“Now, I had accounting run the numbers. If we take…let’s call it a round four hundred years of late payments, tack on our standard interest rate of 5%—you’re lucky, rates are at an all-time low right now—and add on the cost of the platinum-tier package, you’re looking at a grand total of, 4,000,000 sacrifices due. No. That’s wrong. Sorry about that.”

The room visibly breathed a sigh of relief.

“No. Silly me. It’s 4,200,000,” said Plato shaking his head and laughing. “I nearly forgot the interest—hey you’re just lucky we don’t do compound interest!”

Now it was the Russian PM’s turn to be flabbergasted along with the rest of the delegation.

“Why, that’s a genocide!” Cried the British PM.

“That’s unconscionable!” Shouted the German Chancellor.

“We won’t do it!” Said the Japanese PM.

“Well now…” said the U.S. President. “Let’s not be rash. Say, Mr. Plato. Have you got some sort of a payment plan you can hook us up with?”

“I’m glad you asked,” said Plato as he switched to the next slide. “You May sacrifice these people over the next 3 years. Although, your recurring membership fee will continue to accrue.”

The delegation considered this.

The Canadian PM finally spoke up. “And what form do these sacrifices have to take? The historical view of these things is barbaric.”

“Ha. Yeah, back in the old days, we at GloboCorp had a flare for the dramatic. The bloodier the better,” said Plato with an apologetic smile. “Now all we care about is cold, hard, death. As long as you agree to pay the lives we demand, we can get creative about how we strike them down. Hell, one time in Egypt—back when you all were still paying now and then—we ran a test run of like 10 methods of plague to collect your bills. There are still a few planets to this day that pay in locust plagues!”

The delegation considered this offer. They weighed the pros and cons heavily. Most options appeared to too heavily impact one nation over another. They considered ignoring the upgrade altogether, but that wouldn’t do. If not remedied, Earth would be in an all out war with far more casualties than the payment demanded.

An agreement was struck.

As the delegation finished signing the paperwork, Plato thanked them for their business. But had one final question. “Oh! I nearly forgot. What will we call this plague you’ve chosen?”

The delegates looked left and right and said together, “COVID-42.”

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this, please check out my other stories at r/InMyLife42Archive