Submitted by abastreusmonzuzu t3_zvgxga in nosleep

I don't have much time to say what I want to say.

I am a zombie. Or rather I'm becoming one. I hope it isn't as tedious and merciless as Kúru. But hey! Laughing yourself to death doesn't sound half bad.

Since I was a child, I was obsessed with death and dreamed of working with the dead.

Keeping the cemetery tidy isn't exactly what I'd had in mind. I was thinking more along the lines of forensic pathology, but you take what you can get.

Raking leaves and dusting off headstones are common in my work day, but as boring as it may seem, it helps me forget about Kenneth.  If everything is not perfect for him, the devil incarnate comes in the shape of an unimpressive man. At least on the job, I can remember I'm doing something for me...Right up until he's spending the money I earn.

I'm lucky if I don't come home to a swat because of one thing or another. The front door creaking open, a leaf on my shoe, a late response to a text.

Just about anything would do to get away from that prick.

On occasion, there is the rush of digging a grave. The morbid part of me is a disease, I'll admit it. But it's a fun one that I sincerely hope isn't contagious like the whole zombie bit.

Earlier today, I was going about my day at the gravesite as usual, trimming and maintaining the shrubbery when I heard an animalistic snarl from behind me. I figured something from the nearby wood had made its way to my whereabouts. But upon second thought, there was something strangely human about that low groaning.

When I turned around, a woman fell into my arms. I panicked, worried she was unconscious or dying.

Without warning, she grabbed my hand and kissed it before rubbing her sticky, slobbery mouth all over my skin, which nearly made me vomit on the spot. I was puzzled, more concerned about sexual assault than the preceding moments in which her jaw doubled in size and she consumed my entire left hand.

I screamed only when I caught sight of her, pushing her out of the way.  She didn't chase me to the car.  Too damn slow for that.

As I drove to the hospital, fear pounded within me.

Around halfway there, my eyes glossed. I rubbed them, dumbfounded by the sudden blur.

When the blood came streaming down my cheeks, I ran the car off the road and into a tree none other than mine.

Yep.

Big mistake.

The car stumbled up our hill, ramming straight into the lemon tree in my front yard. Lemons busted through the already shattered windshield and splatted all over the car.

Kenneth's car.

I made it out just fine, aside from the phantom pain in my missing hand and stabbing throbs in my eyeballs. It was alarming to see my pale gaze in the reflection of the barely intact window, but, I must admit, kinda badass.

Rather than rush me to the hospital, Kenny took me inside where he pushed and kicked me repeatedly. I curled in the fetal position and rocked, wailing in pain, still a girl. Still human.

I tried to stand, but before I made it all the way up, he grabbed me by the arms, squeezing tightly.

"You're going to think about what you done," he gritted in my ear, dragging me to our bedroom, locking it from the outside with his custom-made shackle.

My mind wasn't my own. It isn't unlike me to be paralyzed with shock as a trauma response, but I have never tried to fight back. Something took over. An unfamiliar instinct. I scratched at the door and slammed my entire body weight against the sturdy frame.

"Stop it, girlie, you're only gonna tire yourself out," he cackled.

Overcome with a superhuman-like strength and godlike confidence I'd never known, I started from the back, by the window with a head-on view of the mess outside, then ran full force, screaming so hard I'm surprised my larynx didn't cave. The door toppled Kenneth over, crushing him. A part of me thinks I could have conjured that strength if I wasn't always living in my head. If I wasn't always hiding. I threw the door off of him to find him unconscious.

Great.

That gave me time to kill him without a fight.

And I did. He woke up shrieking in horror as I dug my fingers into his skull. Blood poured from every orifice of his face, tongue stuck out like a pathetic hound with cotton mouth as I effortlessly cracked him open — a fragile coconut — slurping and wolfing what little contents it offered.

I'm sat here beside Kenneth's corpse, voice to texting my worries away because I know the undead are still fiction to most. (I'd be writing this out if someone would give me a HAND...Too soon? Ah, hell.)

It hasn't been on the news or broadcast on the radio. I guess maybe this isn't the best way to find out...

Sorry probably doesn't cut it, right?

