Vlad popped a cigarette in his mouth. At least this world had them, the last two worlds hadn’t.

“So…you want me to save you guys from the demon king?” He asked.

“Devil king…” the villager said.

“Devil king, demon king, lord of fire, lord of damnation, the dark one, bringer of sorrow, I don’t give a shit anymore.”

“But sir…you’re the only one str-“

“I’m retired. This is the 6th goddamned time I’ve died and been to some stupid world with some stupidly named villain that only I can kill because I got some stupid video game power based on [insert copyright free title here]. I’m sick of this shit, I’m going to go pillage for awhile.”

“P-pillage?” The villager asked, beginning to tremble.

Vlad smirked. “Yeah, pillage. I have the Sword of Heroes, the Shield of Kings, the Ring of [Word other than power, but is definitely the ring of power], the Jock Strap of Biggus Dickus, The Chicago Jordan Air Ones that Michael Jordan wore, and this cool eyepatch. I’m taking over your stupid world, so good luck, buddy. I’d go take your family and get as far from here as possible, cause I’m burning this place as soon as I get back from the beach.”

The villager turned and ran. Vlad, on the other hand, spent a relaxing week at the beach, where the devil king showed up to attack him, but was cut down in a single swipe. Vlad, on other hand, died of a heart attack and was reincarnated into a seventh world, and then an eighth. Every single time that he set out to pillage the worlds, he accidentally saved them and then died. Eventually, he had saved every world and had the chance to meet the one responsible for all his resurrections.

Decked head to toe in legendary drip from all his resurrections and looking suspiciously like a pimp, along with a caravan that permanently followed him around to carry around the stuff he couldn’t fit on, he spoke up.

“Who are you?” He asked.

“I am Doiahbrhcuushjqkodjhhrgwh, but you may call me Jud,” the figure responded.

“Okay, Jud…but I meant…what do you do?”

“I am in charge of resurrections and world saving, Vlad. You have brought universal peace and I wanted to thank you.”

Vlad blinked, “Oh, uh…you’re welcome?”

“There isn’t anywhere to resurrect you to, anymore, I’m afraid. We’re shutting down business, but I wanted to give you any item you wanted and send you to any world you wanted. The universe owes you.”

“To be honest, Jud, I’m kinda tired. I think I’d like to just go to sleep. I’m ready to accept my death. I’ve seen and done everything. Can you let me have that?”

Jud smiled, emanating warmth. “Yeah, Vlad. I think you earned it. Do you have any affairs to set in order?”

Vlad shook his head. “I’m ready now.”

And everything went black for a moment.

A voice rang out in the darkness: “Congratulations, you’ve unlocked the necklace of zombie! With it, you’re brought back from the dead. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to the kill the demonic devil king of shadows, darkness, and eternal hellfire!”

Vlad opened his eyes and swore, “Jud, you son of a bitch!”