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Episemated_Torculus t1_je8z8hl wrote

Reply to comment by Hefty-Set5236 in ELI5: What is codependency? Why is it unhealthy? by [deleted]

But why is it called codependency when it's just dependency? Or is dependency something different?

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LorenzoStomp t1_je98h56 wrote

It's "co"dependent because usually the one person relies entirely on the other for their needs and the other person relies on being needed for their sense of purpose. Person A can't handle their life responsibilities and Person B feels useless unless they are constantly proving their worth by doing for others (and usually neglecting themselves).

A child is naturally dependent, but if the mother makes mothering her whole identity and worth in life, now it's a codependancy (and there will likely be issues as the child naturally becomes more independent and the mother resists losing her sense of self).

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mibbling t1_je9b0dz wrote

This. Codependency refers to the person who is reliant on being depended upon, not the person who is dependent.

It’s classically seen in family and partners of people with drug or alcohol problems. If someone spends a lot of time complaining about their partner’s drinking, for example, but still puts them in situations where they’d be tempted to drink/shields them from significant consequences/pushes - consciously or otherwise - on triggers for drinking, etc, and then gets a certain amount of fulfilment out of being the one who can save the day, retrieve the lost car, fix the broken bag, rearrange the missed appointment, smooth over the disagreements, eyeroll ‘oh well you know what they’re like, they’d be helpless without me!’…

That’s codependency.

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