OP: Data analysis is done, and this plot looks good. Just need to add color to some teams to separate them from the grey lines. Let's see, Notre Dame, you can be green.

Notre Dame: My colors are Blue and Gold.

OP: I know, but there are other blue schools and you can't really see gold lines. There aren't going to be any green teams. They all suck. Plus you guys wear green all the time.

Notre Dame: Yeah, but still our official colors are Blue and Gold.

OP: Well, either you take green or I'm giving you orange. The orange teams suck too. Not only is Texas not back, they never were. I have the data to prove it.

Notre Dame: Fine, we'll be green.

OP: Good. Whew, who knew this would be so hard. OK, next up Oklahoma. You guys get Crimson.

Oklahoma: Yes!!

OP: Alright, that was easy. Next up, Alabama. Shit.

Alabama: We want Crimson.

OP: I know, but I just gave that to Oklahoma.

Alabama: We are literally the Crimson Tide.

Oklahoma: We got here first!

OP: Bama don't you have some alternate color?

Alabama: We'll take Houndstooth.

OP: What the fuck is Houndstooth?

Alabama: It's a Black and White checker pattern. It looks sweet on hats and blazers.

OP: Yeah, but this is a line. I can't do a pattern on a 1-D line, that will just make it dashed.

Georgia Tech: While mathematically lines are one-dimensional, when you represent a line, it is necessarily two-dimensional so you could make it patterned.

OP: Shut up Georgia Tech. If I cared what you thought I wouldn't have ignored the first 67 college football history. Bama, you are going to be a black line. That will just have to do. Ok, let's hope for more variety going forward. Next up Nebraska?

Nebraska: Go Big Red!

OP: Damnit. Well, Red and Crimson should be different enough. I'll make it work. How many red teams are there? Let's see who's next. Ohio State.

Ohio State: We want Scarlet.

OP: What the hell is Scarlet?

Ohio State: It's half way between Red and Crimson.

OP: No, not happening. What else?

Ohio State: Our other color is Grey.

OP: You can’t be Grey. The whole point of adding colors is to separate your line from the crappy programs. I’m just going to make you Magenta. It’s red adjacent. No more red teams!! Who’s next? Southern Cal? Aaaarrgh. No, no Red or Crimson or Scarlet or whatever the hell you call your unique shade of red that is really just red. You are getting yellow, and I don’t care if no one can see it.

Southern Cal: We’re called Southern California.

OP: What?

Southern Cal: We prefer to be called Southern California.

OP: That’s too long, what’s wrong with Southern Cal?

Southern Cal: It is not our name. Our name is Southern California.

OP: Fine, I’ll mess with the kerning to get it to fit, but you are OK with a yellow line?

Southern Cal: Whatever.

Ohio State: Hey, if we are talking about official names . . .

OP: NO! Stop right there. That’s it. I’m done. You six teams, congrats on being the six most successful and insufferable college football programs of all time.

Notre Dame: Hey, you never ended up needing Blue. Can I have that?

OP: No. I’m finding a Blue team just to spite you. What crappy team is up next on this list? Perfect, Blue and insufferable. Join the club Michigan.

Michigan: We would rather be Maize.

OP: What the hell is Maize?

Ohio State: It’s Yellow, like piss.

Michigan: It is the color of corn.

Nebraska: Did someone say corn?

OP: No, go back to sleep Nebraska. Michigan, you are Blue. That’s it. We’re done.