My dad dedicated his book to me. Should I read it even though it's not my cup of tea?

Submitted by Rinoalbering t3_z87g3t in books

So my dad finally published a book he's been investing a lot of time and researches in.

It's a scientific book, about entomology (he's an entomologist).

It's not a book for everyone, most of it is objective description of species of insects and the rest is an endless list of insects names, most of them in latin, with the region they're from.

He said more than once that it's meant for other entomologists and that he doesn't expect me to read it, but two professors at my university have expressed that it's huge that he dedicated it to me, and I should read it out of gratefulness.

Are they right?

EDIT: some of you are saying "try reading some of it, try to find some chapters that you can discuss". The problem is, there's nothing to discuss. It's more like a dictionary, but for entomologists.

The book is meant to be a guide to determine insects. Every paragraph describes an insect (ex. Torso length: X; Wings length: X; Antennae; X. In this list-like way) and than a short description of where this insect can be found (and a pic too for some).

This is done for 678 species; not a casual number, exactly 678, and I know because the least 10 pages are a list of all insects described in the book.

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AlunWeaver t1_iya5z4s wrote

I would leaf through it and give it a prominent place on my bookshelf.

By no means would I read the entire thing.

EDIT: Your edit is cracking me up. People in this thread are telling you (some of them quite rudely) to read an exhaustive entomological dictionary when they themselves lacked the patience to properly read your 100-word Reddit post.

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Autistic-IT-Fan t1_iya66ic wrote

Switch roles I guess, would you want him to read your book if it wasnt his cup of tea, and how would it make you feel if he did or didn't?

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DeaneTR t1_iya67n9 wrote

I learned in Grad School that having something valuable to say about a book you didn't read is essential. The easiest way to do that is to read the index, the table of contents and some random pages to find out what you can contribute to a discussion about the book if it ever comes up. If you applied that to your dad's book, you'd have all your bases covered. As in he probably doesn't have an issue if you didn't read it entirely, but would be hurt if you didn't even look at it.

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hellosugar7 t1_iya68sm wrote

I would also encourage you to at least peruse the book and find something of interest you can mention to your father to show him you care about him and his work.

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Johnny_Dev t1_iya712d wrote

I just read in another thread that we shouldn't force people to drink tea if they're not into it.

So no, you don't have to read it.

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Little_Noodles t1_iya7lgk wrote

Replying to DeaneTR (#780,165)

Alll this, but also, see if you can find a review of the book in an academic journal (JSTOR has really opened up access to stuff since the pandemic).

Dropping something like “x person said something nice about your book in this journal” would probably make his year.

This would also be a good way of taking an interest in the work and what he does that doesn’t involve reading a list of stuff about bugs.

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10-ten-10 t1_iya7ycy wrote

Do you have a kind of relationship with your father that you can tell him that you'd find reading the book daunting?

Can you have a "meta" conversation with him about the book instead? -- make him talk to you about the writing process, his favourite part, the part he struggled the most with? I'm sure you can think of meaningful questions.

I guess what I mean is you can show your interest and appreciation in other ways than just reading the book.

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unlovelyladybartleby t1_iya80kq wrote

I wrote a niche book and only one relative bothered to even flip through it, and it meant a lot to me that she did. At least give it a go. Try the into paragraphs to each chapter and only read further if you find it interesting. Then you've got an understanding of what it's about without needing to know the Latin classification of dozens of bugs you've never heard of

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Tlmic t1_iya81xg wrote

"I watched him write it - he worked so hard and I'm really proud of him!"

Do you need to say more? It sounds like you already know what the book is and it sounds more like a reference book than something that enjoys a lot of discussion.

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DeaneTR t1_iya8bcb wrote

Replying to Little_Noodles (#780,485)

Or even better research all the bug experts who named bugs they discovered after family members and say how come all these people got bugs named after 'em but all I got was a book dedication? :-)

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_Pohaku_ t1_iya9jdf wrote

Put yourself in his shoes and think about what it would mean for you to read it and then even have a conversation with him about it afterwards, discussing the content.

This is not even a contentious thing to consider. Read the book.

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_TheLoneRangers t1_iyaa3g1 wrote

I think you have to at least flip through it and notice something. Especially if the book and the work he put into it has popped up in conversation.

