My best friend is totally dysfunctional. I got her out of the pokey for the fifth time since November. She didn't give me the money for the rent she owes. Her side of the room is gross. Clothing strewn everywhere. Her bowl and pipe stink up the living room. She needs to go.

I tried to drive her out of the house with the phoney ghost but it turns out she likes ghosts. That weirdo medium she brought in didn't improve things. Horrible person.

I tried being up front but she was high. Interpreted everything like I love her. Perplexing and cumbersome miscues led her to set me up with her boss. Mildred. Yikes. For both of us.

I tried tidying up her mess. She just smiled and complimented the lovely smell in the house. Never even considered why it smelled so good.

So over this chick and her creepy friends and her disturbing music and her slovenly grossness. Done.

She will be home in ten minutes. She will light up in fifteen. No one will detect the poison I put in her weed. I will not be suspect. Her supplier will.

I already posted for a non-deficient roomie. The interview will be more rigorous this time.