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Zestyclose-Leader926 t1_j4xmx3h wrote

Any minute now we're going to be ambushed. Then old Johan here would die heroically. Part of me wished I wasn't a girl this time around. He was always more fatherly when I was female. I had been through this song and dance so many times. Honestly at this point I was just feigning incompetence. Johan deserved that. Last we went through all of this I fought at my true best. The poor guy stilled and died.

I've decided to try something new. Something I know Johan wouldn't approve. It might mean his sacrifice was in vain.

Johan screams. I jump up because Honestly I'm probably going to die if I don't go through the futile motion of helping him. I destroyed enough of the evil emperor's lackeys that I wondered if there is a child somewhere that is vowing revenge right now. Let the little bugger come. It's one of the only interesting things that come from these cycles at this point. Because at least that changes from time to time in this cycle. I get to Johan and sure enough he's choking on his own blood. I've done this so many times that sight is no longer shocking. I bend down and pull out the bandage I have saved for this moment and try to stop the bleeding.

"You need to promise me." Johan grabs my wrist.

I look at him with what I hope is a brave face. But deep down I know it isn't. I've given up. I'm just tired. I just can't do these cycles anymore.

It was a nice feeling when I set up shop. I considered getting married but decided against it. Whatever, was keeping me trapped in this cycle would probably just use such a decision against me. Besides I didn't have anyone in mind, the only reason would be to spite the princess or was she a prince this time. I was paying as little attention as possible lest she find me.

The first year after I set up shop I heard that the princess had been captured. I pretended to think this was bad news. Sure she was a good leader but she made a terrible spouse. And let her walk all over me. I was pretty sure the magic that kept me trapped in this cycle made me fall in love with her. The princess for her part wasn't built for monogamy but pretended she wanted to for the prestige of marrying the chosen one. I read her journal once I realized that she was always on the lookout for another lover. I know, jerk move; but she kept marrying me and then doing every man she laid eyes on... I wanted to know what I was doing wrong… I just wished she’d commit or not commit.

As I reveled in the smell of yeast, the door of my bakery was flung open. I glowered at the all too familiar form who was currently tracking snow into my reputable establishment.

"Close the door." I snapped. "You're letting the cold air in."

"Don't you know who I am?" The Emperor said in his most menacing voice as he closed the door.

"His imperial majesty emperor Herbert. What can-"

"It's Egbert this time." His jaw clicked shut.

"This time?"

"Nothing, you misunderstood."

"Oh, I don't think I did."

"Fine. Every time you defeat me I'm reborn. And do this song and dance because-" I feel the magic snapping around him preventing him from saying what he really wants to say. His shoulders stiffen and in a voice that doesn’t sound quite right said, "I like power. I want to see you squirm."

I walked up to him. "You're here to kill me or make me kill you?" Before he can stop me I pull a strand of his hair from off his head.

"I'm going to kill you!" His eyes are just ever so slightly too bright.

"I'm sure you are but I have a contingency plan." I turned around. If he stabs me in the back so what?

He doesn't stab me though. "I can't wait to see it." He smiles coldly. “Seeing you fail completely will-”

"Please." The word uneven and desperate. And I can't help but wonder if he knows that I want to give up this game.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's going to be alright." Not exactly a promise but it does the trick. Johan relaxes for one strangely beautiful moment. He looks as though his cares are gone. I twinge of guilt because he believes I'm going to do my job as the chosen one. But I can't. I won't.

And then the lights leave his eyes. It reminds me why I'm quitting. It hurts, and the cycle just restarts itself over and over and over. Nothing changes.

I shake myself. I can and I will change this. I gather up all of the money and supplies. I make way to some town that has never played any role in any of my lives. I managed to buy myself an apprenticeship with a baker. My favorite lives were always the ones where I grew up in a bakery.

During my first year as an apprentice I'll admit I was jumpy. Part of me was convince that Johan was going to crawl out of his shallow grave and tell me how disappointed he was with me. My apprenticeship went smoothly and the only really exciting things that happened were the occasions the emperor conquered the odd territory, committed this atrocity blah, blah, blah. I was just numb it at this point. All that mattered what I was going to do if anyone from the cycle showed up to put me back on track. So I made a plan for each scenario. I wasn’t proud of some of them.

I pulled out the potion I had made just for this occasion out from under the counter and put the hair in it. "Bottoms up."

"Wait what are you doing?" Then he grabs his head as though in pain. Not the reaction I’d have now that I’ve handed him a complete victory.

As potion spread through me, life now has meaning again. Intellectually I know this was the most twisted and bizarre solution I could’ve come up with. But it made me feel better. I no longer care that Johan would be broken-hearted if he knew what I had done. The best part was this couldn't be undone.

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Zestyclose-Leader926 t1_j4xmz4i wrote

Part 2

I had made this potion with intent to destroy my old self. No one had made me. I smiled at Egbert then frowned; he was in pain. I rushed back over to him. "Egbert, what's wrong?"

Egbert mumbled his eyes scrunched up in pain then his face relaxed. He opened his now glassy eyes. "You. Freed me?"

