Submitted by girl_from_the_crypt t3_10jbwml in nosleep
I feel everything.
That's not only how it is right now, but also how I answered Nick's question. I'm obviously writing this from home; I just figured I should mention that this time. So, some time has passed since this happened. I'm kind of beaten right now, but I'm enjoying the luxury of taking a breather. Casimir is currently acting as a sort of pillow for me. I'm not usually this clingy but I need the support right now. That out of the way, let me try and tell you what happened down in hell. I hope I can make this at least somewhat comprehensible, because to be honest, I'm all over the place.
Nick took it upon himself to accompany me to the prisons. Walking beside him made me feel sick. Actually, just looking at him made me feel sick. I knew arguing with him wouldn't help the matter, so I kept my mouth shut, really boiling the blood beneath my skin.
"Aw, don't scrunch up that pretty little face," the Beast commented snidely. "You'll have your miller back in a few days. Just be a good girl and do my bidding."
"You're not even gonna tell me where he is? Or what you want from me?"
"That's a no to both those questions," he replied. "But don't worry about Hettmann. Do you really think I'd dispose of my favorite servant because of a small spat? And you'll find out what I need you to do soon enough."
"If you're going to forgive him anyways, why the fuck would you hurt him?" I hissed.
The Devil smiled thinly. "My wrath is as fleeting as all my emotions. The trick is to really lean into them. I do so without reservation, just as everyone should. Jacek knows this. All my acolytes do. They're used to it, and they accept it willingly."
I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself, but it was futile. My mind was racing. I hadn't felt this confused and shaken in ages. Getting my soul back was what I'd always wanted, but I hadn't thought it would be so painful. Jacek having been torn from my arms had left me in utter turmoil, more so than I could have ever imagined. I tried to block everything out, tried to shut the sense of loss off behind that same milky pane of glass I had gotten used to ever since the rabbit had run off on me, but it was like the partition was unreachable. I was whole again, for better or for worse.
"Where are we going? Doesn't every hellsphere have a prison?"
"Sure. But I don't want to give you just any prisoner."
The meaning behind those words instantly began to dawn on me. My heart, still pounding like a sledgehammer, dropped into my stomach. "No," I said softly. "Please, you're not seriously thinking of…"
"Let an old man have his fun, Fiona. No backtalk."
All I could do was follow at his heel, feeling rather like a small dog. Out on the street, we didn't have to push and shove—everyone we came across instantly jumped aside, making way for Nick to stride through. I stumbled after him in the wake, struggling to keep up. We changed spheres via the elevator. This time, the security spider scuttled all the way into the corner, not saying a word the whole ride. When the ding announced our arrival, we stepped out into faintly familiar, green-tinged surroundings.
"Welcome to Envy," Nick proclaimed dryly, spreading his arms in a mock gesture of hospitality. "Home to… well, just another kind of scum."
"My brother's an inmate here? Why?"
"He'd be better fitted to answer that," the Devil replied, taking up his powerwalk once again. He led me all the way into the center of the sphere, where an absolutely enormous building loomed overhead. A giant slab of concrete, bigger than anything I'd ever seen before, frightening in its sheer size alone. Here, the crowds seemed to grow especially thick. I noticed a bunch of people standing at the sides of the entrance. The prison was heavily guarded, from the looks of it. Of course, none of them did anything to stop us.
The inside of the prison was much like what I'd expected. I've never been to a human prison, but you know what they show you on tv and in the movies. This one looked rather similar to that kind of thing, at least on first glance, except that it was obvious that nobody ever cleaned. The smell of vomit, blood and feces hung thickly in the air, and it took a lot of willpower not to gag. The corridor I soon found myself standing in was incredibly long, thousands of tiny barred cells lined up on either side, the inmates within them all in a row as if on display. Some cells were slightly bigger than others, but quite a few offered barely enough room for a person to stand in. I tried not to meet the eyes of any of the people we passed by, not the prisoners' and not the wardens', either. The one thing I couldn't ignore was the noise, though.
