Part 1 of 2 - Tomas & St Peter

"It was close since you never accepted Jesus as your Lord and savior, but you lived well and did little intentional harm. You helped your neighbors and were a productive worker helping your community. I can't judge you as a parent, but welcome to Heaven." St Peter said in a surprisingly animated voice.

Tomas was surprised St Peter cared so much. After however many billion souls, he'd probably just hand everybody a card to read. But that was just his idle thoughts, instead he was focused on getting into Heaven. For an atheist, that was an unexpected accomplishment.

"So, is it like the Christians said? Eternal happiness, everything you could want?"

"Yes, it is a place of peace and harmony without suffering."

Tomas clapped his hands in excitement. If he could just eat decent food, watch good shows, visit cool places, and smoke a little weed with his friends while they did it, "This is what I always dreamed of. Life is suffering enough so we might as well make it as good as possible. But since this is the afterlife y'all did it even better."

"It is as Yahweh promised, He rewards those who honor him in deed and act during the course of their lives. Meanwhile, Hell is quite like Earth without His mercy, but worse for those who bring light are shpeherded here."

Tomas nodded, he'd never act on the thought, but the world would be better off if some people had a fortunate accident. "Yep, that's why we never could make things good. Some opportunist always saw an opportunity off the brilliance and good intentions of others."

St. Peter nodded sagely, "And do you have any questions before you go?" With a flick of his wrist, the pearly gates manifested, but did not open.

Tomas almost shook his head, but decided to make sure. It was one of those questions that'd caused him to turn atheist in the first place. "So if heaven is a place of serenity and Hell is that of suffering, and it's likely at least one of my friends will get sent to Hell, how can I be serene knowing my friend is in pain?"

Either they inended to wipe his personality, his memories, or it was not in fact so perfect a place. No other explanation made sense.

"Serenity is being present in the moment. Beyond the gates is a place of such Grace, you couldn't possibly worry about that which is lost."

"Them." Tomas said reflexively. Then got annoyed and anxious, correcting St Peter seemed foolish, but it reminded him of what Megan went thru before she could pass. 'And slavery' he thought after.

"As I recall, them is for a group of people, not Hellspawn." St Peter said sharply before continuing as before, "But I didn't mean to upset you. Actually, if you look at the texts, the Lord doesn't express his opinion either way. You people made it a sin all on your own."

"Well what you said about LGB people didn't help."

St Peter chuckled, "I'm used to having this argument with atheists I send to Hell, but not ones that are approved on merit. But no matter, have you managed to translate the Dead Sea Scrolls properly? No. And that's what the Lord had to say about that."

Tomas noticed that St Peter didn't actually specify God's opinion. 'Maybe it was like trans people?' But he decided not to press the issue. Instead choosing to ask about entertainment, "So, do you just have the movies and games made to now or do you have the ones that'll be made in the future.

"Uhmmm.... noooo." St Peter said slowly but not sarcastically. It was like he found the question itself confusing.

"I mean, can I play some videogame made in 2045 now or do I have to wait 22yrs?"

"I thought I explained this when you asked about your friends."

'Friends?' Tomas thought, he wasn't surprised, but it hurt to hear he'd lose more than one. "Nope, we definitely didn't cover future stuff."

"I mean, why would you need movies and games from the living when you are serene?"

Tomas laughed nervously, this was starting to sound like it'd get boring before eternity. "Then y'all must have some fire."

"Fire and brimstone is Hell's thing." St Peter joked.

"But seriously, what is perfect weed like? If I'm going to be serene without ente-"

"There are no drugs in Heaven. You won't ever have the need or desire for caffeine, cannabis, tobacco, sugar, or any other mortal vice."

Tomas stared. St Peter seemed expectant, as if he would be excited to never do drugs or finally play Half Life 3. Tomas stared so St Peter cleared his throat and continued, "You will be free of that. What do you say. Are you ready to be at peace?"

"So, did you say Hell was basically Earth 2.0 instead of torture and red horned sadists?"

"Naturally, how would he tempt the corruptable if he made it awful? There's suffering and pain, but he finds way to make a poor parody of the Lord's mercy."

"And what is this Lord's mercy you keep saying?"

"It is freedom from pain and the gift of boundless love and joy."

"While my friend's get high, go to cool places, and play games that don't even exist yet? Honestly, I think you got the wrong guy. Send me there."

"Excelle..." his enthusiastic words trailed off and his fingers ready to snap merely twitched. "You mean there?" he asked gesturing to the gates.

Tomas shook his head, "You know which I meant."

"You cannot be serious, nobody chooses to go there. Only the damned go there."

"Damn it all to Hell, You damned well better not send me thru that damned gate. Please send me to where I can at least have fun."

"But why?"

"I don't really believe propaganda. Well... I probably did, but not that obvious shit like Hell is pure evil and Satan tempts for pure evil."

"He does. When the Lord and he worked together, there was perfect serenity. Such total harmony, but then there was the big fight and they left so explosively. It was his greed and avarice, his opportunism as you put it. He is the cause of suffering. Why does God not pay taxes for his mistake? Because he is focused on sorting and reuniting to end the suffering altogher!" St Peter kept talking faster and louder until he was shouting.

"Woah, woah, it's alright. But you can't be so cruel as to condemn me to an eternity I do not want."

"You are but a child before his wisdom. Children do not make decisions as important as these. So come along."

St Peter stood up and walked to the right side of the gate, just before the marble steps. When he turned around, Tomas hadn't moved. And he didn't to, Tomas was going to treat this guy like the peacekeeper he was. "I do not consent."

"Like I said, this is not your decision to make so come here." St Peter commanded in a way that demanded instant obedience.

It reminded him of his second grade teacher, and he hated her too. "I don't mean to pull a Karen, but you might as well check with your supervisor. If you do it, you're basically abducting me, didn't Deuteronomy have something about that."

"Dead Sea Scrolls, I already told you, that doesn't have Deuteronomy." St Peter put his hand hand over his face and groaned. "You realize who my suoervisor is right? You seriously intend to be this trounlesome?"

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