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kintsugionmymind t1_j83ohy4 wrote

Reply to comment by ElectionOver4Hours in From Swiping to Sexting: The Enduring Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships - The Survey Center on American Life by TrixoftheTrade

Yeah that's not what they're saying. Women are less likely to settle for someone who treats them shitty. It's not about making a certain amount of money, or being a certain height - it's about treating your partner with respect.

If what any of these women are asking for seems hugely unrealistic to you, that's a YOU problem.

FTA:

But for many young women, dating expectations refer less to a laundry list of must-have qualities and more to basic standards of how they wish to be treated.[8]

One 19-year-old women says that she’s looking for mutual respect in a relationship and someone who approaches issues with an open mind.

I don’t want to be in a relationship where somebody’s not open-minded about things that I want to do. Like if they have their point of view on something and I have a different point of view, I would like to have like a conversation about it. Another young woman, a 22-year-old college student, echoes this sentiment. For her, feeling respected and being with someone who is kind and considerate is paramount.

Pretty much my biggest thing is respect. . . . If we’re in a relationship, you shouldn’t have any dating apps on your phone at all. Like, I don’t care if we met on one or anything like that. We are in a relationship. I don’t need you going and looking at what’s on the market. She says she is mostly looking for affirmation that her partner is invested in their relationship.

We ask for simple things, you know, remembering things that we talked about in conversations. You know, flowers occasionally. Date nights. Every once in a while, just to have that reassurance that our relationship is worthwhile and feeling like we can spend really great quality time together and share special moments.

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AA_Ed t1_j83xhgo wrote

It's almost as if you stopped reading the article at that point and didn't keep scrolling to physical features. Literally says that height matters more to women than men.

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kintsugionmymind t1_j83zgg3 wrote

It's almost the case, but it's not. I read the whole thing. Clicked There are dozens of differentiators, with gender differences across nearly all of them. So yes, women tend to prefer taller partners and men tend to prefer shorter.

But when women were asked to talk about what they meant by "expectations" height wasn't highlighted. Nor was wealth, nor any of that bullshit. Again, because I guess you didn't get it before, and because we're being condescending to each other:

Women more than men report having a greater number of potential deal breakers when it comes to dating. They are also more likely to report having difficulty finding someone who meets their expectations. But for many young women, dating expectations refer less to a laundry list of must-have qualities and more to basic standards of how they wish to be treated.[8]

It's not about height, or fitness, or symmetry, or money. Or maybe it is, if you're a shitty person with nothing else to offer. If you listen to what women are saying, it's that they want to be treated to a higher standard of respect. That's the lack of measuring up that matters, not being 6ft+

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AA_Ed t1_j84aknp wrote

Well if a deal breaker on a first date is "must be taller than me" which it seems like for 56% of women it is than there is a whole population of men who aren't even getting the opportunity to be shitty people.

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