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ZombiePenguinQueen42 t1_j6my0h3 wrote

Stories like these are why my mother and i cared for my father at home instead of letting the hospitals send him to rehabs or nursing homes for the last 5 years of his life. It was the only way to insure he would never be abused or mistreated. Even when we had visiting care providers, I would never leave them alone with my dad until we knew them well enough.

It also gave us the ability to give him the death he wanted, at home with his family and dogs on the 17th.

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IntricateSunlight t1_j6oij0i wrote

Honestly I think more people should die at home surrounded by loved ones in their own bed. So many people die in nursing homes, or hospitals instead of surrounded by loved ones in a place of comfort. My aunt had terminal cancer and for the final years of her life she opted to stay at home and refused all medical care and treatment. She had battled cancer for a very long time she even defeated breast cancer twice but it would always come back somewhere else. Eventually it spread through her whole body and she resigned herself to a peaceful death at her home, in her own bed, with her only child there taking careful care of her. Sure there were nurses that would occasionally visit but still she was at home and her daughter lived with her and stayed by her side.

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mokutou t1_j6omr2x wrote

I agree for the most part, but I also want to say that not every family can handle that. Some people need more attention and skilled medical care than a family or even a home health nurse can provide. Some families cannot shoulder the emotional costs of bringing a beloved family member home to die in their care, or do not have the means, particularly low-income families. I’ve been party to some very respectful, peaceful passings in both a skilled nursing facility and a hospital. The availability of hospice facilities and in-hospital end of life care is not necessarily doomed to be an emotionally antiseptic experience.

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IntricateSunlight t1_j6op1nl wrote

Okay I agree with this. Like for example i am the youngest and personally I dont think I'd be able to bear that kind of emotional burden my cousin did with my aunt. I am aware that if my parents are in that situation I am not the one for that. Luckily there's 4 of us, 3 girls and 1 boy so one of us girls will probably be it. I am pretty squeamish about death and a lotta medical stuff. I dont even like needles.

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mokutou t1_j6or9u9 wrote

It’s good to be realistic with your own limitations. Being a caregiver for a loved one is hard, even when the more difficult aspects of it wouldn’t bother you in a less personal setting. It wouldn’t serve you or your family if you had to bear the weight of caregiving when it is immensely psychologically taxing, in addition to the emotional aspect of preparing for loss of a loved one. You’d be surprised what you can handle when you’re in such a situation, I will say, but it shouldn’t be expected of you. Good on you for recognizing that your best support would come in other forms.

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IntricateSunlight t1_j6ov3ga wrote

I also have ADHD which is classified as a disability and GAD so yeah I ain't the one for that task. I am however trustworthy and somewhat responsible. My sister told me my parents are planning to leave their house to me and I wouldn't be surprised if its us two youngest girls handling much of the administrative side of that.

Even though I'm only 29, my parents just turned 70 and its something real to think about.

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