Could be because ultimately, you can’t change other people. The only thing you are truly in control of is that sack of meat you’re driving around. Granted, issues between other people can be sorted out and an outcome reached, but if those people causing you strife aren’t open to communicating and compromise, then at the end of the day, you have to make sure you’re ok and living a life you’re content with living.

Not all books are created equal, more so for self help books. Bad ones, if you take their lessons to heart, will make you turn egotistical and borderline narcissistic. Good ones will give you tools to improve and guide you through steps to achieve it.

Now to answer your question, I'll say that in that light, there are people who are making mistakes towards you and people who are toxic. The people in the first category will make an effort to improve if you point-out their mistakes, the ones in the second category don't care. Because it's hard to know which is which, you should start by communicating what bothers you and then, if they keep doing it, then yes, cut them out.

Mistakes in this context is ways of treating you that you don't like to be treated in. E.g being referred to by a shorter name, that may be annoying or triggering to you or stepping too close in your personal space. In other words, something for which there is no way for the other person to know it's a mistake until you communicate it. It does not refer to actions that they know are wrong, such as taking financial advantage of you. Although for some cases, even then you could benefit by expressing your dissatisfaction, as cultural differences may come into play.

I feel like a lot of these self help books are written for people who have next to no self esteem. If that's the case, straight up cutting down the amount of time you spend with toxic people to build up your self esteem a bit is a good move.

But when you have more self esteem, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can set healthy boundaries, and talk to people who are not necessarily toxic, but just have bad habits.

I guess that's one way of looking at it.

If you have people who tear you down, it's hard to build self esteem. If you have people who don't respect your boundaries, it's hard to create good habits and feel like you have control over your life.

Over the years I've evaluated just about every relationship I've had, and yes, I've cut ties with some people. I've also set boundaries in hopes of improving some of those relationships, but that hasn't always been received well by others. When someone is used to you saying yes to all requests, or allowing them to be jerks to you or others and you suddenly say, that doesn't work for me, it can be a big problem.

The interesting thing for me was, as I quit spending time with bullies and narcissists I seemed to find new friends and establish new relationships with other family relationships.

I think to honestly answer your question requires more context than we can get from one sentence over the internet.

Cutting out abusive people is wise and prudent. Cutting out flawed people who care about you can be tragic for everyone involved.

Telling the difference can be hard.

Self help books that have helped me include Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, Peace is Every Step, After the ecstasy the laundry, Eat that Frog, the book of joy, Man's Search for Meaning.

You may benefit from counseling, or from honest feedback from a good friend. If you want advice about a specific person, Momforaminute or r/askwomenover30 are nurturing communities that might help.

TLDR some self help books are bad books with counterproductive advice. Some are useful.

The methods and ideas discussed in such books are not scientific.

Basically, these books are telling you to surround yourself with positive influences and avoid toxic people, but when you try to apply that to real life, it feels kind of harsh and self-centered. You might be worried about cutting people out of your life just because they have a bad habit or two, and you don't want to be a total jerk to your family and friends.

Here's the thing: it's totally normal to feel this way, and you're definitely not alone. These books can be really helpful, but they're not a magic solution for every situation. It's important to take care of yourself and set boundaries, but it's also important to be respectful and considerate of other people's feelings. If you're finding that these books are causing you to act in a way that doesn't feel right, it might be helpful to take a step back and think about how you're treating others. Are you being kind and understanding, or are you putting your own interests first?

It’s not about doing whatever they say to the T. It’s about taking what they did/advise, and applying it to your life to help you improve. That doesn’t mean you have to do everything they or even exactly what they say. Just do what you think works for you, based of what worked for them. No two situations will be the same. Cutting out toxic people doesn’t mean you have to cut off everyone that doesn’t make you immediately happy. Cutting out toxic people is cutting people out of your life that actively make it worse. Someone who makes you feel bad about yourself, someone who uses you to get what they want but wouldn’t lift a finger to help you, or someone who you put effort into knowing and caring about but they can’t even remember any important detail about you. You aren’t an asshole for choosing who to talk to, and you aren’t an asshole for not talking to people who make you unhappy. I think maybe the term toxic is overused. When I think of a toxic person I usually think of someone who is a POS. Not friends or family who just have a couple bad habits. Now also cutting them out should be last resort, talk to them if you think they’re hindering your life but not in a toxic asshole kind of way.

I would like to support the therapy idea. Some professional feedback changed my life

Those self help books seem to be a scam to draw money from desperate people. I absolutely despize books like this.

That's a common issue with self-esteem training, a prominent downside.

Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff is an excellent antidote to this.

Books that are about more well-rounded development of character strengths and virtues (positive psychology) tend to be better. There's some thought towards altruism, the greater good, feeling like part of something greater (secular or religious), etc. Self-esteem books are narrow in scope.

Too much self esteem creates arrogance. It's a fine line between arrogance, and self confidence.

When you're reading these books, ask yourself this question: what part of this would be useful to apply to my specific circumstances? Not everything in those books are useful for everyone. It's up to you to figure out what's going to enhance your life and what's going to create more difficulties.

I'd also like to say that everyone has bad habits. That doesn't mean they are toxic people. Also, it's not your job to police their bad habits. If their habits involve behaviors are negatively affecting you, set a boundary instead of cutting them off. And remember, boundaries aren't about changing them, it's about keeping you safe. Safe, not comfortable.