Screams and wails filled the hallway, some loud and furious, the sounds of raving lunacy; others low, cracked and broken. Moans of pain, sobs and weeping. Pointless cries for help praying for mercy. I didn't want to imagine what the wardens spent their time doing in this hole. I was certain that a normal prison on the surface was probably like a daycare center compared to this. The Devil stopped one of the passing wardens—a curvy lady with green skin and a resting bitch face, dressed in red latex like a nightmare dominatrix—and demanded to be taken to inmate 10789, or some other such large number. She agreed demurely, taking us up several floors before stopping by a cell that looked vaguely familiar from the video I'd seen. I took a deep, steadying breath, trying to assume some semblance of composure. Nothing could have prepared me for the encounter that was about to happen, though.
Jeremy Novak was lying butt-naked asleep on the hard floor of his dirty, reeking chamber. His hair was matted and greasy, like he hadn't washed it in a year, and stubble lined his jaw. That was really saying something, considering neither of my brothers ever managed to grow anything more than peachfuzz in terms of facial hair. He stank of sweat, urine and pus; he looked severely malnourished and just overall three minutes away from death. I couldn't imagine how long he'd spent in this state. He was covered in blood, wounds in various states of healing littered his body. The streaks on his back made it seem like he'd been whipped while the marks on his thighs and arms spoke of burnings and electric shocks. The sight was very nearly too much to handle.
Nick entered the cell without hesitation. When I didn't follow right away, he grabbed me by the arm and flung me inside with such force that a sharp yell escaped my throat. This caused my brother to stir. He kicked his legs a little, groaning and letting out a whine that nearly broke my heart. Nick growled. "Get up, you piece of shit!" he barked, lifting his foot and stomping down on Jeremy's unmoving wrist. I gasped and Jem shot up, his eyes flying open.
"This is your big day, Novak," the Devil hissed, delight lacing his voice like poison. "Today's the day you're getting out of here."
"What are you on about?" Jem asked in a gravelly, broken voice.
"You've got a visitor."
Jeremy lifted his head, milky, dull eyes fixing me in silence. I couldn't speak, feeling a pang of empathy that nearly caused my stomach to turn. Somehow, I couldn't reconcile the idea of this man being a cold-blooded killer and the sight of my little brother in my head. I held his gaze, trying to fight the cold rigidity that had taken a hold of me. Then, to my utter horror, a grin unfurled on his lips. "Look at that. The prom queen," he spat, upper lip lifted in a sneer. "What the fuck are you doing in here?"
I swallowed thickly. "I'm going to take you with me. I'll take you home, where I'll perform a dangerous ritual with you as a conduit, which you will not survive."
"What?"
Nick sighed. "Miss Fiona needs a casket for a spirit she's trying to get rid of. For the time you're up top, I will supply you with a corporeal form like you have it down here. You'll be able to move, feel, eat and drink. Think of how nice a break that'll be for you. Now, after she's killed you, your soul is gonna be taken back to me, and we'll stick you back in here where you belong. Sound good? Good."
"The fuck?"
"Hey, bastard, nobody asked for your opinion. Follow your sister's orders and don't even think about running off, because I swear to you, I'll send Hettmann after you again," Nick hissed.
I flinched at the mention of Jacek's name, and to my surprise, so did Jem.
"Alright! Christ!" my brother cried out, pushing himself off the ground with a pained moan. His bones cracked and he winced as he shifted his weight onto his feet. He squinted at me with hateful eyes. "Remember your little fuckboy, sis? You know, short goth guy, mean eyes, really deep, creepy voice? Imagine my surprise when he came to collect me. Damn small world, isn't it?"
"Yep."
"Well." Jem shuddered, giving a nervous grin. "I'm not keen on seeing that shitstain again, let me tell you. Brutal little motherfucker; dunno what he’s compensating for.”
“Will you shut up?” Nick groaned. “You’re giving me a headache. You only have one job, do it, come back, and do not get up to anything stupid.”
“Copy that,” Jem muttered.