But way less pressure since its scientific instead of a novel/story.

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Direct-Appointment57 t1_iyaandk wrote

Not necessarily read all of the book but do try to make it personal for you… ask yourself: as child did you like/dislike any of the species describe on the book? Any relevant memory or share experience (insect related) with your dad? If so then check the index and see his view of them in his work. Then you have an easy and more valuable reference for this issue and your dad work.

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chortlingabacus t1_iyab0g1 wrote

Replying to DeaneTR (#780,165)

How to Talk About Books You Haven't Read, Pierre Bayard.

Having said that, you're probably not going to able to say anything 'valuable' about a particular book if you've not read it--though whether the assigned book merits valuable remarks or even close attention is another matter.

hellosugar7 is right, full stop. And not only is not attempting to at least attentively browse the book in some way dismissive of his/her father but OP would be missing a chance to learn something even when the person who could answer questions about it sitting there in the next room chloroforming & pinning helpless creatures to a board or watching videos of Gunsmoke episodes.

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TheBestMePlausible t1_iyabehx wrote

All authors of scientific books dedicate at least one of their books to their kids. Don’t let it go to your head lol

That said, read as much of it as you can. It’s your dad’s book! Not everyone’s dad has published a book you know.

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stevenriley1 t1_iyabv5v wrote

Yes. Read it. He will be so happy that you made the effort.

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MJIsaac t1_iyacdbs wrote

It would be a very nice thing to at least look at the book and bring that up to your father at some point. But if it's technical book and your father said he doesn't expect you to read it, then there doesn't seem to be a reason to try to finish it cover to cover. Book dedications are usually about recognition of people who are important to the author, they're not really about what's in the book itself.

I would ignore your professors, they're likely just putting themselves in your father's position and telling you to do what they'd want their kids to do.

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marinekai t1_iyacog5 wrote

As a writer, I understand how much it sucks when none of your family will even try to read your books. I don't think it's necessary to read the whole thing, but if you can read enough to have a discussion about it, it will be very encouraging for him.

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BlueMonkOne t1_iyadvlv wrote

How could you even ask this question? I mean, you don't have to read it thoroughly. But fuck yes you need to sit your spoiled ass down and read it.

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leigh094 t1_iyaeqnn wrote

You should at least try. Spend a few hours a couple of nights just kinda skimming, flipping through it. Try and find like 3 things you can say about to him. “Omg I love the name XX it sounds so pretty for a bug” “I didn’t realize X and Y were related/not the same species” “ZZ is an interesting insect”

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[deleted] t1_iyaez33 wrote

Just give it a good browse to appreciate the work your dad put into it. He doesn't expect you to become an academic but it'll be nice if you get a feel for his achievement.

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notmakingtherapture t1_iyahj14 wrote

I don't think you should feel like you have to. He might appreciate it but he'd likely also understand that it's not really a book you would be super interested in. If you wanted to make him happy you could read just the ones about his favorite insects and talk to him about stuff you learned from that part of the book but that's optional.

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DougGlover t1_iyaj1qd wrote

All the people in here like "Of course you need to read it you spoiled brat!" not even taking the time to read the fact that it's literally an entomology dictionary.

Don't listen to the professors or the random internet strangers, listen to the man that matters - your dad! Tell him you are proud of him and thankful for the dedication and leave it at that. Maybe give the dude a hug, dudes need hugs.

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everywhereblair t1_iyajcll wrote

As a former academic who dedicated his esoteric book on Japanese baseball to his kids, I have zero expectations that they will read it.

Sure, maybe you can own a copy, or at the very least page through it and be like, “leaf cutter ants, what a doozy!” But I think it’s more than reasonable that authors — particularly experts in their field — know their audience is like 10 people, and that their child is almost never one of those people.

And if I had a nickel for every time other academics told me to read a book that had absolutely no relevance to my interests, I woulda been the one to buy Twitter at a ridiculous price.

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jxx37 t1_iyajcog wrote

Replying to hellosugar7 (#780,173)

At least read a few Amazon reviews and say what nice things people are saying about it to him. You won’t have to lie that it was your words. Only nice things, the more critical reviews can be ignored.

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NightlyWry t1_iyajkn7 wrote

Get a copy. Have him sign it. Skim through it. Find your favorite bug. :) Also, I want his book. I love bugs!

