Submitted by sburg88 t3_10mptpy in books

Anyone else deal with this?

I spend so much time trying to find the perfect book to read. And if I’m reading a book I’m only slightly enjoying, all I do is think about all the books I’m NOT reading at the time. This has led to a bunch of rage quits on books 90 pages in that aren’t totally blowing me away.

I’m 30 years old. In my 20s when I had more free time, it didn’t matter if I wasn’t totally into a book. I would be done with it in a week anyway. Now, with work and life, I have less time to read and feel like I really need to make it count.

This has led to me trying to read the classics. You know, the ones on those “Books Everyone Should Read Before They Die” lists. And for the most part, they do nothing for me, which only increases the anxiety.

If anyone has been through this and has a system for book choosing, I’d love to hear about it. Thanks :)

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[deleted] t1_j64mv4d wrote

[removed]

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sburg88 OP t1_j6dts72 wrote

I wish I found reading to be fun, but I think it’s important enough to keep doing even if it’s a grind for me.

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Jattwell t1_j64e6q1 wrote

I have pretty similar thoughts as what you described. I have approximately 50 unread books on my shelf. I wrote all the titles on paper and cut them up and put in a container. Then when it’s time to choose the next book I pull out two and choose one.

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sburg88 OP t1_j64m1h6 wrote

I love this. I think I’ll start doing it with movies and tv shows too!

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shelfdiscovery t1_j64kfun wrote

I struggle with book choosing anxiety as well! I've recently started using Libby (through my library) as an online reader, and I've found that having a 21-day loan period and a set number (I think 10 or 15) books I can check out at once has helped me to feel less overwhelmed with selecting books. I tend to pick 3-5 books at a time, and only "check out" new books once I'm done with those.

In terms of choosing books in general though, it's always a hard one. There are SO many good books out there, and never enough time! But it's helped me a bit to prioritize whatever book excites me most in that very moment, and accepting that it's okay to leave the others for another time, or never read them if other books catch my eye more.

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boxer_dogs_dance t1_j64ritg wrote

FOMO is a huge problem in the internet age because we have so many options. It is important to be ok with good enough experience, rather than needing the best possible, because that will be different for every person and impossible to predict. Monday morning quarterbacking is always perfect and never helpful going forward.

I use a complex mix of methods for choosing books. r/suggestmeabook, r/fantasy, r/printsf, r/romancebooks, r/yalit, r/horrorlit and r/historicalfiction all provide both a search function which can be used for words like best or favorite, and also the opportunity to request specific suggestions from long time readers.

I also use best of the year articles from reputable newspapers and lists of awardwinning books. I also have a local bookstore with a staff suggestions shelf that keeps me in touch with new releases. i have found some favorites there.

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overthebridge65 t1_j64egmt wrote

When I used to read on Kindle, I would read in order of purchase. With physical books, I take a quick glance and just pick within 5 or 10 seconds! I think you’re taking it quite seriously, reading is supposed to be fun so make the choosing of next reads fun too!

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minimalist_coach t1_j64s9y3 wrote

A few things came to my mind as I was reading your post.

Why do you read? Are you trying to improve something like language or understanding other perspectives? Do you read for entertainment, relaxation, or to escape? Is it just another thing on your To-Do list?

Do you set any goals or join any challenges? I do both of these things to help guide my reading each year. I have infinite choices so focusing on a theme, genre, or my TBR pile helps narrow choices for me.

It's also OK to take a break from reading, we all have seasons in our lives when it's more stress than benefit to do certain activities.

I used to read to be better at my job, so my books reflected that and I rarely read for pleasure. Now, I'm retired and I primarily read for pleasure, but I also want to continue to learn things, so my book choices reflect that.

I find getting clear on the purpose of any activity is helpful to decide how you participate in that activity and how much time you dedicate to it.

Classics aren't for everyone. One of my goals last year was to read some classic books, ones on the everyone should read before you die lists, and for me it was torture. They weren't hard, they were just annoying, but I slogged through them because they were part of a goal I set. I no longer feel like reading these books will enhance my life in any way. I may try more in the future, but I will DNF them if I don't enjoy them.

