Spoilers below

I had a similar reaction the first time I saw the film, and I think it comes from fear. Let me try to explain.

You are holding Mr. Keating responsible for Neil's suicide, and by extension, for Neil's suffering. But those things aren't his fault.

Keating could not have known what Neil would choose do. He might have know that the philosophy of "carpe diem" would lead to suffering of some kind, but he told them as much. He told them to not be afraid to follow their joy. He didn't need to explain what consequences might follow; they were nearly adult men, and they knew.

But Neil's death is so tragic that it makes us wish we could have stopped it. We rack our brains looking for how things might have ended differently.

The truth is, sometimes bullies win. Sometimes horrible people get their way. Sometimes decent people pursue their happiness, yet find nothing but pain.

It would be easy to blame Mr. Keating for that. To say, we shouldn't pursue our desires, we shouldn't take risks, we shouldn't rock the boat or make those big powerful people unhappy. But that would be exactly the wrong message. That would lead to a life lived in fear. A kind of living death. That's exactly what he told his students to fight.

Unfortunately, one of them fell in battle.

It wasn't Keating's fault, but it is the uncomfortable result of carpe diem. Life doesn't come without risks.

The right lesson, I think, is to prepare yourself for those fights. To strategize, and make sure you have good support along the way. Not to just give in to fear.

I like to think that as sad as it was that Neil died, at least he had one glorious night when he was fully alive.