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Trick-Two497 t1_iyajndz wrote

One thing you could do is to ask your dad to show you the part of the book about his favorite insect (or the part he's most proud of) and then have a discussion with him about why it's his favorite. I think he would be flattered that you cared to ask, and you might learn something.

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Rinoalbering OP t1_iyajwup wrote

Replying to 10-ten-10 (#780,581)

>Can you have a "meta" conversation with him about the book instead?

We did, yeah. I know he doesn't expect me to read it, he told me so. The problem is that literally everyone else seems to think I should anyway.

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Rinoalbering OP t1_iyakb68 wrote

Replying to DougGlover (#782,979)

>Maybe give the dude a hug, dudes need hugs.

We hug a lot more than many dads/sons! He's very fond on demonstrations of love an I got it for him. I never met another dad (or parent in general really) as willing to hug his adult kids. For example, my mom would never hug me for the life of her. And I try pretty often. Rip.

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[deleted] t1_iyanqt3 wrote

I think I might be the only outlier. No hate please! Haha. Pretty much everyone here said “read it for your dad’s sake”. Well, here are my two cents —

  1. He wrote the book because it’s HIS passion. He didn’t write it FOR you. Dedicating a book to near and dear is a mere matter of customary practice. That doesn’t mean you are obligated to read it. Your brain is not an entomologist’s brain like his. Reading an entomology book may not be for your brain. In that case, reading it makes no sense whatsoever. Everything is not cutout for everyone.

  2. Kudos to your dad for writing a book and expressing his consideration for you. You can in turn express your love and admiration for him in other ways. It doesn’t have to be reading his book if you’re not into. Maybe keep a copy as a souvenir and tell him “thank you for the honor of dedicating it to me. I’m going to cherish the gift as a precious keepsake”.

I’m currently building a wellness website that I’m dedicating to my daughters. And no, I’m not expecting them to log in and follow me. So, there you go 😊

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non_avian t1_iyanw98 wrote

I mean, it doesn't sound like a book entomologists even sit down and read, and they're the target audience. Keep a copy, maybe you can look up information about an insect that someone mentions in casual conversation sometime and then tell your dad that you shared wing length with a very confused person

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daiLlafyn t1_iyaqqvk wrote

What u/NightlyWry and u/Trick-Two497 said. This. Very wholesome. This is a really good way of letting him know this means a lot. You can both crack a couple of light-touch gags about reading it cover to cover - or not... And if you don't have a favourite insect, ask him to find the bit in the book that describes his. Or ask him to share his favourite bit in the book. There are ways of sharing your appreciation that don't involve pushing your way through a book you aren't going to enjoy - and he'd never want that.

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SpaceRoxy t1_iyasog2 wrote

Replying to AlunWeaver (#780,103)

Yea, and definitely express gratitude for the dedication, that's awesome.

Maybe ask dad if he can tell OP more about how this might get used by researchers or if he has any more anecdotal stories about doing the research since it's a collection of data that's important to his field.

As someone who has a parent in a very technical research role, I've seen a lot of this kind of work and it's important to interact about it sometimes even if it's not something you can really interact with unless you have a deep expertise.

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twee_centen t1_iyavh88 wrote

I mean, you clearly don't want to. So I would read the dedication, and go "aw, thanks Dad" and leave it at that. You don't really need anyone else's permission to not do a thing you don't want to do.

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Frankielovestacos t1_iyb3uey wrote

Ask yourself this. If you wrote a book would your dad read it? Cause I know mine would and he'd be proud and try to understand the topic even if he knew nothing about it.

It costs nothing bit a little of your time. So what if its not your cup of tea? You don't have to memorize it all or anything.

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DiscoMonkeyz t1_iyb4mby wrote

He cares about you, just show you care about him. You don't have to go learn entomology, but find some way to say thank you. That's all I'd want. I wouldn't care if you went and read my super niche science book. But I'd love it if you posted it on social media. I'd be just as happy if you gave me a hug.

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anywheregoing t1_iyci9ux wrote

Of course you should read it, even if he didn't dedicate it to you

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Alanfolstein t1_iydr4uy wrote

You might consider browsing through it, but not read it cover to cover

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