When is a kid/teen/person too old or too young to read something?

Submitted by ShannonHC2010 t3_z92ars in books

A little backstory on my question: My sister texted me yesterday asking if her 13 year old niece (on her husband’s side) was too young to read the Colleen Hoover books.

I honestly don’t know anything about them other than they are all over the best sellers lists and I pass them on Amazon quite frequently. As I’ve become older (now 30), I’ve had less time for books than I did when I was a teenager. I was a reading machine back then, and I still read books more than any other family member (which is why she texted me).

She’s worried these books have too much of adult topics that her niece shouldn’t be reading.

When I was 13, I was reading A LOT of different things. I was raised Catholic, and this was before cell phones. Our internet was closely monitored at home. My only way to view the world was from books. I’d go to the library for hours, or order online and have my dad drive me by to pick up a pile of books. I even learned about inter-library loans, so I could pretty much have any book I wanted.

At 13, I was immensely struggling with coming to terms I was bisexual. I had positive influences in my life, but my mom thinks being gay is a sin and my dad just never really dealt with anything emotional, so I felt like I was drowning. Catholic school on top of that just made things SO MUCH WORSE.

So I’d read. I read every LGBTQ+ book I could get my hands on. And I assure you, they were not all clean. Most of them had descriptions of graphic sex, especially the gay novels. These books saved my life. I was so alone before I had these books. The books were the only things that kept me sane and knowing that sex was ok outside of marriage and that you can be in a loving and supportive gay relationship.

With all of this, I know I don’t know these Colleen Hoover books, but I feel like her niece should be the one judging for herself if she can handle them. 13 is an age where you might not know everything, but you can judge a book for yourself, at least in my opinion.

Thoughts?

TL;DR: Sister asked me if Colleen Hoover books are too adult themed for a 13 year old. When is a book the right age for a person? How do you judge that? Or do you?

UPDATE: Thank you guys for your views! I really appreciate everyone having a civil discussion on this topic. I’m sad I’m getting downvoted though. Don’t know what that is about. 😞

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jeremy-o t1_iyelssr wrote

I'm of the opinion of you have the language to digest mature concepts and the patience to sit through literature about it, the additional exposure can only be positive.

These are bestsellers from an author of young adult fiction so it's not exactly subversive counterculture. I think the only limiting factor is the girl's own interest, and there's no harm in offering one to try. As an English teacher I can say that age is the ideal time to challenge a young reader to open up the boundaries of reading practice.

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SeaWitchK t1_iyemimy wrote

I too used books to survive, and I made a policy to never ban a book in my house- my loose rule is, if you're reading it and able to discuss the book, it's themes, what you think /feel about it, what you disagree with, etc. it's fair game. My teens are voracious readers, and we have excellent conversations about what we're all reading. They also know I'm not going to press about any one particular book, generally, which makes reading anything feel pretty safe.

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trickykat t1_iyevoxx wrote

Kids can differ in their maturity levels so it would be hard to recommend specifics to other parents. I have not read the Colleen Hoover books myself (romance books are really not my thing!) but I do know that she has posted age recommendations on her website - maybe this will help? https://www.colleenhoover.com/books/recommended-reading-age/

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Brizoot t1_iyf0a7r wrote

When I was 13 kids were reading Flowers in the Attic and scifi/fantasy novels with the weird authors' fetishes on display and we turned out ok.

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serralinda73 t1_iyepa09 wrote

This is one of those situations where there is no right answer. My go-to response would be - if the girl showed interest in reading them, then give her one and see how she likes it. If it's too "adult" in tone - not graphic sex and violence, just adults "adulting" - then she might find it incredibly boring or dense. Be open to discussing the book with her, if she has questions.

But, since you and your sister are not this girl's parents...you're risking a big mess, sadly. Whether the girl likes the books or not, if her parents disapprove then you just broke a big family rule and you won't have any say in how they interact with their child.

If you know the parents well enough to talk with them about it, then you can say, "Look, I think she'd like these books but I can't be sure. As far as I know, there is nothing overly shocking, traumatic, upsetting, disturbing, or graphic in them. As far as I know, after doing a little research online - haven't read them myself. I think curiosity should be encouraged and I think reading is a safe way to explore and learn about the world. But you are her parents, so you know her better than I do. Also, you are the ones who will deal with the consequences - whether that means discussing topics you are uncomfortable with or your wallet takes a hit because she wants to buy all 20 books this author has written to date."

