"I'm so sick of working under this asshole. Every day dealing with the same freaking crap left over from the day before. Why can we never seem to catch up on this work load? The stress is too much! I can't keep it together."

"You have to keep it together, Tony. We're a rectum. That's literally our one job."

"You know back in the mitosis days, I thought I'd be somebody. I remember when we first formed the cavity, thinking this is it, we're making a mouth. Then the freaking stem cell committee tells us we're at the opposite end of the chute and it's been nothing but chaos since."

"Life's what you make of it, Tony."

"Wouldn't you have liked to know? Did they ask you before they gave the taste buds to the other guys?"

"Be very grateful they didn't give us taste buds."

"I'm just saying. Of all the jobs out there in the whole wide organism, why the rectum?"

"It does no good dwelling on what could have been, my friend. Now stop talking shit and start talking some shit, alright?"

---

"Where do I put all this sugar, boss?"

"Just with the regular shipment, right there in the blood intake."

"No problem."

"Hey, wait a minute. What's with all the extra hydrogen bonds going on there?"

"Ain't that normal?"

"No, that's not normal! Is that alcohol?"

"Could be."

"What!?"

"Maybe."

"MAYBE?"

"Probably."

"Where the hell did we pick up alcohol? We're just a kid!"

"I don't know. Must've come in on the same delivery as the nicotine we picked up earlier."

"You didn't!"

"We didn't the first time. Sent it back up with a load of stomach acid. But by the third try we had to let it through."

"What is this organism coming to?"

"Should I still unload the rest of this-"

"Scuse me, coming through. Hey there fellas. Where should I unload all this sugar?"

"Are you kidding me! Can't you see all the hydrogen hanging off that stuff?"

"Pardon me everybody, just got in with this load of sugar. Hey where should I drop this off-"

"Gang way everybody. Got some fresh sugar here to unload."

"No! No. Everybody back. Turn around right now and take it all back up where it came from. I don't care where the kid is, or who he's trying to impress with this. We're not doing this right now."

"Hello friends! Does anyone need some sugar?"

---

"Ah damn. I got a chunk of dirt stuck in my pore again."

"Just flush it out with some more oil."

"I'm trying, but it's just settling in deeper."

"Well get it out of there, quick!"

"It's too deep! I can't push it out!"

"Oh no! Ohh God, what if it's an infection?"

"You think it's gonna make us sick?"

"Just nuke the thing. Better safe than sorry."

"Alright. I'll just drown it in pus and let the immune system handle it."

"Hey, that's what they're here for."

---

"Yes! Good morning beautiful world! I've finally made it to the surface. Hello sky! Hello sun . . . oof, hello sunlight."

"First day?"

"Oh yes. I'm so excited! I've always wanted to be a part of the waterproofing layer."

"Ha! You're a funny kid."

"What?"

"Waterproofing. Haha! I haven't heard that one in ages."

"Are we not doing that up here anymore?"

"Oh sure, once in a blue moon when the kid will take a shower. But lately our role has been redefined as . . . cosmetic, you could say."

"Cosmetic how? And what's going on with this heat? Why are we out here in the direct sunlight without any sunscreen?"

"Oh you sweet summer child."

"It feels like burning. God this is really starting to hurt!"

"Take a look at my face kid. This is the face of a perfect, shriveled, crusty tan."

"Ouch! Good God, why can't we just move over to that shady tree? Someone has to put in an emergency reflex order to the legs! Jesus Christ. This is torture!"

"Beauty ain't easy."

"Ah! Aaaaaah! It burns!"

---

"Hey Steve, you ever think about what it's like at the other end of the chute?"

"Hmm . . . Nope. Can't imagine."

"Me neither . . . Hey pass the butter."