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sburg88 OP t1_j650i1g wrote

Thanks for your post. A lot of great points.

To be honest, I’m not someone that gets a ton of joy out of reading. It can be a grind for me. I do it because I think it’s really important. Not only to learn, but as an escape from the internet and its nonstop stimuli. In my 20s when I felt like I was working a dead end job it made me feel like I was still improving myself and not going backwards. Now I want to get better at my current job and try to understand the world a little better. I read a lot of history.

There are times when I’m really into a book and get into a flow with it where I can read for a while without noticing how long it’s been. I think I’m chasing that readers high every time, but it rarely happens.

I suspect the lack of a passion for reading is why I can’t quite get into fiction and the classics.

I’ve tried setting goals and it does help. Even just a modest 15 pages a day let me feel like I’m building momentum with a book.

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minimalist_coach t1_j65bl4v wrote

There are lots of kinds of goals. Reading a specific amount per day is a good one for people who want to get into the habit. But a goal can be anything, I have a goal to DNF books without guilt if I'm not enjoying them. Even when I'm trying to learn something new, I know that there are many books on the topic and if I find one that I'm struggling to finish, I'm happy to quit it and find another that may be better for me.

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HappyLeading8756 t1_j664at9 wrote

Since you read mainly for self-improvement and learning, then perhaps you could:

  • Research and create a list or lists of books that fit your criteria.

For example, many classics give us better understanding of history, society, culture, etc. Yet, they are not all equal when it comes to influence, education, being topical or offering interesting insights and food for thought. And it is also true for the contemporary writing. So it is worth to check various lists and go for those that are on school/university obligatory read lists, suggested by various experts or recommended by newspapers and magazines.

Many authors have also written shorter novels, stories or essays. So if you struggle with reading longer books by influential authors, those may be a great option for you. It's like a tasting menu.

In your list, you can also add keywords or notes on why did you choose this topic.

This way you will have your own list(s) that will not only make decision making easier but also will motivate you to actually finish the book because you will know that it is beneficial.

  • Choose reading challenge that fits you and stick to it.

I found that reading challenge is a great motivator to actually choose and finish a book. There are so many to choose from - generic, only fiction or non-fiction, genre specific, etc.

Finally, if you only enjoy reading historical fiction and non-fiction, then there's nothing wrong with that. There are plenty of people who read mostly 2-3 genres and that's okay.

Edit: specifications

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SpaceGirl420_ t1_j64kacf wrote

I’m going through something similar right now; I’ve gotten three or four new books just this week, including classics I haven’t read yet (pride and prejudice, picture of Dorian grey, etc.) and I’m like 30 pages into all of them 🫣 I want to read them all at once lol!

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CSEngineAlt t1_j64szz1 wrote

I got you, fam. Choice paralysis is a documented scientific phenomenon.

So I have a full excel spreadsheet that records every single one of my books, and all the books written by the authors of those books in a side-column, so I can break it into an easy visual list.

I break the books up the same way I have them on my bookshelf. So organized by author (last name first), then within that section by series (if they wrote any, with individual works going at the bottom) then the books in publication order within those sections.

The only time where I don't follow this process is when it's a multi-author series - like, I'm not going to put my Ian Fleming Bond books 3 shelves down from Benson. So I shelve them amongst the authors by series title instead.

Then I start at the top of the list. So Adams, Douglas. First series in the list is of course the HitchHiker's Trilogy, so I read The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Once done, I then skip down to the next name on the list - in this case, Adams, Taylor (No Exit). Then Austen, Jane (Pride and Prejudice). Barker, Clive (Books of Blood, volume 1... real whiplash there coming from P&P).

By doing this, I don't have the chance to get bored of a particular author's style unless I get a run of similar authors - and if that happens, read the first, then skip to the next dramatically different author. And when I hit an author that I've read all the books I own (So example, Buehlman, Christopher - I only own Between Two Fires) I kick over to my To Buy column, and place an order for Those Across the River. Because I already know I like his style, so it's a safe bet I'll like the rest.

