"So, what are we doing here? Really?" Zeus asked the group around the table.

"I believe we were about to say who gives a damn and drink!" Thor thundered from beside his father.

"Hear, hear!" Dionysus said as he took a sip from his goblet. Someone was already pre-gaming.

"I'm just going to go home and get ready for my nightly bout with Apophis. Bastard won't give up after all these years," Ra said lazily.

As Zeus went to slam his gavel on the table, the doors to the conference room burst open. In walked a winged man, equal parts beautiful and terrifying. His wingspan was easily the length of three cars. His left wing was black as night, while his right wing was white as snow.

"Hello, friends. I'm sorry I'm late," the winged man said.

"And who the fuck are you?" Odin said as he stood with a start.

"My given name is Samael, though I prefer the name Lucifer. Lucifer Morningstar. Humans have taken to calling me that over the years, and it feels quite nice."

"Lucifer! What business have you here!?" Zeus bellowed from the head of the table.

"I've heard we're giving my father a performance review. I've come to weigh in."

"Your father?" Odin asked cautiously.

"Yes. I know you're all gods, but he goes by just God. Yahweh, some call him. Allah, others call him. Some lunatics think a man named Jesus was his embodiment, the poor saps. I just know him as dear old dad. And I'm one of his creations, an archangel. Well, I was an archangel. It's debatable as to if I still am or not." The angel conjured a chair at the end opposite Zeus and sat.

"Lucifer... why does that name sound so familiar?" Ares pondered aloud. The god of war got a furrowed look on his brow before he snapped his fingers and pointed. "You're Satan! The Lord of Christian Hell!"

"Don't limit me so much. I'm the Lord of Hell. Period. If a soul dies, it comes to me if it doesn't belong to one of you lot. Which judging by business over the last several thousand years, most souls come to me."

"They used to come to me," said Hades in a morose tone.

"Don't be so down on yourself! A lot of my inspiration comes from you!" Lucifer exclaimed.

"Really?" Hades said as he brightened up a tad.

"No, I think I might actually predate your popularity a little. Again, it's debatable. I was just trying to be nice." Hades pouted.

"What brings you here, Lucifer Morningstar?" Zeus asked as he lowered his gavel back down on the table and resumed his seat.

"To talk about dear old dad, of course! What do you want to know about the old fucker? I just heard we were discussing him and had to come, but ask me any questions. I'm an open book."

"We were meeting to decide whether or not to invite him into our joint pantheon. But to do that, we must know his true intentions first. Is he truly good as he says he is?" Zeus asked.

"Is my dad truly good? Let me ask you something, is anyone you know that is willing to flood the entire planet outside of a single ship a good person? I mean, that's happened multiple times throughout history. Were any of those gods truly good?" Lucifer leaned back with a laugh. "I don't think so."

"Did you know that my father once killed forty-two boys with two bears?" Lucifer asked. "Just two. Had them maul all the kids to death."

"He sentenced children to death?" Odin cried. "That is not the sign of a just god."

"He ordered one of his main boys, Abraham, to kill his own children. And the psycho almost did it! That's the kind of loyalty my father inspires. Or is it fear? I don't know, honestly. I've never understood the devout loyalty to the old man."

"He would have family turn on family?" Poseidon asked.

"As if your kind has had any problem with that," spat Isis.

"This is not a trial of my family, witch," hissed Poseidon.

"Hey, hey, everybody," Lucifer said in a calming tone. "Let's all just calm down. We don't want to turn on each other, right? We're just talking about my dad. Who else wants to hear a story? Oh, did you know he once killed the firstborn of every single family in Egypt? Think about all the babies. Their lives just," he made a snap with his fingers, "gone. In an instant. Well, not in an instant. He made it a slow affair. Dad always had a flair for the dramatic."

"Why are you telling us all of these things, winged angel?" Thor asked. "I would never turn on Odin."

"Nor I on Zeus," said Aphrodite, who had been uncharacteristically quiet up until this point.

"Are you Aphrodite? Oh, love. I'd love to get to know you more intimately." Aphrodite blushed, but Lucifer carried on. "Were you expecting me to come in here and sing my father's praises? No, my dad's a fucking dick. I'm here to cement your idea about not letting him join. It is quite possible that he's more powerful than you all, though."

"Impossible," said Zeus.

"None are more powerful than me," said Ra.

"I am the All-father!" yelled Odin.

"And I am Lucifer Morningstar," the angel said in a threatening tone. He stood up and flapped his wings, and the lights flickered. His eyes glowed white as he said, "And I challenge any of you to step up to me."

All three of the gods who had previously spoken up tried to stand but couldn't. They were stuck. Their leg muscles simply weren't responding to them. Their arms all went limp beside them. They went to speak, but their mouths disappeared from their faces. They were limp, silent bodies. The other gods looked on in horror as they stared back at Lucifer.

"See?" he said calmly as he sat back down in his chair. The gods' mouths returned, and their arms seemed to work again. Odin and Zeus both stood up to check that their legs now worked. Ra just looked at Lucifer cautiously. He examined him and took him all in. He knew something wasn't right about the angel, but he couldn't place his finger on what.

"You dare challenge me!" Zeus proclaimed, summoning a lightning bolt to his hand.

"Sit, Zeus," Ra said calmly.

"Who are you to tell me what to do!?" Zeus bellowed.

"I say this as your friend, Zeus. Sit. That was merely a fraction of Lucifer's power. Am I correct, Lucifer?" Lucifer smiled.

"You are correct, Ra. But don't feel bad, gents. Many would say I'm more powerful than even my father. He simply created me with a flaw that only he can exploit. Old bastard that he is, he did have foresight. But I do believe him to be more powerful than you lot, so I would tread carefully. Don't label him negatively. Just don't label him at all. Leave him be, and he will leave you be. He's worshipped and adored by billions. As long as you don't make a slight against him, he has no reason to turn his ire toward you."

"How did you become so powerful?" Zeus asked as he dismissed the lightning bolt and collapsed in his seat.

"We scale off of how many people believe in us, you see. Four thousand years ago, we were weaker than everyone at this table. But now? Now we're among the most powerful beings in the cosmos."

"Huh. Who'd have thunk of that?"

"It was quite a brilliant design by whoever made my dad. And I assume all of you, as well. We all had to come from somewhere, right?" There was a murmur of agreement around the table. "Now, before I came in, I heard someone say something about drinks. I love a good mead, and I've heard Asgardian Mead is unbelievable. Shall we go back to your place, Odin?"

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