Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

ItalianMama95 OP t1_j2jtafj wrote

Reply to comment by LackingUtility in Homeless with a 3 year old by ItalianMama95

This is definitely not a creative writing piece. I am reaching out to shelters, don’t want to keep replying to people telling me to stay in the UK when that isn’t an option. I just want ideas to keep my 3 year old entertained while living in a car for a short time until a shelter has space for me.

−10

[deleted] t1_j2kijpt wrote

Puzzles, plastic bath toys, coloring books, markers, crayons, play dough, stamps and an ink pad. I recommend contacting HAWC. They help a lot. They have things in their office they can give you. Toiletries. Bedding. Clothing. Toys. They sometimes have gift cards for local grocery stores, etc.

4

ItalianMama95 OP t1_j2kp5g9 wrote

Thank you for the ideas. I haven’t heard of HAWC so I will look into them.

2

[deleted] t1_j2kri8u wrote

I have used them in the past when I was leaving an abusive situation. They will help you fill out forms and help you figure out what steps to take. They also have an option where you can get free legal advice from a lawyer who works with them. They won’t be representing you - they won’t be YOUR lawyer - but they are lawyers who will meet with you for an hour and give you legal advice for questions you have. HAWC also has people who work inside the courthouse with victims and they will help you to fill out forms and sit with you in court and be a support system for you. My case ended up escalating to where the police messed up and I fought it so one of the lawyers from HAWC decided to be my lawyer with no charge. Not that they will always do that or be able to, but it’s possible.

4

[deleted] t1_j2krmkl wrote

They can usually help you find a shelter too. Housing is backed up so bad, they can’t really shortcut that. But I definitely recommend going to them. I have myself.

4

LackingUtility t1_j2kwtfy wrote

Why are you not replying to any of the people who pointed out how this path almost certainly will cause you to lose custody (and potentially face charges of neglect and child endangerment) and that talking to a lawyer is the best course of action?

3

ItalianMama95 OP t1_j2kzfxl wrote

I have responded to a couple. I have no other choice. You do not know my child’s father the way I do. He also has connections to the police. He is controlling and it is all a way for him to control me. I have no other choice but to return to the US. I will be speaking with. DTA, DCF, Shelters, everywhere that I can to help seek shelter. Either way I’m at risk of losing my child. I’m and holding out hope that I will be given shelter. But I can’t control what space they have available. How about instead of trying to dig and accuse my situation of being fake, either provide some real advice for the question I’m asking or move on to another post. You’re not helping anyone right now with your comments.

−1

LackingUtility t1_j2l1k8c wrote

If this is real, this is the stupidest thing I've ever read. Let's you're telling the truth and your ex - in Massachusetts - really has strong connections to the police - presumably also in Massachusetts... So you're going to leave the UK, where your ex doesn't have connections to the bobbies, and going to a place where your ex has all the power, and you're likely going to be committing several crimes by endangering your child. Shit, why not just show up at your ex's house, throw a kilo of coke down like a smoke bomb, and hand him a pair of handcuffs?

Again, if this is real, here's some real advice - talk to a lawyer before you move back. There are free services for people in your position, both in the US and the UK. Heck, there's a dozen law schools in the Boston area that all have free clinics.

Or, alternately, just send your son to your ex. Because that's effectively what you're doing, and at least that way you'll stay out of jail.

But this probably isn't real, because at this point, it's just too stupid to be believed.

8

mallorn_hugger t1_j2ojtqn wrote

I suspect drugs are involved here. Not because she's in an abusive relationship, and not because she is facing homelessness, but because of her nonsensical arguments.

When I had a friend who had a son about the same age, just under three, she had me help her escape her abusive husband. Don't get me wrong, he was an asshole. However, she was back on drugs and was lying through her teeth about it. She made circular arguments like this that made absolutely no sense. She hyped up her victim status, adding more and more embellishments to her husband's behavior. I have no doubt that her husband was a bad man, and I blame his abusive, controlling behavior has the thing that ultimately brought her back to drugs. However, in hindsight, I understand how much she was blowing things up, exaggerating, and lying. The drug use was also making her paranoid, hypervigilant, and skewing her perceptions of reality.

The question here shouldn't be "how can I keep my 3-year-old entertained in a car all day", but "how can I keep us from living in our car". Blows my mind that she has made these assumptions, without even consulting a lawyer. My friend also refused to follow legal advice, and kept lying and trying to manipulate the system, and trying to get people to believe her as a victim. Ultimately, she permanently lost custody of her son. I am not in touch with her anymore, but I know that her husband has full custody and she has visitation rights, and it has now been 5 years.

OP, if you read this, for the love, talk to a lawyer and follow their advice. At least make a post over on r/legal. You are saying things, and making assumptions about the system, that just simply do not make sense. It's like you're getting all of your understanding of the world from a Lifetime movie. That's why people are having a hard time believing you. No one can understand why you would leave home and shelter with your parents, to come live in your car with a preschooler in a Massachusetts winter. If a lawyer tells you it is in your best interest to do so, well that would make that decision make a lot more sense, but to assume that is your only option ( regardless of how bad your ex is, and whether or not he has connections to police) without finding out whether or not that is true is ridiculous. At the end of the day, police actually have very little say over any of this. Custody is determined by the courts, not by police. The police cannot actually legally take your child from you, without a court order, and even then DCF would also be involved. I know this for a fact, because of what I went through with my friend. Also, my father is a lawyer. It doesn't matter how many friends he has, unless they are all willing to give up their careers, the police are not just going to come in and take your kid. That is just not how it works. Now, he could take hold of the kid and refuse to give the kid back to you, and for the same reasons, the police could not take the child away from him. He is the child's legal father, and without a court order, the child cannot be removed from his custody. That is how my friend lost her son. Her husband showed up at their house, and took their child, and she never had custody of the child again. Granted, he took the child while my friend was high on drugs, and my friend lost her child because she couldn't pass a drug test. If my friend had passed her drug test, and hadn't been actively using, the courts would have worked out a custody order, and she would have had shared custody, or perhaps full custody, because her husband was no Peach either. That poor kid. He really got the short end of the stick....

3

MalyutkaB t1_j2l7lbc wrote

No no, he is controlling and manipulating so she must come back, live in a car, lose her child and then?????

2

GalacticP t1_j2kp7cm wrote

You’re the one telling us that none of the shelters in multiple states had room for you before. Why are you so sure this time will be different?

1

ItalianMama95 OP t1_j2kpi4g wrote

Im not saying it will be different. That is why I am seeking ways to entertain my child while living out of a car until I can get space in a shelter or secure childcare and a job and get an apartment.

1