Nick grabbed both of us by the wrist, and before I could even process what was happening, we weren’t in the prison anymore. In fact, we had left hell altogether and were now standing in the middle of my living room, right in front of Casimir, who was typing away on his laptop. Our sudden appearance caused him to scream, scrambling out of his seat and ripping off his headset. “What the fuck?” he cried out, wild eyes darting between myself, our brother and the Devil.
It was weird seeing Cas again. I suddenly felt extremely warm and fuzzy inside, despite the obvious horror in his stare. I threw my arms around his neck almost as if on instinct, and he immediately reciprocated. It felt like a blanket being pulled around me. Little brother. I had held him before, but it had never made me feel this safe and comforted. This was pretty great.
“Whoa,” he mumbled, pulling me closer. “Fi, what–what am I looking at, help me out here. Is that…?”
“Hey, Cas,” Jem drawled, dropping down on the sofa.
Casimir reluctantly let go of me, throwing our sibling a brief glance before going back to gawking at the Devil. Nick smirked back shamelessly. “You, Casimir Novak, are even more attractive in person,” he said, voice husky and vaguely threatening.
Cas’ brows furrowed. “Do we know each other?”
“I know you. But don’t worry about that now. Keep enjoying life, Casimir. I’ll see you.”
And in the blink of an eye, Nick had disappeared into thin air.
“Was that the Devil?” my little brother inquired.
“Yeah,” I replied breathlessly.
“Jesus, what a creep.”
“Look, I’ll tell you what happened later. Jeremy… The Devil had me take him for our ritual. We should get that over with.”
I heard Jem snort from behind me. Cas merely stared at me blankly. “You’re saying we’re gonna kill Jem?”
“I’m already dead, Cas,” Jeremy answered in my stead. “Don’t mean a thing at this point.”
There was it again, that powerful wave of sadness. I still couldn't believe this. This was Jeremy. My baby brother Jeremy, the same Jeremy I'd grown up with, the same Jeremy I'd played hide-and-seek in the barn with, the same Jeremy who I'd always done my homework with after school. Casimir appeared to be similarly affected. He looked on in confusion, his eyes wide and glossy.
“I can’t–Fiona, we…” he stammered, his gaze helplessly flitting between us.
I sighed deeply. This was exactly what I’d been dreading. I didn’t want to have to go into this, I didn’t want to think about what we were about to do. I couldn’t leave Casimir hanging like that either, though. I ended up sitting down with him and explaining everything, somehow managing to coherently stammer together what had happened to Jacek and what Nick had revealed to me before taking me to the prison.
“So you got your soul back? I’m so happy for—” Cas’ voice trailed off when he saw the look in my eyes. “Fuck.”
“I need to do this, and fast. I need to get everything sorted, I can’t… If I don’t see him again, if I don’t see Jacek again, I think I’m gonna die or something…” I confessed in a shaky voice, clenching my hands into fists to keep my fingers from trembling.
“Okay,” Cas said simply. “Okay, we can… we can do this. Don’t worry. Everything’s gonna be okay.”
“You just said okay thrice and I still don’t believe you.”
“No, no, it will be, trust me. So… Jem. What do we do with Jem?”
“Yeah, what do we do with Jem?” Jeremy echoed.
“I haven’t seen you in so long,” Cas remarked, still in utter disbelief. “What the hell did you do?”
“The princess told you already.” Jem gestured at me, lifting a haughty brow. “No need to get into the nitty gritty of things.”
“Oh, you think?” Casimir shot back, shaking his head. “No, no, no, you’re gonna tell me what the fuck you did.”
“Why?”
“You’ve been gone for years. You ran out on me, on all of us, you just vanished; and now, you’re apparently dead and also a serial killer?” Cas let out a soft gasp of incredulity, still shaking his head frantically. “Are you seriously blaming me for wanting to know what in God’s name happened to my brother?”
Jem shrugged. “Well, I offed a bunch of sluts, and that’s that. Nothing more to it, to be honest.”
It was hard to keep my composure at his words. Looking at him, I didn’t even feel like I was facing my younger brother, but a complete stranger. Jem regarded me with a strangely detached expression, like he didn’t care about seeing us at all. Like he didn’t care about anything. I suppose it made sense; he’d spent the last couple years incarcerated in the hellsphere of Envy, being consistently tortured. I doubt anyone would be able to muster up a lot of emotion after something like that. But he was still the same man who, while alive, had apparently committed a series of murders. I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to know what exactly had happened.
