Eulogy for a Friend

"I didn't even know the word 'eulogy' a couple of days ago but here I am giving one. I know what advice Ash would give me. They'd tell me not to misqueme anyone. I'm sure Ash knew what a eulogy was. They had such a huge vocabulary and loved to use it, but they somehow never made me feel stupid when they used words like misqueme. I'll save you all the Google: it means to displease or offend."

I paused for some chuckles. I really hadn't known what a eulogy was and wish I hadn't found out. I also didn't have to give this eulogy, but my therapist thought it would be a good idea. My best and only friend was gone.

"Many of you probably don't know this about Ash and me, but we were more than just the same age: we shared the same birthday. February 5, 2052. 2-5-52, a palindrome. That's another word Ash taught me. We always said we were born to be friends. When we were together, we never needed anyone else. We couldn't remember when we became friends, but we just knew that we would always be friends."

I didn't really write anything ahead of time. As I said the words, I realized they were no longer true. I didn't understand what it meant to cry your eyes dry until yesterday. I looked down at the blank page I was holding to pretend I had prepared my eulogy. The podium had one of those extra shiny wood tops and I caught a glimpse of my reflection. I looked terrible from that angle.

"Ash always saw the best in me even when I couldn't see it. I did the same for them. We promised to always lift each other up and while I couldn't keep up my end of that deal, Ash never let me down. Not one time."

I realized I could raise Ash up one more time. We had planned on taking a trip to the moon for our sixteenth birthdays next month. Our parents agreed that we could go alone, so we had naturally become obsessed with it. I hadn't planned on going without her now, but I couldn't let Ash down. She was about to be cremated and her parents promised to give me some of her ashes. Is it illegal to spread them on the moon? I'd rather not know so I can plead ignorance if I can't, but I guess a part of her will make it to the moon after all.

"I really don't know what else to say right now. People keep telling me 'sorry for your loss.' But that doesn't feel right. I didn't just lose-the world lost. And what is there to be sorry about? That people die? That Ash died too soon? It just sucks. Plain and simple. It sucks. And it's not fair that Ash had to have a seizure in the shower and die like that."

I stared across the crowd at the large oak behind everyone. I was pretty sure it was a majestic oak since, well, it was pretty majestic. I could see Ash climbing the lower branches and mocking me for being too scared to even try and climb it. It had those weird bulbous growths on it and they creeped me out. I looked back at the crowd, trying to avoid Ash's parents. Seeing them would definitely make me find some tears to cry.

"Ash is the first person I've really known that has died. I would have preferred to wait longer to know what it's like to mourn someone, but I guess we all have to grow up sometime. Except for Ash."

I laughed uncontrollably. I looked to her parents to give them a look of apology, but they were both laughing, too. The rest of the crowd? Not so much.

"I'm sorry! But Ash would have found that hilarious. And I think that's my cue to leave. I miss you, Ash. And I always will."

I stepped down and walked by her. Ash had been so full of life but it had come to an end. Even now, their smile shone brightly lying there so peacefully.