. The screams force their way into my head once again.

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“RUN TO DIE, FLEE TO FALL, YOU CAN NOT RUN, YOU CAN NOT HIDE!” It said for the final time.

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Don’t worry you fucking freak, I’m definitely not running. I stood up on my bed, red hot blood was running through my veins. All of my sadness, all of my pain, all of my grief, all of it just erupted out of me. I screamed like a mad woman and leapt off the bed wielding the knife while stabbing wildly. To my surprise the creature actually backed off, it stumbled backwards out into the hall. I bring down the knife hard on its bony arm and my knife shatters into pieces.

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I didn’t even care. I tossed the knife and just started throwing my arms at it. It let out an ear piercing wale as every single blow from my fists blasted bone matter into dust. I wasn’t even hitting it that hard, it just fell apart with my touch. The screams that once entered my head by force were now complete gibberish and desperate to find a way out of my skull. One of my blows knocked the creature to the floor and I jumped on top. I launched my fist as hard as I could directly into those fucking eyes that tormented me, that tormented Evelyn to death. It's eyes went dark, the screaming both inside my head and out had stopped. I just kept wailing on its shattering pieces, screaming and crying the whole time. Eventually nothing was left but dust and I just sat there balling in a pile of rubble until I passed out.

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I woke up 16 hours later. I finally slept and I had a lot to recover from so it took longer than the usual nights rest. The floor still had bits of bone dust all over it. I was covered head to toe in ash and dried cereal. I just started laughing, I couldn’t believe it, I just couldn’t. I survived, more than that I won! I just didn’t think for even a second that my attack strategy would work. I got up off the floor and made my way to the bathroom. I dumped my clothes onto the bathroom tile and just sat on the shower floor while hot water poured over me. The water stung on my wrist, I lifted it up and looked at the small cut I’d made there. I welled up a little bit as I looked at the red line of dried blood along my wrist. I’m so glad I didn’t do it. Thank you Evelyn.

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I realized now as I write this what must have happened to me on that day in the kitchen. That bony fuck must have eaten all of the light that was left in me while I lied on that kitchen floor. Every good memory or feeling of comfort I had left was pulled out until I was nothing but an empty shell of pain and suicidal thoughts. The only reason I was able to hold onto the thought of Evelyn is because her memory was tainted by the sadness of her death. I feel a pain in my chest, deep inside me that I don’t want to admit is me being glad the monster didn’t come for me first. I’ll carry that pain with me for the rest of my life. The thought of Evelyn in that bath, emptied of everything but pain, is a permanent scar in my head.

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Later that week I did decide to attend her funeral. She was my friend, her image came to me in my lowest moment and felt like I needed to see her one last time, even if it hurt. I was surrounded by her family particularly her mother. We talked about Evelyn and her antics. I told her some stories about us at work and the stuff we did. She started crying, Evelyn’s father came over to comfort her. I met Evelyn’s older brother too. He didn’t want to show it but I could tell he was holding back tears as best he could. It was from him that I found out that Evelyn died from slashing her own wrists in the bath. Hearing that made it even harder to keep myself together. I made my way over to her casket, and put my hand on the top of it. A tiny drop of blood trickled down my injured wrist and landed in a tiny pool on the lid. The darkness came for me and instead of letting it consume me I fought back. It was because of you Evelyn that I won. I let myself cry one last time, right after saying my final goodbye.

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“Don’t worry Evelyn, I got him”