"What? I just-" I paused, how do you explain that you took a love potion on purpose. Since it was without duress I still had my senses but I also couldn't undo it. Not that I wanted to.

"Oh no." He sat up. I’d never seen such gentleness in his face before. "I'm so sorry." Egbert put his hand on my face. I leaned into it.

I let the moment wash over me. I didn't know why he was sorry. I expected him to sneer at me. I didn't really care. This was better than my original plain of dying of a broken heart.

"What do you want?"

"You." I didn’t dare hope.

Egbert looked as though he was going to cry. "Besides that?"

"To make you happy."

A tear fell from Egbert's eyes. "Do you have another one of those potions?"

"No?" Was he hoping that I’d help him catch who he really wanted? I wasn’t sure that my love for him was selfless enough.

"Could you make another one?"

"Why?" I asked, jealousy biting at me. I pulled away. I guess I wasn’t selfless enough to help Egbert be with the person he truly desired. I needed him to know that all I wanted was for him to love me back. Me and me alone. I knew it was selfish.

"To marry you." He grabbed my hands.

“You don’t need a potion to marry me.”

“But I do. It’s not fair to you. You deserve better.” If it weren’t for the love potion I might have thought he was in love with me.

“You don’t have to pretend to love me.” It hurt me to say it.

Anise.”

"Marry me, Anise."

"What?"

"Marry me. I'll take a potion too. I will give you the same devotion you've given me. Then we will go from there."

I kissed him. It was better than any of Irena's kisses had ever been. In those only I had meant it. Here he meant it too. At least hoped he did.

“Is that what Irena does?”

"Is that her name this time?" I laughed. It was a strange relief to know that I still hated her.

"Have you been avoiding her?" He looked overjoyed.

"Maybe. I just wanted it to stop. The whole ‘chosen one’ garbage, I can’t." I shook my head. "I figured this would be better."

“What is your name this time?”

He took me to his castle. He put a halt on his campaign. I insisted that he wait till our wedding night to drink a love potion. I wanted him to be sure that he wanted to do this. He set me up in a lavish suite. He got me any potion ingredients that I wanted. And made it so that I could do whatever I wanted in the royal kitchens. Empress Anise had a nice ring to it.

"Hey." I felt a hand shake me awake. I looked up and saw Irena loom over me. "Come on." She said, "I'm going to get you out of here."
"Whats going on?" I put my most vulnerable voice on.
"We don't have time for this." I had never noticed just how cold and calculating her voice really was.
"But I don't understand." I sat up and shrank back.
"Fine." She shoved a vial of something under my nose. "This counteract whatever he's done to you."
One sniff told me everything I needed to know. I smiled right before I stabbed her.
"What? That should've worked."
"It should've." I agreed. "But these past few lives I've begun to question some things."
A weird expression passed over her face before she gave me a pleading smile. "Lives, what are you talking about?"
"Why did you give me a love potion in aerosol form?"
"Don't be ridiculous. It was an antidote.” That was a half truth. “Look, whatever he's done to you we can fix this."
"He hasn't done anything to me. And don't bother pretending to be attracted to me. We both know you prefer men." I wasn’t entirely sure if that was true but she'd only ever cheated on me with men. Even on the rare occasions where she was born a man.
"Ash," She pleaded. "Please, he's done something to you."
I tossed a bandage at her. It wouldn’t do for her to bleed out before my revenge was complete. "My name is Anise."
"I meant Anise."
"No you didn't. Because, I asked Egbert not to tell anyone my name yet. Cloak me in mystery and bring you right to me."
"But you're the-"
"The chosen one? Yeah, I decided it was high time to choose. I chose to be empress Anise consort of Egbert."
"This isn't you."
"Guards!" I grinned and this felt good. "It is now."
The guards rushed in.
"Seize her."
Normal Irena would've given more of a fight. But she'd lost to much blood. I located the truth potion. As the guards held her on either side I forced a dram of it in her mouth. Naturally she tried to spit it out.
"Do you remember our former lives?" I asked
"Yes." She hissed.
"Do you know why they keep happening?"
"Because I deserve power! I picked you! I made you ! I-"
"I've heard enough. Take her away. And inform the emperor."
"You'd be nothing without me!” She screamed.
"Bye!" I waved. "Make sure she receives medical treatment. I want to send her a piece of my wedding cake."
Unfortunately, I was never able to send her a slice of cake. Irena died trying to escape. I knew all of her tricks and she still thought trying to escape was a good idea.
My wedding was perfect. It would've been perfect anywhere. I was irrevocably under a love potion afterall.
Egbert took a strand of my hair. "Before I drink this. I want you to know I love you. I always have. I don't know if this matters to you anymore. But before Irena's curse never took us. I was devoted to you." He drank. "And now I always will be."
"I wasn't in love with you before." Guilt made me say.
"I know. I never expected you to love me. Even when the curse filled me with bloodlust I wanted your love."
"You have it."
"I wish I'd earned it. You deserved that."
"But you did earn it."
"I didn't but it's nice of you to say so."

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