No doubt about it, you've got an adjustment ahead of you. I lived in Jersey City a few years ago and would commute to Somerville about once a week via train. Took about 1.5 hours and was annoying, but on the train you're not driving and can work/read/relax. For an Urban atmosphere this is your best bet if you want to stay in Jersey, but via train you can still live in NYC and commute if you wanted to. Somerville is nice but very small. Other places like New Brunswick will give you urban lite.

Either accept a longer commute from JC/Hoboken/NYC or change your mindset. What you'll lose in Urban life you can gain elsewhere. Jersey has a lot, mountains, beaches, and close to NYC.