I'm sure there'll be flashing lights in no time. The neighbors never did shit about the abuse, but if his precious car is hurt, that can't be left unacknowledged. God, how I'd like to eat those fuckers alive.

My skin is peeling to the green decay underneath. I know I'm not me anymore. When I'm finished with these last words, I will be sure to put an end to this misery.

But this isn't miserable at all. So why should I?

This is freedom.

I feel something in my bones. A change is coming. The final change.

Until then, I have just one thing left to say.

Go fuck yourself, Kenneth.

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Comments

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CzernaZlata t1_j1pb13w wrote

Uuuuhm okaaay. A lot to work through here. At least you smell like lemons I guess? Sorry girl

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Braelin t1_j1pbdw9 wrote

Is the lemon tree okay?

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stonedoblivion t1_j1pck0u wrote

So you're a zombie girl now? I'm kinda intrigued lol

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abastreusmonzuzu OP t1_j1pcphn wrote

Indeed. And thank you! It turns out, you don’t lose all of your intelligence when you become a zombie. Unless the before picture didn’t have much intelligence to begin with. I bet they’d be a pretty lousy zombie. Like the one I had an encounter with.

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stonedoblivion t1_j1pd1x1 wrote

You're welcome! That's very interesting. Yeah you may be right there. So, is there something comparable intelligence-wise? Like in a movie or something? Are you still pretty mobile or do you shamble? How bad is the decay?

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abastreusmonzuzu OP t1_j1pd7mx wrote

Thank you! I haven’t actually seen many zombie movies, I’m sorry! I feel as intelligent as before. I guess I was waiting for my brain to just give up. Maybe that’s the final stage and I was wrong, though I sincerely hope not! I shambled a bit a moment ago, but only because I was sat down for too long, lol! The decay’s pretty nasty. I’m all green now. I look like a giant booger, basically, lol! Thanks for asking!

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stonedoblivion t1_j1pdzsw wrote

You're welcome! It's ok, no worries. That's good that you feel the same intelligence, I'm happy for you. Ooooh hope not either. Lol. You're welcome again. It's new for me to talk to a zombie. Witches, Vampires, eh I'm used to those. But a zombie girl? That's all new

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mephitmpH t1_j1pfkqh wrote

>Go fuck yourself, Kenneth

Truer words were never spoken 😂

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Leroyjenkins73 t1_j1piyeo wrote

Weird. I knew a Kenneth years ago.

A real peice of shit, the guy constantly bullied me.

He would follow me around parties and try to "knock me out" if he saw me by a car because drinking and driving bad.

Left me to drown in a river, ect.

Dude was a twat.

This guy crashed his truck twice.

Fist time was a bush in front of his house. Broke the passenger side window.

Second time he was drunk and drove himself into a tree going super fast.

Ended up becoming a vegetable.

What goes around comes around.

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BloodySpaghetti t1_j1prvhz wrote

Unfortunately unlike in the movies, you have a few months tops before the frame collapses. Have the best time you can while you're at it for now and keep your head protected!

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DrSchmagga t1_j1puyxq wrote

Sorry for the abuse. I hope you meet the most sexy and nice zombie that exists

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YesImFrazix t1_j1q58q5 wrote

Yea, your brain will also likely deteriorate and you may notice yourself slowly losing your thoughts, then eventually turning into a mindless zombie, then eventually a weird smelling puddle on the floor

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degr4deme t1_j1q5tx8 wrote

okay i need help kind of understanding the way zombies are then. if they’re not like TWD, are they more like iZombie? the superhuman strength and paleness lead me to think so

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Rahjeel1991 t1_j1qiupn wrote

See, this is why I identify as my second name, Adrian more than I do my first name. I really wanna change my fucking name.

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IncognitoLedeen t1_j1qmf7x wrote

I'm really feeling attacked right here and I don't like it. Sorry!

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-AbracadaveR- t1_j1qrc4o wrote

Oh, I like you. I hope you enjoy your new Kenneth-free unlife! You've earned your freedom from that douchebag several times over.

