wherever you go there you are

Eastern European here too. Though, I came here when I was a child.

I’m in my mid-30s too, and a condo-owner, and not a Sports fan. I moved to Boston almost a decade ago from another city - yet, I’ve found it a great place to make friends in. Just needed a little work.

Why don’t you tell us a bit about yourself, what you’re into, hobbies, goals, etc? Feel free to message me, maybe we might have some stuff in common.

I’d generally recommend doing a Skip The Small Talk. They’re monthly speed-friending events, usually at a brewery or cafe. Sometimes they do dating-ones, too. I made some interesting friends this way - and you never know who you’ll meet.

You need to find a hobby and people who share same interest in said hobby. Connecting will be easier then.

I don't think your situation is in any way specific to Boston.

Honestly I’m very familiar with the difficulty of finding friends in Boston as an adult, but the way you categorized everyone in Boston gave me a massive pause.

No, not everyone in Boston fits in those 5 categories. If that’s really your view you either have a lot of prejudice about people or you don’t invest enough effort/time into getting to know people or accepting who they are. Either way it’s sounds like the work starts with yourself.

The energy in your post is so depressing and defeatist.

• everyone in Boston fits into 5 stereotypical buckets.

• been here 11 years have made no friends

• “so over” introductory small talk and meeting people.

• got married but it went to hell and now divorced.

• claims to make good money but one trip to Killington “nearly bankrupts” you?

The problem isn’t Boston. It’s you. Change your energy and approach and you’ll have a different result. But if you have convinced yourself Boston sucks and is full of losers and unavailable people…then do everyone a favor and move away.

Try going to some shows or something you get excited about. I'm from New Hampshire, but travel to the city fairly regularly for concerts and Celtics games, etc. I tend to be a bit of an introvert and like to keep to myself for the most part, but I have friendly interactions unintentionally at these events all the time. I go to metal shows at the Middle East (Cambridge) often and always have friendly chats/doobie sessions start up outside waiting for the doors to open. I'll hit a bar up before going in to the Garden for a game, and will have chatted with a local at said bar for a while, and bars are usually not my thing. I feel these situations could have blossomed in to friendships to some extent if I was local and could have extended an invitation to meet up with them again.

Good luck, but don't give up on it. You don't have to.

As someone around your age, I get it. I'm not sure I would categorize all Bostonians in the lanes you've given, I feel like in general mid-30s many people are already set in their ways and it's difficult to naturally find places to meet people.

Not sure where in EE you are from, but I may know of a community that frequently puts on events and also teams up with the Ukrainian diaspora if that's something you may be interested in.

What would your plan be to make friends in any other city?

You spoke a lot of what you don’t like about Boston and the people, but maybe you could also share what you DO like and folks here may have some good specific resources or ideas. Common interests/hobbies would be a good starting point to make connections. Also, there are frequent posts from others who have struggled to find friends here, so it appears to be a common theme in this city, unfortunately. It could also be that you have outgrown Boston and it is time to move on. Depends on whether you have the motivation and energy to keep trying or are up for a new adventure in a new (warmer lol) city.

Good luck! Around 30 is when people either move to suburbia or leave Boston for larger cities.

Edit: Also, as a long-time New Englander, I am tired of spending time making friends with people that are transplants that move away. So now I don't even bother.

Join the club, almost 6 months sober with no friends cause black out alcohol texts

This is going to be super harsh but remember that a common theme in your relationships is always going to be you. Work on yourself, participate in hobbies and join communities that enjoy those same hobbies. Making friends is about building on commonalities without expectations of receiving anything in return. Good luck

Yep, sounds like it’s time to sell the condo and I’ve back. There’s no shame in admitting something isn’t for you.

There are a lot of people who feel the same way as you do. Here's a simple solution. Sublet an apartment in NYC for a month. See how you feel.

People debate if Boston is racist. I'll stay out of that conversation. But I will say that lots of people in Boston aren't used to having friends outside of their social demographics. This is really important because if you're a foreigner or just different .. you won't find that many people inviting you to get closer. It doesn't mean they're bad people or racist. They just never spent time around people different than them.