Recently I read The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls and my partner read Educated by Tara Westover. Really liking both books and noticing their similarities in describing them to each other, we each read the other as well in the last few months, which generated really interesting comparisons and discussion.

Both books are memoirs by women growing up around 70s-90s, and their unusual upbringings. Central to both stories are the enormous presences of their fathers, who are so different that they're on complete ends of some imaginary spectrum, except the spectrum is a circle and they're actually the same person. Both men have a deep-seated fear of the government, reject public schooling/education, are suspicious of modern healthcare, struggle to maintain jobs that meet their families' needs, and skillfully manipulate their wives (who in turn enable it to varying degrees) and children. Undiagnosed/untreated mental health issues abound.

However their fathers are also complete opposites: Westover's father is a man of the land, rooted in rural Idaho where he runs a struggling scrapyard. He's a deeply religious Mormon fanatic who shuns vice-filled modern society, instead preparing his family of nine for the end of times, which he repeatedly claims is just around the corner despite passing deadlines. Walls's father is a fervently anti-religious, charismatic, intelligent, transient alcoholic with little control of his vices, making ends meet (when he can) through a combination of odd jobs and means of dubious integrity for a few weeks or months at a time, bouncing around from one depressed rural town to the next, haphazardly bringing his family of six with him. When the Walls children are young, every move is "an adventure," however as they grow they begin to see past the smoke and mirrors.

Against all odds, both women overcame the combination of neglect, abuse, and lack of formal education of their childhoods to go on to get one or more university degrees and become accomplished authors. The experience of reading books often involved one of us coming to the other going, "I just got to xyz part, HOLY SHIT, WTF?! How are they living like this?!?!"

Lots of interesting questions resulted:

• Of the two fathers, who's the bigger POS?
• Who has the most redeeming qualities?
• Which of the fathers would you prefer to have as your father if you had to choose?
• Same questions for the mothers. Additionally to what extent are the mothers trapped in their situations or enable their situations or both?
• Where do all of the other siblings fit in to supporting or rebelling against their parents' manipulations?
• Additionally, how much of each author's subsequent strength and independence was an intended outcome or an unintended consequence of their respective upbringing?
• To what extent is each author currently successful as a result of their upbringing or despite it?
• Now that the authors are successful and functioning adults, how and when and how much forgiveness does each parent deserve?

Highly recommend reading them both together!