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DevilMan17dedZ t1_j1r0kln wrote

I appreciate how Handy your joke was.. very clever.. an definitely not even too soon. 🤣🤣

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gfluid_Winchester t1_j1rc0mm wrote

May everyone you eat be a bad person. Kenneth is an asshole, I'm glad you ate him, live your best life. Or... Un-life?

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abastreusmonzuzu OP t1_j1rckkf wrote

I am in awe right now. This is honestly a dream come true. Being a zombie already feels like a dream in and of itself, but support from all of you? The awards and the comments and followers? You all are amazing. STAY INDOORS AND BOARD UP. Something big is going to happen.

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-AbracadaveR- t1_j1rg28e wrote

Can I have a zombie friend too? I don't know if your kind of monster and my kind of monster usually get along but I'm willing to find out. And it would be great to have a hunting partner with a similarly dark sense of humour; I've never had one before, sense of humour or no, and it seems like it could be fun sometimes.

We can also split our kills, which would cut down on the risk for both of us, as well as the practicality of sharing since we both kinda order the same meal but only consume a specific part of it - but not the same part, so no worry about competition there, and less is wasted.

Personally, I only need the blood and the actual kill itself. It's a... it's a Thing™? I don't know. But yeah, you seem a bit more omnivorous than I, which, given the dangers inherent in the process of procuring the means to satiate our respective dietary requirements... I mean, to me that says we could be quite the efficient team, no?

So. Zombie friend?

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-AbracadaveR- t1_j1rm0ij wrote

Thank you so very much, that is one of my favourite compliments! How did you know? (Is it the brains? It's the brains, right?)

It's also a compliment I can and will gladly give to you in turn. Your writing is a pleasure to read and your voice is wonderfully distinctive. I'm looking forward to more of your work that I'm sure I'll really be able to sink my teeth into.

(I'm so sorry, lol, I know it's a terrible pun and I don't even like puns but I kinda had to.)

I think I'm going to enjoy my new zombie friend. And I thank you for the award! Nice choice, too. 🖤

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abastreusmonzuzu OP t1_j1rm668 wrote

You’re very welcome! It must be. The more brains I consume, the stronger mine becomes.

Thank you so much, fellow monster friend, that warms my dead heart!

I’m so glad to hear it! 🖤

Edit: and thank you for the award fellow well-spoken monster friend. :D

Edit: and thank you for my dinner!

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-AbracadaveR- t1_j1rqdd4 wrote

You are, of course, most welcome. You should drop by some time, I know quite a few people who would be a thousand times more bearable either posthumously or with nothing but air between their ears. No-one would notice as long as you put the top of the skull back in place.

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AquaVision-OG t1_j1rrs8z wrote

There's lots of different types of Zombies from lots of different media, what sort of Zombie would you say you were? Hope that's not too personal of a question please don't eat my brain.

If I were to guess it sounds a lot like the Zombie infection from the show I Zombie.

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abastreusmonzuzu OP t1_j1rugl3 wrote

I would like to clarify to all Kenneths who are not the dead one on my floor: you do not have to go fuck yourself and I will not eat your brain. :D

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abastreusmonzuzu OP t1_j1ruiit wrote

Also, I must apologize, I did not get notified about many of the comments, but I am trying my absolute best to respond to everyone.

— Your zombie friend Zuzu.

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Fairyhaven13 t1_j1s9obg wrote

Hey, maybe you can take one of Kenneth's hands and jam it on your stub, maybe your undeadness will somehow spread and attach the arm? Like, dead meat meeting undead meat and fusing or something? You could use the arm more than him

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BigBoiz420 t1_j1sn6q6 wrote

3 am and i see this? Quite rude. You dont even know me😔

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Orange__Moon t1_j1t1zjp wrote

Or maybe it wouldn't hurt too bad to stitch it on? Just be sure to use something sturdy like a thin leather cord to stitch it on or something else that can actually hold it together till it starts to fuse. Regular thread for any type of cloth definitely won't cut it and would rip just from normal movement.

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LittleManhattan t1_j1tfbph wrote

Kenneth was a piece of shit and got exactly what he deserved, I wish all abusive POSs like him the exact same fate, fuck them all, they deserve it.

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