Fools. Pathetic. Army surplus stores? Loser.

My time has come. I was chosen by heaven. This specific scenario. I had it all played out in my mind. Often I would mind my business and imagine how I'd save the day if a zombie apocalypse broke out. Don't you fear, for I am here.

The first thing I do is stacking chainmail and blades. What numerous simulations taught me was, that guns were too loud and would attract the masses. I've seen enough MMA clips on Youtube to be confident that I could fend them all off, but it would look way more heroic, if I just sliced through them from the get go. Also a fullbody chainmail protects your whole body.

This war of mine showed me, that while canned food was quick and practical, I'd need some sustainable food source. But don't worry pal. Thanks to grounded I can proudly call myself a gardening expert. A few hours is all it will take to harvest plentiful.

As for a fortress? Hah, hours of Anno qualify me as an engineer. I will build a whole city. You guys are safe with me. I'll be a wise ruler. Through my experience as reddit mod I am great fit for this job.

Yours truly

Your average edgy teenager