“I know you want to ask, and you should know that I don’t want to answer,” Jem stated. “If you want a story about me, ask that prick Hettmann.”
“Don’t talk about Jacek like that.”
“Oh, come off it, you spoiled brat. Do what you gotta do and don’t waste my time.”
“You have an eternity of torture waiting for you!” I argued in bewilderment.
“I’d prefer the cell to having to look at you all day,” he growled.
“How the fuck can you even say that? What’s wrong with you?”
“Stop it, Fiona. Just stop. I won’t talk to you. I’d rather eat my own shit than talk to you.”
I took several deep, steadying breaths. “Fine. So I guess there’s nothing left to say. Cas, where’s Aleksei?”
“He stepped outside there for a moment, I’ll go get him,” Casimir offered, quick to stand up and make his way over to the door. When he passed me, I noticed that his fists were clenched to the point of his knuckles turning white.
I swallowed thickly as I turned to avoid my other brother’s gaze. “I should get you something to cover up,” I remarked, moving to get up myself.
“You do that,” Jem called after me as I went upstairs.
I couldn’t stand staying with him for another second.
I spontaneously decided to rifle through Casimir’s belongings for some clothes, making a mental note to ask forgiveness later. I found some sweatpants and a t-shirt, and just as I turned around, my breath caught in my throat. Jeremy was standing in the doorway, directly blocking my path. His lips were curled into a gentle, reassuring smile, which would have been a nice enough sight if it were to have reached his eyes. He lifted his head, tilting it to one side, then the other, considering me.
“Hey again.”
“Get out of the way,” I immediately said, puffing my chest out and fixing my eyes on his. I couldn’t let him see how much he was scaring me just by standing nearby.
“In a minute. Fiona, I changed my mind. I do wanna share what I did after all.”
I didn’t like his tone. My eyes flitted to his hand and I stifled a shocked yell when I spotted the knife he was holding. He must have gotten it from the kitchen. I instantly realized I’d made a big mistake; I should have never let him out of my sight. Fuck.
“I wanna show you,” Jeremy said, almost sweetly, as he proceeded into the room.
“Jeremy, drop that,” I warned him. “Don’t do anything stupid.”
“What, you think I care? They’re gonna torture me down there anyways, might as well have some fun up here. Make it worth it,” he explained with a carefree shrug.
I backed off, nearly tripping over my own feet. “Cas is gonna be back in a moment. He won’t be alone.”
“That’s fine. A moment’s all I need, really.” Another step towards me.
My back was pressed up against the wall by now.
“God, I actually dreamed of this, you know,” he whispered almost reverently as he closed the distance between us and lifted the blade to my neck, not cutting, just… caressing.
I stared into his gleaming eyes, searching, looking for something I slowly realized was gone. “Why?” I breathed.
“You actually have no idea, do you? You have no idea what it was like for us. I did the exact same thing as Casimir is still doing, you know. Well, not exactly the same, but I know he’d understand if he only admitted it to himself.” He dropped his arm, grabbing onto my skirt as if moving to lift it. I didn't want to see where he was going with this. In one swift movement, I tossed the bundle of clothes I was still holding into his face, then kicked him in the crotch with all my might. Jeremy cried out, dropping the knife, and I hurried to pick it up before boring towards the exit, slamming the door shut behind me as my brother howled in fury. At the very same moment, I heard Cas and Aleksei come back inside.
"Help!" I shouted, straining to hold the door shut. Jem was trying to tear it open from the inside. "Up here!"
Casimir was by my side in an instant, the Leshy on his heel. Aleksei was in his human form, coughing heavily as he dragged himself up the stairs, his powerful frame slightly hunched. Still, when I let go of the doorhandle and Jem came staggering out, the man with the cudgel was able to subdue him with ease. Chest heaving, I stared at my murderous brother, still naked, lying unconscious on the floor.
Cas gently placed a hand on my shoulder.
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