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manshamer t1_jabawyn wrote

To me, it's clunky and there are a handful of errors that affect flow and sentence structure (assuming the other poster transcribed correctly). Also, the use of 3rd person present tense is most common in YA. Of course this is just the first two paragraphs and personally I bet I could get used to it quickly.

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Starlit-Sage OP t1_jaekkhy wrote

Ahh okay, I can see that. It's actually in first person, from Miri's perspective, but there isn't a chance for "I" yet because she's describing what Leah is saying and doing here at the beginning. Alternating chapters are from Leah's perspective in the submarine.

I don't have my copy next to me, but I think the first line is italicized and it's supposed to be something Leah just said.... I think "unstill" is also italicized to show that it's the word Leah says.

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