Hefty-Set5236 t1_je8o88k wrote on March 30, 2023 at 5:37 AM

Codependency is when you become reliant on another individual, or individuals for basic functions or emotional needs. This is unhealthy because over reliance can lead to not developing necessary skills (literally and emotional). When those individuals are taken away, either by death, a break up, moving, or another reason, the codependent person can no longer function. We all rely on others, but by over relying it can lead us to a greater struggle down the road. Its important to build basic skills, including emotional ones, even if you expect to always have people in your life.

AnglerJared t1_je8tizg wrote on March 30, 2023 at 6:45 AM

So, the goal is to love people to the point of saying “I need you,” but not meaning it literally.

LFpawgsnmilfs t1_je8wsly wrote on March 30, 2023 at 7:30 AM

Nah, love a person that brings you happiness and joy but don't let that be the only source of it. Codependent people are fully dependant on a person or persons for happiness, joy and something to do and without them they are "lost".

AnglerJared t1_je909q4 wrote on March 30, 2023 at 8:22 AM

i.e. what I said

[deleted] OP t1_je9eod4 wrote on March 30, 2023 at 11:32 AM

I would say to love people to the point where you want them bad enough to make room for them in your life.

I never found the word "need" a healthy word when it comes to a relationship between two people.

Episemated_Torculus t1_je8z8hl wrote on March 30, 2023 at 8:06 AM

But why is it called codependency when it's just dependency? Or is dependency something different?

LorenzoStomp t1_je98h56 wrote on March 30, 2023 at 10:20 AM

It's "co"dependent because usually the one person relies entirely on the other for their needs and the other person relies on being needed for their sense of purpose. Person A can't handle their life responsibilities and Person B feels useless unless they are constantly proving their worth by doing for others (and usually neglecting themselves).

A child is naturally dependent, but if the mother makes mothering her whole identity and worth in life, now it's a codependancy (and there will likely be issues as the child naturally becomes more independent and the mother resists losing her sense of self).

mibbling t1_je9b0dz wrote on March 30, 2023 at 10:52 AM

This. Codependency refers to the person who is reliant on being depended upon, not the person who is dependent.

It’s classically seen in family and partners of people with drug or alcohol problems. If someone spends a lot of time complaining about their partner’s drinking, for example, but still puts them in situations where they’d be tempted to drink/shields them from significant consequences/pushes - consciously or otherwise - on triggers for drinking, etc, and then gets a certain amount of fulfilment out of being the one who can save the day, retrieve the lost car, fix the broken bag, rearrange the missed appointment, smooth over the disagreements, eyeroll ‘oh well you know what they’re like, they’d be helpless without me!’…

That’s codependency.