When trying a new author I've never done before, I try to research what is considered their 'best' work, and start with that, as long as it isn't breaking up a series. If I don't like that, I don't bother with anything else they wrote. And if I start with their 'best' and reach a point where the 'lesser' works aren't doing it for me anymore, I stop, and consider my collection by them 'done' unless they unveil a new masterpiece that has the rest of the world talking.

That being said - don't feel too bad about those 90 page rage quits. As a general rule, if I'm not fully hooked (or at least determined to slug it out to the end) by the halfway point, I'll often ditch a book and move on. Usually closer to 25% - if by then they're not wowing you, the rest often won't be any better.

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belladonna_nectar t1_j64xnr7 wrote

I feel you, I guess the older we become the more tangible our own mortality is and the awareness that our time here is pretty limited. What works for me against these spiralling thoughts is acceptance, there are too many books out there and no one will be able to read them all. And it doesn't matter anyways. I'd say show no mercy in weeding out the books you think are "meh" and pick those that sound like a real treat. There must be some good reads among them. I'm reading Alice in Wonderland atm and I enjoy it a lot. Probably gonna pick some classics soon, Quiet on the Western Front, Crime and Punishment, Where The Red Ferns Grow being some I can think of from the top of my head.

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LizzyWednesday t1_j65ncli wrote

If I'm reading Classics, it's to revisit (or, more likely, actually read) something I was supposed to have read in high school or at uni but blew off (& survived the class anyway) because teenagers are real know-it-all jerks sometimes.

I will occasionally do a "Classics Catch-Up" choice, but I'm more likely to read something escapist or "easy" when I have very little time to myself. That meant a lot of YA and graphic novels at one point; more recently, it means romance & erotica. Between the YA/graphic novels phase and now, I was really into nonfic.

If I get into a slump, I read short story anthologies and essay collections.

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Rick_101 t1_j65pp63 wrote

I got a list, I add books whenever they come to my attention and have something interesting to offer. I add titles even when I am not actively looking for books. I never run out this way.

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books_throw_away t1_j65va6u wrote

I deal with the same thing. I get anxious because I have such short amount of free time, so I only want to read good books. And I think for the same reason, I mostly only read classics because they are always a safe choice. Thankfully I actually enjoy classics. But yeah I understand what you are going through. Looking for a solution for this myself.

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twee_centen t1_j65zkrj wrote

I'm in my early 30s too, and in recent years, I've come to value my time significantly, so I have absolutely zero anxiety over dropping something that I am not finding enjoyable. Books, movies, TV series, whatever. You can literally never obtain more time, so why deliberately waste your most precious resource on garbage?

For a reading system, I have a stack of books I've purchased and not read. I try not to let it go too high. When I'm picking what to read next, I target books that are standalone first, and then books as part of a series, because some of the series books means I actually have to read 3 other books I bought/read years ago and don't remember that well before I can read the 4th book that I purchased and haven't read. I target to finish at least one book a week, so I'll take the total number of pages and make a daily reading goal for myself. If I'm borrowing any books, then those are top of my list so I can return them to their owner and not keep them for 6 months.

I'm not big on clutter, so when I'm done with the books, I filter them into a "to shelf" stack or "to donate/sell" stack. I take care of them once I run out of space in my little stack, so about once a quarter.

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DeathandGrim t1_j665j96 wrote

I typically just steel myself and go through the current book I've chosen. Unless the book is so bad I return it, I take it piece by piece.

A good mindset I get in is thinking about how while I may have a lot to do, if I do a bit of each all at once, nothing will get done.

So just take every book one at a time and think about how far you've read, rather than how much more you have left. It's a great way to positively reinforce your reading habit.

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[deleted] t1_j670b2j wrote

Well I'm not sure how you're currently choosing books, so I don't know how helpful this will be, but here is how I do it:

Step 1) I don't read reviews. These days I barely read the back blurb. I follow a lot of indie/well-curated bookstores and get news letters about new releases, author talks, etc. I don't read them in depth, but rather scan, keeping my eye open for anything at all that sounds remotely interesting. Bonus points if the same book gets showcased a lot. Then I will usually, eventually go take a look at it.

