Work parties. The very thought filled the introvert in me with dread. They weren’t mandatory but everyone was going to the Christmas party and I didn’t want to be the only one to not show up. Besides, I figured it couldn’t hurt getting out of my comfort zone. Not like I didn’t get along with my coworkers either.

I ended up having a surprisingly good time. Even sang a few songs during karaoke. Well, after a few drinks anyway. Ok, more than a few, I’d never have the courage otherwise. Sang a few of the classic Christmas songs. “Santa Baby” being one of them. That would unfortunately come to haunt me in just a few short hours.

I crashed into my bed around 3 am, not bothering to change clothes. I couldn’t have been asleep for even an hour when a loud crash from my rooftop woke me right up. I bolted upright, still groggy.

I rubbed my eyes, head pounding. Had it been just a dream? Then I heard the sound of footsteps on my roof. A raccoon up there maybe? Seemed a little too loud for that. Suddenly I heard a loud bang from inside the house. Shit, someone must have broken in. I grabbed the baseball bat under my bed and crept downstairs.

I carefully approached the living room, bat at the ready. The moon illuminated the room through open curtains, as I carefully surveyed my surroundings. Yet nothing seemed out of place. Odd. An inspection of the rest of my house yielded nothing. The doors were locked, the windows were still shut. No sign of entry anywhere. I was about to go back to bed when I heard the sound of scuffing from the fireplace.

“Hello, someone there?” I raised my bat as I approached.

“Ho ho ho!” Suddenly a leg popped out of the fireplace.

“Jesus Christ!” I yelped in surprise as I jumped back into my coffee table, falling onto my ass. I groaned and sat up - only to see Santa in front of me.

I screamed as I jumped to my feet and lifted my bat, but the man in front of me just smiled, a warm and friendly smile, arms in a surrender gesture. I paused, slightly disarmed by his friendly demeanor.

“You…you’re real?” I wasn’t sure what else to say.

"I sure am! And I'm here to bring Christmas cheer! Ho ho ho!", he guffawed, belly bouncing up and down.

"So...you're here to deliver my presents I presume? I must ask, how do you deliver them to everyone in one night?"

Santa inclined his head. "You misunderstand, I'm not here to give you presents. I'm here for my present. You."

My mouth dropped. "Wha-what on Earth do you mean!"

"Don't you remember the song you sang last night? Santa Baby? I have everything you want at the North Pole! Your yacht, your convertible. But your ring, I have that right here. It can be all yours! You just have to marry me, be my bride! I usually prefer women, but you'll do just fine, ho ho ho!"

I recoiled in horror. "That..that was just a song I sung, are you nuts! And I don't know what kind of joke this is, but you need to leave or I'm calling the police!" I raised my baseball bat to drive home my point.

Santa just let out a laugh. "Ho ho ho, going to be a naughty boy huh? Let's get you off that list ho ho!" Santa's smile had never changed, but his eyes, his eyes sparkled with excitement...with lust.

I screamed and swung my bat at his head. But Santa moved with reflexes beyond anything human, dodging my swing and slamming his fist into my stomach. I crumbled to the floor, coughing and gasping for air.

"Somebody needs some Christmas cheer!" I heard the sound of a belt being unbuckled. I screamed, and desperately tried to crawl away. But fat, meaty fingers gripped my ankles and started pulling me away.

"No, let go! Somebody help me, HELP ME!!"

But it was no use. Up the chimney Santa started to drag me, as I cried and begged for him to let me go. But he ignored me, busy singing to himself with glee. "They call me back door Santa....."

The sudden imaginary made my eyes into saucers. Acting on pure desperation and instinct my flailing hands managed to find the the fire poker. With a scream I stabbed the pointy end into Santa’s thigh, piercing flesh and hitting solid bone.

I heard a grunt and felt his grip release. I kicked out like a squirming fish and somehow made it to my feet. I wasted no time bursting into a sprint, as I heard a terrifying roar of anger and pain behind me.

Out the front door I went, flying out without bothering to put on shoes. Thank god I still had my car keys in my pocket, as I hit the gas and pulled out of my driveway. As I drove away I saw Santa staring at me from my porch, eyes glowing red in the night.

I went to the police station and told them someone had broken into my home. I didn’t bother mentioning anything about Santa, I knew I’d be laughed out onto the street. Unsurprisingly they found no one, though for now I wait at a motel where I plan to stay low for a few days at least.

So if you are reading this, don’t sing “Santa Baby”. At least, not until this season is long gone. And if you have, look out, because Santa might just be out looking for his bride to be.