Submitted by NightVisible3767 t3_zw2pm8 in books
I read a review on Goodreads that said something like, "after reading the book, I'm glad her mom died, too.
I agree. What an abusive, narcissistic monster.
Former child TV show actress Jennette McCurdy reveals her traumatic childhood with narcissistic mother who emotionally and sexually abused her, her struggle with eating disorder Bulimia and her love life, fame, and career.
How could Jennette be so happy to lose weight, what child should develop a close relationship with their scale and count calories with their mother? I can somewhat understand the need to please her mother. I think there comes a point in all our lives where we develop a love-hate relationship with our parents.
This particular bit about cycling to dance class with her Dad, and going for milkshakes later saddens me. She hoped he took her to get milkshakes because he knew she hates acting class so he was trying to save her, but it turns out he really didn't know, just thought she had free time. Being so distant with him, I could understand that.
Notable lines:
"Mom showers me with Scottie sometimes. He’s almost sixteen at this point. I get really embarrassed when she showers us together. I can tell he does too. We usually just look away from each other and Scott distracts himself by drawing Pokémon in the fogged glass. He does a pretty good Charizard. When she showers us together, Mom says it’s because she’s got too much to do. Scott asked if he could shower himself once. Mom sobbed and said she didn’t want him to grow up so he never asked again after that."
She showers her fifteen year old son? What in hell? Does no one in the house, the father or the grandparents say out loud: what the hell!? The father is passive as hell, but the grandfather seems to have his head screwed on right judging by the conversation he has with her about a child having fun. This happens when they're out together in the yard while she's practicing her lines with a Russian accent (her rs weren't good enough).
“Move your head around a bit more, Jennette!” The Creator yells from offcamera. Sometimes, even when the camera’s rolling, producers or directors shout things off-camera. So long as they’re not overlapping a line of dialogue, the editor can just take out the yelling in postproduction.
I like how she adds a bit more detail so we know what happens in the background. And yeah, she does name the Creator at one point. She refers to him by his first name.
"Maybe people go to church because they want things from God. And they keep going while they’re wishing and yearning and longing for those things. But then maybe once they get those things, they realize they don’t need church anymore."
Lol, as a former Christian I agree there's truth to this.
"Mom’s pointed choice of words—or word, rather—hits me hard. Hopefully. I feel furious with her, then immediately guilty for feeling furious. I must be a terrible person to be able to feel fury at my mother while she’s slowly dying."
I can understand this feeling of hating your mother then feeling guilty about it.
""The task of FEELING this confusing, overwhelming blob of emotions instead of distracting myself with bulimia is daunting. Bulimia helps me to rid myself of these emotions even if it is a temporary, unsustainable fix."
Somewhat similar to other forms of release. I hate it, I'm ashamed of it, but it makes me feel better. It's release. A screwed up, demented form of release.
"The heart of the problem? “Jennette, what you’re describing is… really unhealthy. Your mother essentially condoned your anorexia, encouraged it. She… taught it to you. That’s abuse.”
She has a clear voice that rings out. The subject matter was depressing but yet I couldn't put the book down. So raw, so real. Stardom is not all it seems. This book gave me a first view into Bulimia and how its victims feel. I wanted to feel sorry for Jennette, but her strong spirit shone through. She doesn't lie on her side and let the big bad world run over her. She takes her life into her own hands. I admire her guts. I related to the feelings of loneliness, depression, the feeling of a lack of sense of self-worth. I won't be reading this again, but for what it's worth, I'm glad I did.