  1. When I look at the book, I look at the cover and the endorsement blurbs. I will skim the summary a little, if I'm like, IN the bookstore looking at a book that hasn't been on my radar at all. They don't always determine whether I will read a book (or enjoy it if I do), I'm just telling you what I do. I look to see if it's won any awards or been shortlisted for any. I don't tend to like Booker winners, and I do tend to like Pulitzer winners... If you notice any trends like this among the books you enjoy, take them into account.

Step 3) This used to be the main way I chose books but as I gained more understanding about what I liked, I relied on it less-- Open to a random page and read it. If it is interesting to you the whole time, even without context, you will probably like the book. Don't read the first page, it has to be random. Usually a lot of effort has been put into the opener even if the rest of the book isn't great.

Step 4) Over time, find people who share your reading tastes. I only really have two, and one of them I'm not really in touch with right now. But either of those people could recommend me anything and I know I will read it and enjoy it.

But I think maybe if I had to give any advice, it's this: If you aren't liking a book as much as you want to be liking it, then put it down right away. At page 50 instead of page 90. Put it down before it makes you mad. The more you do that, the faster you'll calibrate your tastes and be able to put my above advice into action (if you want). Happy reading!

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VeloKa t1_j67c788 wrote

Mine isn't exactly anxiety but I struggle with choosing books and so I end up with horrendous ones a lot of the time

One strategy is that I read 2-3 books at a time. In case one is boring you have a second one to not drain your reading desire. (this help if you dislike DNFing as well)

My newly developed strategy is that I write down a number of titles I'd like to read this year. The number is my reading challenge of the year. This help reduce my 1000+ wishlist to a manageable number (this year it's 40 for example)

The thing with the list, is that I don't stick to it like gospel. I update it once a month or so based on new recommendations, so it doesn't become a job. Most of it stays the same, but aroung 5 change and so your list becomes more targeted towards favorites, but it also gives that sense of accomplishment as you see the list shrinking as you go through it. (unlike my wish list wich keeps growing infinitely.)

I hope this helps somehow.

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open-fridge89 t1_j67hz8w wrote

I look for books I want to read on Libby and place a hold. I have a backlog of books on hold so I just always read whatever is available next!!

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heart_over_board t1_j682udx wrote

I use a number generator because sometimes I have so much anxiety I can't pick one from my tbr pile and just stop reading altogether. I don't cheat the rule and it became a fun little game over the years.

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StoneTwin t1_j66uam0 wrote

Audiobooks :

I just try to find anything someone kind of thought might be enjoyable.

Currently listening to all Hugo award winners since the 50s.

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Wickedjr89 t1_j69a8yt wrote

Then ... stop reading the classics? It sounds like you don't like them, and that's ok. Just read what you want to read, for fun, for enjoyment. Not what you feel like you're supposed to.

I do get anxiety about what book to read next and think about other books while i'm reading one, because I want to read so many books and there's not enough time in a lifetime to read them all, but ultimately I choose something and I read it. If i'm not liking it I generally DNF and move on. I don't need to be blown away by a book to finish it though. But it sounds like you're hating the classics, which is fine, just means that's not what you want to read and that's ok.

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Wickedjr89 t1_j69c4go wrote

For choice people have already talked about ways to decide what books to read. For me personally I used to make TBRs and POPs (piles of possibilities i'd choose from) but this year i've finally decided to stop doing that. Don't get me wrong, I think they worked for me for a time and got me into reading and reading diversely (which personally I enjoy) but it no longer works for me. I just want to read what I want, when I want. And now? I'm more excited to read than ever before! What will I read next? I don't know. I have ideas. I used to share my TBRs and POPs (book blog, booktube ...) so I felt stuck in them, like a promise, and I could not break a promise.

Now I write down a bunch of books i'm thinking of but I don't share it, no promise is made. When I go to pick up another book I decide what I want to read based on what I feel like reading. There may be other considerations but nothing set in stone. Like, is this book club on Goodreads reading a book I want to read? Do I feel like joining in? If so, I will, if not, I won't.

Granted all this is me personally. I'm not saying it works that way for everyone (or even anyone) else. You'll figure out what works for you. Good luck :).

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