That sounds pretty interesting — I recently noticed in a conversation between a friend of mine and her mother that despite the seemingly harmless contents of the conversation as I heard it, the emotional toll it took on my friend made it apparent that there was an absurdly complex mess of a situation going on just below the surface. When the conversation was brought up after the fact, my friend assumed the aforementioned chaos was self-evident to everyone other than herself and her mother, when on the surface it just appeared as though a normal conversation was making her uncomfortable.

I feel that especially in close relationships, we'll sort of dig each other into a "language pit" which makes it absurdly difficult for either party to leverage external input, because everything is coded, and then externally established resolutions only make sense in the context of what amount of code has been translated in the presentation of the problem, which is never 100% otherwise there'd be no communication issues to begin with — so what's brought back into the pit as a cherry pie for peace gets received as a maggot-infested something-else, and on goes the cycle of miscommunication.