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amos106 t1_j68tc6m wrote

Reply to comment by NEDsaidIt in 8-month-old baby injured in Duxbury family tragedy dies, DA says by Jezebels_lipstick

Our healthcare system is breaking due to staffing shortages and that includes mental health. It's unfortunate but seeking out mental health doesn't necessarily mean you are getting all if the support needed to make a full recovery. That leaves an incredibly heavy burden on the family of the afflicted person. Life doesn't just pause until you can sort things out, chores need to be done, bills need to be paid, etc. And to top that all off your partner is unable to contribute and instead needs extra care. Caretaker fatigue is a real thing and it's not anyone's else place to cast judgement because until you've been in those shoes you can't understand how conflicting and dehumanizing it feels.

It's sad and unfortunate but this is not the first tragedy our communities have suffered due to mental health crises.

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NEDsaidIt t1_j68v4wf wrote

I just can’t see going out for pizza and not taking the kids. Either way I’m not blaming him, I’m just explaining why people aren’t labeling her a horrible monster the way others get labeled. She did what you are supposed to do. Seek help. Follow the plan.

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amos106 t1_j6900zs wrote

Life can just be fucked up, that's all. Seeking out someone to blame is just a coping mechanism so we can sleep at night under the assumption that if you do the "right" thing then things will work out. Arthur DaRosa tried to do the right thing, the day before the stabbings he attempted to have himself held at the local hospital for a mental health crisis. The system that is supposed to help people out of mental health crises examined him and told him to go home. He wasn't a pretty white woman so people were much more reluctant to treat him as a victim, but he did what he was supposed to do and our system's response was telling him to pound sand. She was doing the right thing and trying to work with the same system. It's obvious that it didn't work and now a lot of people got hurt for it. I'm just saying if people want to direct their frustration and anger into something productive it's time we start figuring out why the system isn't working.

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NEDsaidIt t1_j690j5l wrote

I’m not blaming him, I have said that repeatedly. I’m responding to a comment about why people aren’t as angry or cold with her. The entire system broke down. I’m sure she had part of her plan of what to do when she felt this way, yet she didn’t do it. He didn’t follow the plan. And they obviously shouldn’t have let her be at home this unstable. So many breakdowns and now 3 innocents are gone.

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CaptainWollaston t1_j69ngz8 wrote

"I can't see going out for pizza and not taking the kids" is absolutely blaming him.

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NEDsaidIt t1_j6e27fy wrote

I’m questioning a decision. I’m also questioning the medical professionals who let her be home. When there is a tragedy we need to look at where the breakdown was. Was he not being supported enough? Did he feel he needed a break? If I wanted to blame him I would have said “he should not have left her with the kids to get pizza”. I know it’s hard to understand meaning in text. I used to write care plans and I’m analyzing more than maybe someone else. I just don’t want this to ever happen again so I look at where did this go wrong.

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[deleted] t1_j695lix wrote

The problem is not that her husband left her alone to get food. The problem is the level of care she was receiving. She should have been admitted to an inpatient hospital, not a 5-day a week day program.

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CaptainWollaston t1_j69mpxy wrote

If she was that dangerous to not be left alone with kids she should have been locked up. Fuck that.

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