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"So, what's the big idea?"

I snapped out of my star-filled stupor enough to recognize that Speedster, the actual Speedster, was talking to me.

"Uh, holy shit. Sorry. But, uh, what do you mean?"

"This is your package, yeah?"

I double check the address, and the name. Sure enough, it's my package. "Uh, yeah."

"And you made this order at 11:55pm?"

Weird line of questioning, but whatever. "I only made it a few minutes ago, yeah."

"And you requested same-day delivery?"

This is kinda weird. Is he mad? "Yeah, came free with the purchase."

"So... what's the big idea?!"

Oh, he is mad. Why is he mad? "I...needed this package?"

"You needed this package? You needed it enough to send some boys from out-of-state to deliver it? In five minutes?!"

I chew on the words for a moment. Does he...think I expected this package tonight? Did the delivery guys think so?

"What, got nothing to say for yourself?

Surely not. Surely this is just a misunderstanding. "Look, I don't know if I've said something to offend you, Speedster, sir. I just..."

"You've offended me by expecting a delivery in five minutes across state lines! You've...!"

Speedster carries on for a few moments, but brain tunes him out as I make a horrible connection. I don't want to believe it. And maybe it's not completely true. Maybe this is just a weak point; after all it is two past midnight and the Speedster is only human... presumably. But still, a seed of a question is planted, perhaps ruining the visage of my favorite super hero ever:

Is Speedster actually an idiot?

I hold up a hand to stop Speedster, interrupting. "Sorry, Speedster. I think I see what's going on now. You've assumed, I'm guessing, that I was expecting this package tonight, as in, before midnight. And, I'm thankful to you for doing so, it is a big help. But that's not the case. I was expecting this by the end of day tomorrow. Er, today. Whatever. I wanted this package expedited, but I know how this stuff generally works. I'm not an idiot, I know it's a long way from the shop to here."

The Speedster looked flummoxed for a moment, before looking stoically embarrassed. "Well...it's still a trip those poor workers have to take. They don't get paid nearly enough for something like that!"

"Then it sounds like you're talking to the wrong guy. I'd be more than willing to pay extra if it meant the delivery folks got paid better, and before you said something, I assumed they were paid well."

Speedster seemed to open his mouth to say something, before closing it in embarrassment.

"Listen, I'm not about to say anything about our conversation. I don't need that in my life, and honestly, I'm a huge fan. I just would like to ask for one small favor..."

Speedster looked me over, before giving a sigh. "And what might that be?"

"Could I get a selfie? No one will ever believe that I met the Speedster if I didn't!"

Well, they say never meet your heroes, but it sure is fun seeing other folks meet theirs.

> Is Speedster actually an idiot?

Takes one to know one

its not their fault i have to remember that their brains work slower they can't just run and let the world fall away behind them as their minds expand to take it all in everything is just so goddamn slow slow SLOW so I run I could outpace lightning like this but I have to keep things sensible because I can't go around running back in time and causing paradoxes so i just work freelance for anyone who needs a hero because i need this to stay sane they wrapped up the package real good like I asked them to before I agreed to help them with this which is good because im not giving the asshole who ordered sameday delivery at five minutes to midnight any more excuses to make their lives more complicated I fastball it right over the fence at one minute to midnight and it sets his lawn on fire an extra good deed for him free of charge because those things are ecological catastrophes

The knock on the door rattled the pictures on the wall.

"You really gotta knock that hard, Miss?" The frazzled delivery driver next to me spoke for the first time since we'd left Colorado.

"YES."

With that, the door swung open.

"What's all the racket?" A middle aged man in a t-shirt and boxers asked.

"Are you Don Harlan?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Well I'm the SONIC BOOM!" I tossed my cape with a dramatic flourish.

"What are you doing here?" Don asked.

"This isn't about me. See this guy?" I gestured to the driver. "This is Macario. He's got shit to do. His wife just had twins. When you order packages like this five minutes before midnight --"

Don interrupted. "I wasn't expecting him to actually deliver the package tonight! I made it impossible so the company would have to refund my shipping!" He laughed.

Macario's face hardened.

"Look, man. Macario's parents own this company. There's a real Jesus Gonzalez behind Jesus Gonzalez Trucking. Refunding shipping costs to goddamn eastern Nebraska is not cheap, and it takes a real financial toll on this guy's family."

"Not my problem. They can change their policy if they don't want me doing that."

"¿Bueno? ¡Papá! Lo siento que es medianoche..." Macario was already on his phone.

"It's 23:58," I said as I handed him the package.

"Well I'm not taking it now!" Don whined. "I can't afford the package and the shipping!"

"Too bad." With super speed, I pushed past him and grabbed a copy of the footage from his doorbell camera.

"Wait! Where'd she go?!"

"Right here," I said as I breezed by him again.

"...muchas gracias." With that, Macario hung up the phone.

He turned to Don. "The policy has been changed. Shipping refunds for same day delivery are available in the Denver area only."

Don unleashed a barrage of verbal abuse on Macario and me that turned the air blue.

"Hey Mac, you really wanna listen to this?"

"Nope."

"Stay right here! You have some nerve, thinking you get to decide when this conversation is over!"

Without another word, I hoisted Macario onto my back and ran west, back toward home and the babies.