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Jezebel06 t1_iyezq3i wrote

I'd say if you want a person, especially a minor, to enjoy reading, you ultimately let them pick up what they want rather than what you might.

There can always be discussions. The fact is that ppl grow learn and question at their own pace and not someone else's. Dose your sister want your niece to come to her with stuff including interest and preference or hide it?

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rudebish t1_iyf3knx wrote

I've never banned books nor do I believe in banning books. At 13, my daughter was reading Colleen Hoover and other romance books. My policy was: read whatever you wanted and let's talk about things you didn't understand.

When I was that age, I read everything I could get my hands on and I read pretty much every Stephen King book that he published back in the 80s! Didn't quite get a lot of concepts in his books as I was young but I read them anyway...and I'm fine. I do think at that age, they're fully capable of knowing what books they want to read.

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Superb_Tiger_8376 t1_iyev8af wrote

Depends on the kid. Some kids are more grown up than others. I read full blown smut when I was 13. I only got the borning and akward talk from my parents. So I had to educate myself.

I honestly do not think it harmed me and think it is better to educate children sooner on sex than later. Books can be a great way of doing that. And I also mean by that books with problematic stuff like rape, unconsensual stuff. I think if parents talk with their children about such stuff portrayed in media it can help them handles this stuff better in real life.

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[deleted] t1_iyeyxnl wrote

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casualroadtrip t1_iyfavao wrote

She will likely stop reading when she comes across something she isn’t ready for.

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[deleted] t1_iyfcfhc wrote

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casualroadtrip t1_iyfdpp5 wrote

Well that’s you. I read mature stuff at that age too. And honestly I don’t think my parents could have stopped me. I knew a lot more about the internet then they did and most of the stuff I read was from there. I think if they had tried to stop me I would have been more determined to keep reading that stuff. So that would absolutely have backfired on them.

But I’m also from a country and culture that’s rather relaxed around sex. I think we are more worried about violence in movies/books then about some spicy stuff. I can even remember reading stuff for school that had had some serious adult themes in them. I guess we prefer our kids reading about that before they actually have to deal with it in real life.

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CatieCanNZ t1_iyf1y74 wrote

Highly recommend Common Sense Media: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/

I did a search and it looks like there are a couple Colleen Hoover books on there, recommended as 15-16+.

I'm not a parent, but heard of this site through a friend with two kids under 7. She told me she generally finds it reliable.

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boxer_dogs_dance t1_iyemsnb wrote

I don't know the Hoover books. I read a lot as a young teen, but including Jean Auel books with explicit sex scenes and mostly it worked out fine. The two exceptions I can think of, the Godfather and Aztec had content I really wasn't ready for, but I survived the experience. I would look closely at reviews of the books and make sure there isn't something truly disturbing in them.

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kaysn t1_iyen3sg wrote

Depends on the child really. I personally started reading by myself at age 9. And some of those did touch on concepts many would consider inappropriate for my age and reading level. Though none were graphic in detail. My mother believed in instilling culture and knowledge, to be articulate.

I'm no expert. I'm also not a parent though I do have a niece and nephew who are getting into reading. In my mind, the child's interest would play a part in it. And it is up to the adult in their life to have conversations with them. To discuss, explain concepts and answer their questions.

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Sunshinetrooper87 t1_iyf8da9 wrote

Basically no. Nothing a 13 year old is going to read in a book is going to not be available to the teen on their phone.

You have to guage if the parents will approve! Also you don't want to be the potential weirdo giving a teen books with sex in it.

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casualroadtrip t1_iyfa8ox wrote

Any book that gets a thirteen year old to read is age appropriate in my opinion. I never read Colleen Hoover and I believe she targets a bit higher then age thirteen. Again, if your niece really wants to read them I would let her. But course it’s up to the parents. I personally believe that when someone isn’t ready to read something they’ll put it down themselves. It’s not like with tv/movies or games that kids get peer pressured to read things they aren’t comfortable reading.

Also you can never be to old to read something. I read adult, young adult and middle grade books. I even enjoy some of the picture books I read to my niece and my friends daughter.

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